The Great Parenting Show 2012

Parenting Experts Share Their Wisdom: Your Success!
FREE FREE FREE
Interactive – Submit Questions Online.
Replay Recordings Available for Limited Time!

Have you ever wondered:

How to discipline your children without ruining their
self-esteem?
How to put deal with your picky eaters?
How to protect your child from being bullied at school or online?
How to overcome your own parenting issues so as not to raise
children with hang-ups?
How to raise your children financially aware?

I know how hard parenting is, and that’s why I am excited
to tell you about a great show I’m taking part in. It’s
called the Great Parenting Show, the #1 Online Resource for
Parents and it promises to answer all of these questions
and some you haven’t even thought of!

This breakthrough 3- month series begins on Tuesday, March 13th at 10am PT, 11am MT, 12pm CT and 1pm ET  so register right now to get more information: ==>  http://greatparentingshow.com/cmd.php?af=1435900

Not only are the interviews available online, but they are free to you AND you can ask your top parenting question of me, and the other 23+ great parenting experts!

I will be speaking on Tuesday, March 20, 2012. My topic
will be Parenting a Child with Extreme Behaviors –Lying, Stealing, Defiance, Aggression – so don’t miss the chance to ask me your questions live over the web!  Register here: ==>  http://greatparentingshow.com/cmd.php?af=1435900

Here are just a few of the other very well-known speakers included on the Great Parenting Show:

** Dr. Jane Nelsen, is the prolific author of Positive Discipline and other parenting books, past Oprah guest and major influence on other educators,

** Neale Donald Walsh, best-selling author of Conversations with God, will talk about how to make spirituality accessible to your children,

** Sharon Lechter, coauthor of Rich Dad, Poor Dad, and creator of the Thrive Teen Game, will talk about raising financially literate children,

** Dr. Joe Rubino is an internationally acclaimed expert, success coach and best-selling author, talking about raising kids with high self-esteem,

**Shelly Lefkoe, author and parenting educator talking about making parenting easier and more fun, WITHOUT sabotaging your children’s future,

** Amy McCready,  is a popular parenting educator who will share her proven tips to  get your kids to behave without nagging, , reminding or yelling.

** Dr. Deborah Rozman, is a psychologist who has co-authored over a dozen books, as well as co-founded the HeartMath Institute, And so many more!

Check out the full line up here and register to get more information: ==>  http://greatparentingshow.com/cmd.php?af=1435900

Again, this three month weekly training is completely free to you! We’ll be sharing the best of the best strategies, tactics and processes we know to help you with your parenting issues and make the journey happier, and much more successful!

I hope you take advantage of this unique chance to have get answers to virtually all parenting issues!

Calls are free, so space is limited. Reserve your spot by clicking on this link now: ==>  http://greatparentingshow.com/cmd.php?af=1435900

After you register, keep an eye out for Jacqueline’s email with your details for listening in on the calls.

I look forward to interacting with you.

Choose Love,

B

P. S. By the way, if you can’t make the LIVE CALLS Every Tuesday & Thursday, don’t worry … they’ve got you covered! The interviews will be recorded and will be available after each show for a limited time so you won’t miss a thing. Make sure you sign up now to get these replay recordings. ==>  http://greatparentingshow.com/cmd.php?af=1435900

Have you read Bryan Post’s FREE e-Book How to End Lying Now: Why Kids Lie and What You Can Do to Stop It? Post offers a radical new understanding of difficult children – adopted, foster, diagnosed, biological, or grandchild. The Post Institute has helped families and professionals move from fear to love in their struggles with challenging behaviors such as defiance, disrespect, self-mutilation, cutting, hoarding or gorging food, stealing lying and more! This free book can get you started – see your child’s behaviors in an entirely different light and learn how to apply this approach. A truly love based family-centered model for many behaviors and diagnoses.

Post Daily Parenting Inspiration and more on Facebook! Make sure you stop by our Facebook page often for Daily Dose of Parenting Oxytocin, Special Discounts, Offers, Videos, News and whatever else we can pass along to our committed parents and professionals. This is a place to learn, play and interact with other committed parents and professionals and WIN prizes!

                  

Parenting Attachment Challenged Children “Hands-On” Home Study Course
Want Serious Help — Seriously? This may be the answer you have been praying for. There really can be peace in the family with your child. Bryan Post‘s Powerful new program is now available and includes the new 5 Hour Course on CD-Rom to accompany the workbook and 6 Hours of Video. This new program provides all the tools and understanding you need in order effectively parent your challenging kids. The home study course for parenting the child with challenging behaviors is life changing and is only meant for the serious parent or professional This course with accompanying workbook and the 5 hours of course material on CD-Rom to follow along will make the concepts easy to work with. You will have step-by-step instructions on how to create a therapeutic healing environment for children with trauma histories. If nothing else works for your child, this may be the training program you have been praying for. This best-selling package will start you on the road to restoring peace in your family and give you a running start! You will never know unless you try this, but you might always wonder.

For more of Bryan Post’s unique truly love based family centered approach for managing children with challenging behaviors, visit his websites:

• www.postinstitute.com – A Radical New Understanding of Difficult Children resource site. Lots of free stuff and training materials.
• www.reactiveattachmentdisorderparenting.com – The Parenting Course for parents & professionals with RAD kids and many other challenging behaviors and diagnoses.
• www.oxytocincentral.com – Resource site for the latest info and research on Oxytocin, the hormone responsible for attachment and bonding.
• www.postinnercircle.com – Where Desperate Parents Come for Solutions and Support. You Are Not Alone. If there were a way to personally interact with Bryan Post on a regular basis, would you be interested? If there were a community of other parents and professionals who wanted peace and harmony in their families as much as you, and you could learn from them, would you be interested in joining them?

If you’d like to receive a FREE copy of our Post Parenting Toolbox each week, sign up on our home page. Click on the image here to see the latest Parenting Toolbox.

The Stress Model by Bryan Post

The Stress Model: Understanding the Dynamics of Love and Fear

The Stress Model is a theoretical model that explains the root cause of problematic behavior. In fact, if you are able to fully grasp the Stress Model, and the wide-ranging implications for its applicability, it will enable you to begin creating a healing dynamic for your family within the next moment!

The Stress Model says, “All behavior arises from a state of stress. In between the state of stress (albeit good stress or bad stress) and the behavior, is the presence of an emotion. It is through the expression, processing, and understanding of the emotion that we can calm the stress (reducing the bodymind’s overwhelming stress reaction) and diminish the behavior.

Critical Points:
We only have two primary emotions: Love and Fear. That which does not look, feel, and can be perceived as loving, stems from a primary root of fear. Fear is the only viable opposite to Love. Yet, as it stands alone, love truly has no opposite. That which is not love is only fear. Examples, anger, jealousy, defiance, attachment disorder, anxiety, and depression, just to name a few. These various feelings and behaviors stem from a primary root of fear. For expansion of this idea concerning the two primary emotions visit: ReactiveAttachmentDisorderParenting.com.

The expression of emotion triggers fear reactions in others. When this occurs we are only able to see a threat. For instance, a child saying “no” to a parent creates an immediate stress reaction for the parent. This reaction will lead to a cascade of fear emotions on behalf of the parent. When this occurs the parent is unable to see clearly the essence of their child’s behavior. Remember, when you feel threatened or afraid, you cannot see another person’s fear because you are in a self-protect mode. For expansion on this idea concerning lying visit: The Great Behavior Breakdown.

According to Dr. Bruce Perry, M.D. we all respond to stress in one of two different ways, by becoming either hyper-aroused or hypo-aroused. These two states are referred to as states of affect dysregulation. Our ultimate drive is to live in a state of regulation (love) this state is referred to as the optimal state of functioning and development. Remember, some degree of stress is pertinent to our healthy growth and development, but too much stress leaves us trapped in a state of fear. If your child is chronically acting out or misbehaving, he or she is attempting to communicate to you that he or she is in a state of fear (not manipulating as many say) and overwhelming stress that cannot be interrupted without parental assistance.

Always Choose Love.

B.

Have you read Bryan Post’s FREE e-Book How to End Lying Now: Why Kids Lie and What You Can Do to Stop It? Post offers a radical new understanding of difficult children – adopted, foster, diagnosed, biological, or grandchild. The Post Institute has helped families and professionals move from fear to love in their struggles with challenging behaviors such as defiance, disrespect, self-mutilation, cutting, hoarding or gorging food, stealing lying and more! This free book can get you started – see your child’s behaviors in an entirely different light and learn how to apply this approach. A truly love based family-centered model for many behaviors and diagnoses.

Post Daily Parenting Inspiration and more on Facebook! Make sure you stop by our Facebook page often for Daily Dose of Parenting Oxytocin, Special Discounts, Offers, Videos, News and whatever else we can pass along to our committed parents and professionals. This is a place to learn, play and interact with other committed parents and professionals and WIN prizes!

                  

Parenting Attachment Challenged Children “Hands-On” Home Study Course
Want Serious Help — Seriously? This may be the answer you have been praying for. There really can be peace in the family with your child. Bryan Post‘s Powerful new program is now available and includes the new 5 Hour Course on CD-Rom to accompany the workbook and 6 Hours of Video. This new program provides all the tools and understanding you need in order effectively parent your challenging kids. The home study course for parenting the child with challenging behaviors is life changing and is only meant for the serious parent or professional This course with accompanying workbook and the 5 hours of course material on CD-Rom to follow along will make the concepts easy to work with. You will have step-by-step instructions on how to create a therapeutic healing environment for children with trauma histories. If nothing else works for your child, this may be the training program you have been praying for. This best-selling package will start you on the road to restoring peace in your family and give you a running start! You will never know unless you try this, but you might always wonder.

For more of Bryan Post’s unique truly love based family centered approach for managing children with challenging behaviors, visit his websites:

• www.postinstitute.com – A Radical New Understanding of Difficult Children resource site. Lots of free stuff and training materials.
• www.reactiveattachmentdisorderparenting.com – The Parenting Course for parents & professionals with RAD kids and many other challenging behaviors and diagnoses.
• www.oxytocincentral.com – Resource site for the latest info and research on Oxytocin, the hormone responsible for attachment and bonding.
• www.postinnercircle.com – Where Desperate Parents Come for Solutions and Support. You Are Not Alone. If there were a way to personally interact with Bryan Post on a regular basis, would you be interested? If there were a community of other parents and professionals who wanted peace and harmony in their families as much as you, and you could learn from them, would you be interested in joining them?

Mindfulness, Connecting and Pain by Kristi Saul-Post

Bryan teaches breathing and the 3 R’s, Reflect, Relate, Regulate, every day.  This is a direct path to mindfulness. By breathing, and searching inside, the path to finding your true self in any given moment unfolds.  Sometimes when I use these two key actions I can feel the effort of becoming aware, but there have been times when the process just happened, and,  I have experienced the magic of being fully present and connected in a way that miracles of growth have occurred.

During the days of the Post Therapeutic homes, I would help care for the children so the house parents could have a break.  One evening our daughter Marley, who was 3 at the time, and I were at the house with one of the girls.  Other Post trained staff were at the home preparing for the return home of the other four girls who were on an outing.  The young lady who was home, had a tragic history of neglect and abuse, some of which related to food, and resulted in her having juvenile diabetes which was a challenge to manage.  When she saw the dinner arriving to the table, she was immediately triggered.  She began to scream and cry, and tear around the house, throwing things, running to the large window in the living room pounding her fists.  I was afraid for her safety and could see that she was terrified.  I went to the living room and attempted to stop her by placing my hands on her.  This further escalated the situation.

She ran into the kitchen and continued to cry and scream and bang her head on the wall.  I was immediately struck by her terror.  I was mindful of every muscle in my body, every cell of my being could feel the terror that she was experiencing, and that we, the very people who were trying to help her feel safe, were the trigger to this terror.  I crumbled to the floor at her feet, and wept.

She looked down at me, and I up at her.  She had a question on her face, asking “why are you crying?”  I replied through tears, “I am so sorry you feel so scared. We don’t want to hurt you. We want to help you feel safe, and we just don’t know what to do.”  Her tears of terror shifted to tears of sadness, and in a few short seconds, she gave us instructions on how we could help her feel better.  The other staff, with whom she was more familiar with and more comfortable with, made her a special plate, and found a quiet place where the two of them shared their meal.

You might be wondering, where was Marley during all of this.  She was sitting at the table watching it all.  As the young lady and I righted ourselves from the floor, one of the other staff asked Marley how she was doing, she simply said, “mommy is feeling sad.”

During dinner I asked the Post staff how they were feeling.  They responded with feeling “amazed”.  They shared the story of the previous month when a similar situation had occurred with this young lady that resulted in her being placed for emergency care in an inpatient center for observation.  They shared how scared they had been and how all their previous training had given them only the tools to feel afraid and to try to control, the result of which was a broken chair, a broken window, and several broken dishes, and a trip to the hospital.  We talked about the difference between traditional thinking about kids versus the Post Stress Model perspective.

Most of the time when I think of mindfulness, an image of myself being in the present, seeing the beauty of a child’s smile, or the beauty of nature, appears in my mind,  but I have found that some of the most profound and life changing experiences of mindfulness have occurred when connecting with the pain of another.  As I write these words I realize that as much as connecting with the pain of another, these moments are marked with connecting to my own pain and feelings of helplessness. And somehow, that feels really good.

Kristi Saul-Post is the wife of Bryan Post and a great mom. She holds a Master’s degree in Community Counseling from Central State University in Edmond, OK and brings to the Post Institute 20 years of experience as a home based family therapist.

If you move into pure awareness in the midst of pain, even for the tiniest moment, your relationship with your pain is going to shift right in that very moment. It is impossible for it not to change because the gesture of holding it in awareness, even if sustained for only a second or two, already reveals its larger dimensionality. And that shift in your relationship with the experience gives you more degrees of freedom in your attitude and in your actions in a given situation, whatever it is… Even if you don’t know what to do. Awareness may not diminish the enormity of our pain in all circumstances. It does provide a bigger basket for tenderly holding and intimately knowing our suffering in any and all circumstances, and that, it turns out, is transformative— and healing.”  — Jon Kabat-Zinn, Arriving At Your Own Door

Always Choose Love,

Mrs B.

Have you read Bryan Post’s FREE e-Book How to End Lying Now: Why Kids Lie and What You Can Do to Stop It?

Post Daily Parenting Inspiration and more on Facebook! Make sure you stop by our Facebook page often for Daily Dose of Parenting Oxytocin, Special Discounts, Offers, Videos, News and whatever else we can pass along to our committed parents and professionals. This is a place to learn, play and interact with other committed parents and professionals and WIN prizes! http://www.facebook.com/postinstitute.

                  

————————————————Advertisement—————————————————
Parenting Attachment Challenged Children “Hands-On” Home Study Course
Can there really be peace in the family with my child? Bryan Post‘s Powerful Parenting Attachment Challenged Children “Hands-on” Home Study Course is now available and includes the new 5 Hour Course on CD-Rom to accompany the workbook and 6 Hours of Video. This new program provides all the tools and understanding you need in order effectively parent your challenging kids. The home study course for parenting the child with challenging behaviors is life changing and is only meant for the serious parent or professional This course with accompanying workbook and the 5 hours of course material on CD-Rom to follow along will make the concepts easy to work with. You will have step-by-step instructions on how to create a therapeutic healing environment for children with trauma histories. If nothing else works for your child, this may be the training program you have been praying for. This best-selling package will start you on the road to restoring peace in your family and give you a running start! You will never know unless you try this, but you might always wonder.
—————————————————————————————————————————
For more of Bryan Post’s unique truly love based family centered approach for managing children with challenging behaviors, visit his websites:

• www.postinstitute.com – A Radical New Understanding of Difficult Children resource site. Lots of free stuff and training materials.
• www.reactiveattachmentdisorderparenting.com – A Parenting “Hands-On” Home Study Course for parents & professionals with RAD kids and many other challenging behaviors and diagnoses.
• www.oxytocincentral.com – Resource site for the latest info and research on Oxytocin, the hormone responsible for attachment and bonding.
• www.postinnercircle.com – Where Desperate Parents Come for Solutions and Support. You Are Not Alone. If there were a way to personally interact with Bryan Post on a regular basis, would you be interested? If there were a community of other parents and professionals who wanted peace and harmony in their families as much as you, and you could learn from them, would you be interested in joining them?

Do Children Manipulate Parents? by Bryan Post

Children Do Not Manipulate Us

Simple Parenting Wisdom By Bryan Post

•  All negative behavior occurs from an unconscious state. (no conscious manipulation-see Stress Model for greater clarity)
• We first respond from our unconscious at the body level, BEFORE it is processed in our mind.
•  This fear reaction then influences our ability to be responsive….Fear sees problems and Love sees solutions.
• Children who are misbehaving are communicating their stress and seeking external regulation. Fear and survival are most important – manipulation is a concept used by those of us who don’t understand this and don’t want to take the time to find out what is really going on or needed by the child.
• When parents are stressed, they are constricted and unable to open up to their child’s emotional state.
• Breathe, pause, love will enter, peace will follow.

Have you read Bryan Post’s FREE e-Book How to End Lying Now: Why Kids Lie and What You Can Do to Stop It?

Daily Parenting tips, discounts, techniques, inspiration and contest giveaways on Facebook! Make sure you stop by our Facebook page often for contests, discounts, daily parenting tips, wisdom and inspiration. We will also be posting free audio recordings from our archives. Fill out our surveys and polls and let us know what you think and what you need. This is a place to learn, play and interact with other committed parents and professionals and WIN prizes! http://www.facebook.com/postinstitute

About Bryan Post

————————————————Advertisement—————————————————
Parenting Attachment Challenged Children “Hands-On” Home Study Course
Can there really be peace in the family with my child? This is the best of our parent training materials all rolled up into one exciting, do it at your own speed course for dealing with children with Attachment Issues. You will be amazed at the progress you will make once you start working with this program. Includes the new 5 hour course on DVD-Rom to accompany the workbook and 6 hours of video and much, much more.  You will never know unless you try this, but you might always wonder. To read more, just click here.

———————————————————————

For more of Bryan Post’s unique truly love based family centered approach for managing children with challenging behaviors, visit his websites:

• www.postinstitute.com – A Radical New Understanding of Difficult Children resource site. Lots of free stuff and training materials.
• www.reactiveattachmentdisorderparenting.com – A Parenting “Hands-On” Home Study Course for parents & professionals with RAD kids and many other challenging behaviors and diagnoses.
• www.oxytocincentral.com – Resource site for the latest info and research on Oxytocin, the hormone responsible for attachment and bonding.
• www.postinnercircle.com – Where Desperate Parents Come for Solutions and Support. You Are Not Alone. If there were a way to personally interact with Bryan Post on a regular basis, would you be interested? If there were a community of other parents and professionals who wanted peace and harmony in their families as much as you, and you could learn from them, would you be interested in joining them

Parenting Without Shame, Threats and Isolation – Part 1 of 3

No Shame, No Threats, No Isolation

No Shame: Parenting is hard. Simple, but hard. Bryan Post offers three simple things to avoid in a love based parenting paradigm. I have found these tips to be invaluable as they help keep me from triggering the negative feedback loops I so often get stuck in. Eliminating these three bad parenting behaviors has allowed me to be less authoritative and more influential in my parenting – thereby more loving. Although they are indeed simple to define, they are in my experience difficult to overcome. Mindfulness, discernment, and perseverance has shown me where the potholes lie, and gives me the choice to avoid or step into with my interactions with my children. Seeing where the potholes lie is more than half the battle.

Lets break them down even further into simple steps with benchmarks so we can watch them as they occur, and then make the needed changes to our own behaviors as parents. Often we are perplexed about what we should do, so I offer these “what not do to” from Bryan in hopes that the path of  “what to do” will be made clear. Sometimes it seems that just by cleaning up a messy room or desk is all that is needed to see what needs to be done. So lets just clean up some of our messy parenting habits and see what shows up…

What follows is Part 1 of a 3 Part series.

Today’s lesson is No Blame or Shame as in “I will not blame or shame my child (remember blame and shame smell the same). Would you blame or shame a baby? Of course not. Would you punish a 6 month old? Would you shame a one legged man for falling down?

What is the difference? Often times it is the physical age (not the emotional or maturity level) we are reacting to, and other times it is simply our expectation level (or that of those around us) that causes us to stumble and fall and start shaming and blaming our children. If as I believe, our children are not only “not wrong” for the state that they are in – if you had the history that they have you and I would be doing the same things they do), but they are just struggling to survive as best as the know how – and who could blame/shame them for that?

If you are bound and determined to break free of the old reward/punishment, behavior modification paradigm, here is a next step:

Watch what you say. Look for words like… “What were you thinking? What’s wrong with you anyway? How could you do such a thing? What are you-a two year old? Don’t make me… (as if they could actually make you, but let’s just make them feel like it is their fault that I feel this way)….How could you be…. such an idiot, so stupid… or your particular variety of shaming/blaming words and behaviors (you fill in the blanks).

Good indicators that you are in a blame/shame mode of parenting:

Your voice is getting louder, yelling or screaming because you believe “if it doesn’t work do it louder”;

You are not smiling, happy, loving or compassionate when you speak because you are not at this moment and don’t want to be because you believe that if you are happy and loving you will not be effective or have control (dominance vs influence);

You are pointing your finger for greater emphasis because your words have no influence and, since you don’t actually want to hit you “hit” with your finger — for now;

You are waiting for your child make the first move toward conciliation rather than you – the adult parent, with more knowledge, resources and experience take the initiative because… maybe you think the child is smarter or can better manage their emotional immaturity?

Homework: Be mindful of the words that you use to blame or shame your child. Write them down. Work with your spouse or other children to help remind you and point out the things that you resolve to stop doing when they see it. Then be open to their support. Admit when you take the wrong approach (blame/shame) and try something else (like love, understanding, relationship and influence).

Send us an email and let us know what you come up with this week. Remember this quote from Toolbox #3: It is not just the words that you use, (words are only 30% of communication) but the feeling you have when you say the words, that is most important. Whenever possible, have at least a slight smile when you speak. It can do wonders not only for your child, but for you as it can change your entire state of being. It is hard to be mad and smiling at the same time.

— David Durovy

Have you read Bryan Post’s FREE e-Book How to End Lying Now: Why Kids Lie and What You Can Do to Stop It?

Post Contest Giveaways on Facebook! Make sure you stop by our Facebook page often for contests, discounts, daily parenting tips, wisdom and inspiration. We will also be posting free audio recordings from our archives. Fill out our surveys and polls and let us know what you think and what you need. This is a place to learn, play and interact with other committed parents and professionals and WIN prizes! http://www.facebook.com/postinstitute

About Bryan Post

————————————————Advertisement—————————————————
Parenting Attachment Challenged Children “Hands-On” Home Study Course
Can there really be peace in the family with my child? This is the best of our parent training materials all rolled up into one exciting, do it at your own speed course for dealing with children with Attachment Issues. You will be amazed at the progress you will make once you start working with this program. Includes the new 5 hour course on DVD-Rom to accompany the workbook and 6 hours of video and much, much more.  You will never know unless you try this, but you might always wonder. To read more, just click here.

———————————————————————

For more of Bryan Post’s unique truly love based family centered approach for managing children with challenging behaviors, visit his websites:

• www.postinstitute.com – A Radical New Understanding of Difficult Children resource site. Lots of free stuff and training materials.
• www.reactiveattachmentdisorderparenting.com – A Parenting “Hands-On” Home Study Course for parents & professionals with RAD kids and many other challenging behaviors and diagnoses.
• www.oxytocincentral.com – Resource site for the latest info and research on Oxytocin, the hormone responsible for attachment and bonding.
• www.postinnercircle.com – Where Desperate Parents Come for Solutions and Support. You Are Not Alone. If there were a way to personally interact with Bryan Post on a regular basis, would you be interested? If there were a community of other parents and professionals who wanted peace and harmony in their families as much as you, and you could learn from them, would you be interested in joining them

How to Get 4 Hours of Bryan Post’s Solution Sessions for 5 Bucks

We found a bunch of  copies of Susan Kutchinska’s wonderful book on Oxytocin, the Chemistry of Connection, in our warehouse (we thought we had sold out) and decided to offer it AND for the first 13 people who buy they can get Bryan Post’s 4 CD set entitled The Solution Sessions for only $5 more. So for $21.95 you get the book and 4 hours of Bryan in this rarely offered CD set for helping children and parents heal. Paul Zak, the love Doctor said about Chemistry of Connection, “A marvelous book. It brings the science of oxytocin into the service of love in an engaging and practical way. Anyone who wants to understand and improve his or her relationships should read it.” Check it out at http://postinstitute.com/store/books.html.

Healing the Family Heart – Attachment Disorder: Fact or Fiction?

Much like physicians, mental health professionals gather information and symptoms in order to offer accurate diagnoses. The problem is that seeking and identifying only the negative behaviors leaves us with a limited timeframe in which to see the child. It’s similar to judging a rotten apple without fully considering the tree it grew on and all the other elements that have gone into its making. The reality is that a child is much more than a psychiatric label and possesses much more than the prevalent negative behaviors.

As we examine the diagnosis Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) the reader must consider a few points interest:

First, individuals are much more than a diagnosis. Research indicates that stress and trauma can be passed down from one generation to the next while having an immediate effect on the DNA of our body. Individuals are more than a simple framework for his or her current lifetime, but rather a woven fabric of many lifetimes.

Second, when we diagnose someone with a disorder the person becomes the diagnosis in the eyes of others. Rather than seeing a child we see a RAD child or we see an ADD child. The true definition of a disorder is a temporary state lacking order. All things in the world are designed to work harmoniously; when someone or something is not working harmoniously then it is in a state of disorder. This is not a permanent state, but a state needing restoration toward order. When a child is given a diagnosis of RAD we immediately link the child with all of the negatively behaviors associated with the disorder. Therefore, even when the child is doing well we cannot see it, because the very diagnosis of RAD dictates that the child is only being manipulative. It is common that a child diagnosed RAD will have also been diagnosed as ADHD, Bi-Polar, Oppositional-Defiant, or even Conduct Disordered; this is known as differential diagnosis.  At this point I quote psychiatrist Dorothy Lewis, “Differential diagnosis to doctors means, ‘I’m not sure but these are my hunches.’”

Last, stress research indicates that during times of stress our cellular system constricts into survival mode. This indicates that for both children and adults during times of stress we are prone toward disrupting attachment. Therefore, if a secure system is not intact to repair it then we remain unattached. Quite simply, during times of stress we are all challenged within our attachment systems. Because of this, I believe that there is no such thing as an attachment disordered child, but rather an attachment challenged child. We can all be attachment challenged – it’s not just the traumatized child.

To learn more about RAD (Reactive Attachment Disorder), how to help your child with RAD and Bryan Post’s radical understanding of difficult children visit www.postinstitute.com and www.reactiveattachmentdisorderparenting.com.

Choose Love,

B.

P.S. Did you know that there are many many parents just like you struggling every single day, but there is one big difference between them and you? To find out what that difference is click here

10 quick tips for Back to School Success – A reprint

This is a reprint from one of the articles I wrote last year but as parents and kids begin to think about going back to school, I thought it would be helpful to post this again. Don’t forget to visit the Post Institute at http://www.postinstitute.com and our Facebook page at http://www.facebook.com/postinstitute

___________________________________________________

It’s time for another year of school to begin. No doubt both parents and children are feeling anxious. Parents are anxiously pulling out the last hairs on their heads wishing that bell would have rang last week, and children are anxiously pining away for every last minute of uninterrupted cartoons knowing surely the bell is going to ring soon!

The following are some quick tips comprised for both parents and teachers that will help kick the new school year off on a positive note.

Parents:

1. Back to Bed. This one tip is probably one of the most important. Due to a summer of little structure most children’s natural sleep rhythms are out of sync. Begin at least a week ahead of time getting your child back into the school week sleep routine. By the time school finally starts they’ll be well rested and slipping back into a natural pattern.
2. High protein, Low Carbs. Research has finally revealed that a diet high in proteins (meats, eggs, cheese, nuts, etc.) and low in simple carbs (refined sugars, cereals, pop tarts, fruit drinks, etc.) can help improve a child’s ability to focus and learn more effectively. Summer is often a time of free grazing in the kitchen. Quickly start doing away with the summer stand by snacks, and replacing them with energy and power foods.
3. Decreasing Television. As important as the bedtime routine is the reduction of television. A national study revealed that on average children watch five hours of television a day. Imagine how much that increases during the summer. Television is overwhelming to the brain system of a child, leading to hyperactivity and defiance. Now is a great time to start cutting the television time in half and encouraging your child to pick up a book.
4. Familiarity with Environment. For some children this will be their first time at school, and for others this will be their first time in a new school. It can be very beneficial to take your child to the school and allow them to see it, walk down the halls, perhaps even meet their new teacher. This will create an opportunity for familiarity that will help your child feel more calm and safe when the first bell finally rings.
5. Talk to your Child. Take the days leading up to school to sit down and talk to your child about any fears he or she may be feeling with the new school year approaching. Going into a new grade can be quite intimidating. Let your child know that you will support him and love him no matter what, and you are sure that he will do his very best. Most of all, just listen to what his feelings may be as the big day approaches.

   Teachers:

6. Verbalizing Expectations. A particularly powerful opening exercise with new students is asking them their expectations of you as the teacher. Write these down on the board. Following that inform them of your expectations for them. After discussion and agreement, write them in a place where the children can review them from time to time. When things aren’t going so good refer them back to their expectations of you, and yours of them. This will set a tone of openness and trust early in the formation of your new relationship.
7. Get a Heads Up on the Child with Special Needs. All teachers want to give each child a clean slate to start with during the new school year, however a slate absent of a child’s needs is not necessarily beneficial. If you have a child in your classroom that had problems last year, converse with the past teacher and ask her or him what worked with the child and what did not. Help this child begin their year on a positive note by sitting them on the front row, making them the new assistant, and being the lunch line leader (which is code for keeping him next to you!). Remember, you are not punishing the child, but rather creating an environment for success!
8. The Importance of Touch. The simple gesture of a handshake or a pat on the shoulder during a hello is enough to help an anxious child feel safe and secure in a new environment. Unfortunately the use of touch has become a lost ingredient in the relationship between teachers and students, yet we fail to realize for some children the touch they receive from you may be the only positive touch they’ve had all summer. Don’t be afraid to say hello, smile, and touch the child on the shoulder, or hold their hand for a moment longer than normal. This small interaction can go a long way in building trust and security.
9. Quiet Time. Because of the hectic and unstructured schedules of most children during the summer, when they arrive into your classroom they’ll be wound as tight as grandma’s clock. After each major transition time such as early morning playground time to first class, transition from one class to the next, or following lunch and recess, take three minutes to turn the lights off, play a classical song, and encourage the children to breathe and slowly calm down. Not only are such techniques proven effective for children with ADHD, they are effective for all children following a transition.
10. Be Patient with You. It is critically important to remember that even though you’ve been doing this for years, or perhaps maybe this is your first year, you too are going to be forming new relationships. This naturally causes some initial anxiety. Take some deep breaths before your students come into the classroom, and remind yourself that you are the best teacher they could possibly have. Be patient with yourself first, and this will allow you to be patient with your students when they need it the most.

On Healing

I recall as a teen being injured during basketball practice, actually knocked unconscious, and lying in bed when my mother got home from work. When she asked me what had happened I explained the best I could through my tears. My mom listened, turned my light off and then walked back out. Honestly I can’t recall if I was that injured or not, but when that happened it injured me worse. I moaned and cried out loud, begged and pleaded to go to the doctor, finally out of frustration she relented. I left the hospital in a neck brace and on crutches. I had sprained my neck, had a concussion, and torn ligaments in my knee.

Trauma is defined as any stressful event which is prolonged, overwhelming, or unpredictable. That means any stressful event, and stress can occur in more situations than we can possibly imagine. From pre-birth trauma to medical trauma, adoption, automobile accidents, witnessing a crime or murder, living in a stressful environment and everything else before, in between, and beyond, trauma can rear its very silent yet devastating impact.

In his seminal text, Affect Dysregulation and the Repair of the Self, author Allan Schore cites the findings of a meta-analysis of societal trauma: 50% of men in our society have experienced severe trauma and 60% of women. If you consider trauma as occurring on a spectrum of mild, moderate, severe, then essentially every member of our society has experienced some degree of trauma at some point during their lifetime. It is also important in understanding that when traumatic events continue on unexpressed, unprocessed, and misunderstood, it has the potential to impact the person for the rest of their lives.

There are so many levels from which we are impacted by trauma. Yet, it is in our immediate past and present day experiences that we most often look at trauma. I am convinced that this is merely the tip of the iceberg especially when it comes to parents and children who have been impacted by traumatic experiences. First of all, most parents are unaware, in denial, and flat out resistant to considering the impact of highly stressful past events on their current life circumstances. We tend to want to take a very puritanical approach to our pain, thus not surprisingly this carries over to our child-rearing.

Did my mother approach me this way because she was uncaring? Absolutely not, my mother is one of the most caring people that I know. However, when it comes to us and our family it is very easy to rely on past imprinting of just “tough it out”. As much as the trauma we may have directly experienced in our past or present is the impact of the generational trauma that has impacted all most all of us. I always encourage the parents and therapists that come to my camps to think not current generation pain, but go back a generation, two generations and see what you find. In the 1960’s the pioneering psychologist Bowen coined the term “generational transmission of stress” implying that stress and trauma are actually transmitted from one generation to the next. Forty years later science has confirmed this beyond a shadow of a doubt.
A passionate and concerned mother asked me the other day, “How long will it take for our family to find peace in our home. For our children to be more normal and just have the day to day challenges of normal children?” She didn’t like my answer, “Find peace now, today. This is when you will find peace. Not in the next moment or year, but today. Accept that your children are who they are and love them as they are, this will bring peace. If you are waiting for some magical moment when peace and normalcy will arrive, or come knocking at your door, then you have an expectation for the way things should be as opposed to an acceptance of the way things are. The problem with this line of thinking is that when peace and normalcy finally arrive, because we are too busy waiting for what we expect to show up, we don’t welcome what does. When this happens then peace and normalcy leaves our home as unwelcomed guest because we were too busy waiting for what we thought was going to show up.”

Healing is a process. It is a journey through repairing damage that has been done long ago. When a child has been mistreated, abused, deprived, or neglected during their most critical brain stages, then their brain has been shaped differently. In many ways he becomes a stranger in a strange world of expectations and demands, like a foreigner speaking a foreign language when everyone else speaks in the native tongue.

Additionally, what of the imprints we carry from a generational perspective? To have been witness to an adult treating a child in a manner of abuse, neglect, or maltreatment, is a reflection of how that adult was inevitably treated at some point in their own life. Not only is the child therefore victim to the adult, but also to the generations of mistreatment, abuse, deprivation, and neglect that came many generations before. Healing is therefore not merely about bringing one child or family into a sense of peace and normalcy, it is about changing the very fabric and imprinting of life. It is about what will be passed down through the DNA to the next generation of children. Healing trauma is a very big deal.

Let us not forget that life and love in and of themselves have the potential to heal. How many of us who have come from traumatic environments, circumstances, and relationships have been able to rebound and move forward? Maybe not finding perfect peace and harmony, who ever truly does, but able to experience the joys and wonders of the world, along with the sadness and grief that it offers, without ending up in jail, broken down, and alone. Many more have attained this than not. And what of the ones who have not? My personal belief is that as long as there is breath there is hope and everyone has a purpose and the value of that purpose cannot always be determined as it relates to the fabric of our lives.

Choose Love,
B.

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