We are moving to www.bryanpost.com. Come visit next week. Enjoy this interview with Karyn Purvis

This will be the last post for this URL. We have moved to http://www.bryanpost.com and all future posts will be there. We have greatly appreciated your visits and hope that you will continue to stop by, and that you will share the love with those you care about and help bring the new parenting paradigm. To thank you for interest, we have this very touching interview with Dr. Karyn Purvis (author Connected Child) that she did with Bryan. She has such a healing tenderness about her that touches my soul when I listen to her. Make sure you stop by and listen to this. She has a deep passion for children from hard places, and especially for the parents that care for them.

“I don’t love this child but I am willing to like him. What do I do?”
Dr. Purvis, author of The Connected Child, is an almost saintly compassionate and passionate advocate. She has lots of research to back up her approach as well as data from her work at Texas Christian University. This is one of the sweetest interviews we have. Plenty of specific things to do to help your child or families if you are a parent or a professional. She is the founder and director of the TCU Institute of Child Development and a passionate advocate for “children from hard places”, a phrase that describes children with histories of trauma, abuse and neglect. Dr. Purvis and her mentor and colleague, Dr. David Cross, currently lead the Institute in its triple mission of research, education and outreach on behalf of at-risk children. To listen to this interview Click Here.

We will be rolling out some new and exciting things on the new blog site and we look forward to seeing you there! Meanwhile I will be enjoying a Little reading time. Till next week then… Always Choose Love. Always. — B

 

Parenting Toolbox 18: Special Interviews in June; How to Handle Stress Mindfulness Video

Please Note: We are moving our blog to a new site. This is happening this week and we will notify you of any new URL address if it changes. We will be upgrading to a new and more exciting format. Thank you for your patience.

Click here to view Parenting Toolbox 18 Tonight starts special Interviews & How to handle stress

Bryan Post will be appearing on three internet interview shows stating tonight Tuesday June 12 at 9 pm and the last on June 26th. We apologize for the delay in getting this info to you. Even if you miss the live interviews, by signing up FREE you can get the recordings FREE for a limited time. See each description for time/date specifics. There are many additional presenters in each series which you may also enjoy. We cannot vouch for everyone as we don’t know them all, but some we love like Dr. Marcy Axness (author Parenting for Peace), Bruce Lipton and others. You may find a wealth of valuable information all FREE just for signing up.

Also, How Can Mindfulness Help with Stress Management? And Do Parents Need This? Heavens Yes! We have been searching for a good source for Mindfulness training that any person regardless of religious belief, or lack thereof, can benefit from. Although mindfulness and meditation practices have been on this planet for thousands of years, most of us know very little, and even fewer practice it. Although it can be used to enhance one’s prayer life, it can also enhance one’s parenting life – and life in general. We have found a group in the UK (GetSomeHeadSpace.com) that offers bite sized training and does so in a clear, simple and straight forward manner that anyone can use. No trips to the mountain top are required and can be done in the comfort of wherever you are – home, car, office or even in the midst of screaming and fighting with your kids. Their instruction is based on scientific research and their animations describing the process are entertaining and enlightening, making this quasi-mystical practice available to all. They have a free 10 training which takes only 10 minutes a day.

Have a Calm & Peaceful Week.

What Do Sex Trafficking and Foster Care Have in Common?

Answer: Foster Kids

Who would have thought? Chris Chmielewski founder of the new kid on the block Foster Focus magazine did, and this is what he found:
Sex trafficking is a universal problem. The sex trade industry is the third largest criminal industry, following closely behind the drug trade and almost tying second place with illegal arms trade. It is a 7-10 billion dollar industry in the United States. The United Nations has a record of 168 countries across the planet that engages in commercial sex trade of children. These countries are organized into four “tiers” with the United States among the Tier 1 group i.e., meets minimum standards for combating trafficking) with laws enacted since 2000 to protect our children.

Here, the numbers speak for themselves – 80% of young people in the business of human trafficking were once in foster care; over 1.7 million children are engaged in the human sex trade in the United States. Aging out the system, runaways, throwaways, histories of sexual abuse and abandonment are just a few of the causes that lead to later sex trafficking. The bottom line? Foster children are the most vulnerable children around the world and pimps are readily available and waiting to provide them with food, shelter, money – and exploitation. The cycle of terror, subjugation, and victimization then begins.

When we say that parents hold the future of the world in their hands-literally, we mean it. We can just keep going the same old parenting ways we have taken for centuries, or we change our minds and our hearts and shift to a new parenting paradigm. If we don’t, it will be more of the same (see above).

Interested in Foster Care. Check out Chris’s website and his latest issue – and get some great deals at his online auction to support foster care. You can even buy Bryan Post’s books for cheap there!

Always Choose Love. Always. — B.

“Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.”
— Master Yoda The Empire Strikes Back: Episode V

Have you read Bryan Post’s FREE e-Book How to End Lying Now: Why Kids Lie and What You Can Do to Stop It?
Why Kids Lie and What You Can Do to Stop It Now! By Bryan Post
A book for all parents and professionals,so simple and powerful,that it will bring an end to your frustration over your child’s negative behavior.
Post offers a radical new understanding of difficult children – adopted, foster, diagnosed, biological, or grandchild. The Post Institute has helped families and professionals move from fear to love in their struggles with challenging behaviors such as defiance, disrespect, self-mutilation, cutting, hoarding or gorging food, stealing lying and more! This free book can get you started – see your child’s behaviors in an entirely different light and learn how to apply this approach. A truly love based family-centered model for many behaviors and diagnoses.

Post Daily Parenting Inspiration and more on Facebook! Make sure you stop by our Facebook page often for Daily Dose of Parenting Oxytocin, Special Discounts, Offers, Videos, News and whatever else we can pass along to our committed parents and professionals.

Parenting Attachment Challenged Children “Hands-On” Home Study Course
Want Serious Help — Seriously? This may be the answer you have been praying for. There really can be peace in the family with your child. Bryan Post‘s Powerful new program is now available and includes the new 5 Hour Course on CD-Rom to accompany the workbook and 6 Hours of Video. This new program provides all the tools and understanding you need in order effectively parent your challenging kids. The home study course for parenting the child with challenging behaviors is life changing and is only meant for the serious parent or professional This course with accompanying workbook and the 5 hours of course material on CD-Rom to follow along will make the concepts easy to work with. You will have step-by-step instructions on how to create a therapeutic healing environment for children with trauma histories. If nothing else works for your child, this may be the training program you have been praying for. This best-selling package will start you on the road to restoring peace in your family and give you a running start! You will never know unless you try this, but you might always wonder.

For more of Bryan Post’s unique truly love based family centered approach for managing children with challenging behaviors, visit his websites:

• www.postinstitute.com – A Radical New Understanding of Difficult Children resource site. Lots of free stuff and training materials.
• www.oxytocincentral.com – Resource site for the latest info and research on Oxytocin, the hormone responsible for attachment and bonding.

If you’d like to receive a FREE copy of our Post Parenting Toolbox each week, sign up on our home page.
Click on the image here to see a sample of a Parenting Toolbox.

Post Parenting Toolbox #17

Post Parenting Toolbox #17. Parenting Toolbox 17: Feature FREE Video Webinar – Oxytocin & Children, Meditation & Mindfulness can help parents WUSA TV 9 Fairfax VA News Report – If it can help our military – why not our parents? Spanish translations now being worked on for Bryan Post’s books.

I Don’t Care and You Can’t Make Me

We hear from many parents that have “lazy” kids. Not bad kids, just lazy as they see it. We have one of those ourselves. Cannot/will not pick up after himself, bathe, brush teeth, change underwear just to name a few (he is almost 19).  It is so easy to forget that our son, abandoned at 1 year old, in and out of foster homes till he came to us at 5, is not typical – because he is not a bad kid and does not have big problems-just a lot of little ones. It was interesting to note that at a party we gave him for his 6th birthday, when he was given gifts he remarked that he didn’t know people got gifts for birthdays. It broke my heart to hear that. So lets not talk normal, lets talk what is, without judgement and preconceived notions of what should be.

It is so easy to look at our special kids,  and because they are not really bad kids, to think of them as normal and typical. My worst days were always those when my child was behaving typically and I forgot that much of his neural network functioned so differently when pushed beyond his window of tolerance. When I forgot who he was deep inside and looked at who he was on the outside, all heck would break loose and I would react “normally/typically” with unreasonable expectations and reach in my parenting toolbag for my dominance and control tools. Not a healthy thing really – especially our special kids.

Bryan, in his answer to this parent, as always brings to our awareness some of the many, many considerations that we need to be aware of when parenting our special kids. Remember, if we loose the relationship, we have no influence. If we’ve lost that— we’ve lost everything.

Dear Bryan— What to do with an almost 15 year old son who is not doing his school work. Rude. Lies. He is a smart kid, no BIG trouble…..yet about to repeat 9th grade on pure laziness. His “I don’t care” attitude is THE WORST! — Mom

Dear Mom— One of the challenges for us as parents is to see no BIG problem as justification for not understanding why our children do what they do. We should consider for example…how many adults seemingly have no BIG problems yet are homeless, depressed, drug addicted, etc? The truth is that pain is pain as Byron Katie says. We judge the degree and intensity of every other persons process based on our own experiences. “No BIG problem” is one of the first breakdowns in your relationship with your son. It is filled with anger, judgement, resentment, frustration, being fed up, rejecting, threatening, sadness, remorse, guilt, shame and blame. All of that just from the perception of “he has no BIG problems”.

What exactly is a BIG problem? I, personally, seem to have no BIG problems. I have money, a house, bills paid, friends, food, drink, motorcycle, healthy, good looking if I must say so myself, have all my teeth, and a healthy beautiful family…no BIG problems right? Wrong. My biggest problem is that I live with a core of insecurity, terror, shock, and overwhelm. I was born with it. And it directs every relationship in my life. It has led me to have failed marriages, addictions, loss of friends, personal emotional turmoil, great sadness, depression, and anger. Someone might be able to look at me and say well Bryan is a good guy and has a great family, he doesn’t really have any BIG problems, why can’t he maintain relationships, have a great marriage, be a really present father? He has no BIG problems. The reality is that I have huge problems, problems that seemingly make me feel as though they are insurmountable, you just can’t see them. When you can’t see them then you judge me based on my behaviors, not an understanding for where I am within myself, what my struggles are or if I really do have BIG problems that you just don’t know about. And finally, when I am in survival, or your son is in survival just trying to cope day to day with breathing and living, that is all that we can do. He CANNOT care about anything or anyone else. He is trying to survive. Everyday that you come at him with “you have no BIG problems” so why aren’t you doing better, then you are only fostering his hurt and pain. The reason we do that is because we are taking personally the behavior of the other person and it makes us feel inadequate and insecure. Their behavior, your son’s behavior, makes you feel like you are not good enough as a parent. That’s a very painful place to reside. Rather than thinking and acting towards him like he has no BIG problems start working on your relationship with him in a way that will encourage him to share what problems he really does have and honor those problems as BIG problems even though they may be small to you, they are enormous for him. Once you do that then he will feel less stress and overwhelm, will feel like he’s not all alone, and then he might actually be able to care a little bit more.

Not sure if you were asking for all of that or not, but this is the way of behaviors. No one is lazy, we only act that way and there is always a reason.

B.

“Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.”
— Master Yoda- Star Wars Episode I

Have a Calm and Peaceful Day.

David

Have you read Bryan Post’s FREE e-Book How to End Lying Now: Why Kids Lie and What You Can Do to Stop It? Post offers a radical new understanding of difficult children – adopted, foster, diagnosed, biological, or grandchild. The Post Institute has helped families and professionals move from fear to love in their struggles with challenging behaviors such as defiance, disrespect, self-mutilation, cutting, hoarding or gorging food, stealing lying and more! This free book can get you started – see your child’s behaviors in an entirely different light and learn how to apply this approach. A truly love based family-centered model for many behaviors and diagnoses.

Post Daily Parenting Inspiration and more on Facebook! Make sure you stop by our Facebook page often for Daily Dose of Parenting Oxytocin, Special Discounts, Offers, Videos, News and whatever else we can pass along to our committed parents and professionals.

Parenting Attachment Challenged Children “Hands-On” Home Study Course
Want Serious Help — Seriously? This may be the answer you have been praying for. There really can be peace in the family with your child. Bryan Post‘s Powerful new program is now available and includes the new 5 Hour Course on CD-Rom to accompany the workbook and 6 Hours of Video. This new program provides all the tools and understanding you need in order effectively parent your challenging kids. The home study course for parenting the child with challenging behaviors is life changing and is only meant for the serious parent or professional This course with accompanying workbook and the 5 hours of course material on CD-Rom to follow along will make the concepts easy to work with. You will have step-by-step instructions on how to create a therapeutic healing environment for children with trauma histories. If nothing else works for your child, this may be the training program you have been praying for. This best-selling package will start you on the road to restoring peace in your family and give you a running start! You will never know unless you try this, but you might always wonder.

For more of Bryan Post’s unique truly love based family centered approach for managing children with challenging behaviors, visit his websites:

• www.postinstitute.com – A Radical New Understanding of Difficult Children resource site. Lots of free stuff and training materials.
• www.oxytocincentral.com – Resource site for the latest info and research on Oxytocin, the hormone responsible for attachment and bonding.

If you’d like to receive a FREE copy of our Post Parenting Toolbox each week, sign up on our home page.
Click on the image here to see a sample of a Parenting Toolbox.

Peace or Stress? Mindfulness Tips for the Holidays #5 – Do Exactly What You Are Doing

Do What You Are Doing: Mindfulness has become so mainstream it has almost become funny. Hollywood throws it in occasionally as you hear something like “be the ball” from Bill Murray or others as they prod someone into enlightened performance or insight. Although all of the mindfulness techniques or practices focus on being here now or do what you are doing, this one zeros in tasks, and not the meditative sitting silently or quietly lost in contemplation or prayer. In fact, a recent article in the Huffington Post states, “One of the major reasons that corporate America is grabbing onto mindfulness is because the science is there that backs it up. We have evidence that intentionally paying attention with mindfulness is connected to areas of the brain responsible for attention, memory, learning, awareness, empathy and compassion. We’ve seen reduction in activities in areas of the brain associated with stress and fear.”   Wow! This is BIG news and dovetails perfectly with the teachings of the Stress Model developed by Bryan Post. So by practicing mindfulness, we become less fearful, more loving and can parent our very challenging children – what a great Christmas gift that is!

Attend Tasks – Be fully engaged in the next task you do, whatever it may be, important or trivial. Pay attention to all details.  Feel every motion. Be attentive, deliberate and focused. Live in the moment of doing.  — Frederick Burggraf, The Mindfulness Wheel

The steps that Mr. Burggraf offers in his approach can be used with a different focus each day for living in the present moment. Practicing mindfulness through attending to tasks, we not only begin to pay attention to our actions,  but it also eliminate the clumsy, whoops dropped it, oh darn it type of events as we become more of what we are doing in the moment. How many times have we dropped, kicked, bumped, bit our tongue etc in those moments of non-attention?  Wouldn’t it be interesting if there were none of those moments …

Frederick Burggraf created a wonderful little tool called The Mindfulness Wheel (www.dayonepublishing.com). We will be sharing some of his quick and easy lessons along with other mindfulness  tips over the Holiday Season to help us all stay regulated, calmer, patient and more loving with our special children. Use them; let us know how they work and what you learn from them.

Choose to Attend Tasks.

— David Durovy
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Last Chance! It’s not too late to still get and read the short FREE download e-Book 
Holiday Peace: Turn Holiday Stress into Peaceful Family Time  by Bryan Post.  Help the Holidays Be Happy Times rather than Stressful Times with Bryan’s 4 Point Plan!“Classic” Bryan Post delivers tips, hints, wisdom and what not to do to help your family have a better holiday with his 4 Point Plan. Don’t let the holidays “just happen”. The Holidays should not come as a surprise. Plan ahead on how best to help your challenging child – and yourself, stayed regulated. Don’t let your anger and frustration or your children’s behaviors ruin your holidays. Use the Stress Model to bring Joy to the World, Peace on Earth and Goodwill toward All!

Make sure you stop by our Facebook page often as we are giving away books, DVDs, CDs and more each week for a full year. This is a chance to learn, play and interact with other committed parents and professionals and WIN! http://www.facebook.com/postinstitute
————————————————————————————————
For more of Bryan Post’s unique truly love based family centered approach for managing children with challenging behaviors, visit his websites:

• www.postinstitute.com – A Radical New Understanding of Difficult Children resource site. Lots of free stuff and training materials.
• www.reactiveattachmentdisorderparenting.com – A Parenting “Hands-On” Home Study Course for parents & professionals with RAD kids and many other challenging behaviors and diagnoses.
• www.oxytocincentral.com – Resource site for the latest info and research on Oxytocin, the hormone responsible for attachment and bonding.
• www.postinnercircle.com – Where Desperate Parents Come for Solutions and Support. You Are Not Alone. If there were a way to personally interact with Bryan Post on a regular basis, would you be interested? If there were a community of other parents and professionals who wanted peace and harmony in their families as much as you, and you could learn from them, would you be interested in joining them?Also free parenting videos by Bryan Post on YouTube, and up to date information, discounts, weekly contests Like our Facebook page.

On Giving by Bryan Post

The holiday season is full steam upon us and unfortunately what is to be the most joyous and celebratory season of the year is oftentimes the most stressful, painful and chaotic.  I had the divine pleasure of interviewing Myla Kabat-Zinn, co-author of Everyday Blessings: The Inner Work of Mindful Parenting back some time ago.  Every sentence she spoke, each phrase and response was full of loving mindfulness and intention. Myla gave openly what she has to all of us listening on the call in such a way that I believe it left us all wanting more. At least I know it did me. A simple gift of her time and effort, given with love, passion, and mindfulness, blessed me that evening. It cost nothing and was worth everything. This holiday (Holy-Day) season want to give you something. I want to give you permission that perhaps you have never been granted. These permissions are for your taking or leaving, give them thought and decide what you would like to do:

1. I give you permission to remember that it is not what is under the tree, but who is around the tree. And if no tree, then just plain who is more important than what.
2. I give you permission to love yourself. To take time for a walk, sit quietly, read a book, or call up an old friend to chat. Taking care of yourself first and foremost will give you the necessary emotional energy and space for caring for others.
3. I give you permission to love your child. To not be overwhelmed, scared and worried about their behaviors for fear of how they will turn out 3, 4, 5, or 10 years from now. Love them today, in this moment. Let tomorrow worry for itself. Our friend Kathy Whitham says it nicely – “Talk less, breathe more”.
4. I give you permission to move quickly but mindfully and always able to stop and breathe in the cool fresh air when the moment strikes you.
5. I give you permission not to buy anyone a single gift, but to rather gift them with your full, undivided, presence for one full hour, or day, whatever you can manage.
6. I give you permission not to feel guilty for not buying gifts for others. Your presence is the most value gift you truly have to offer because it is your time. Time is nothing we can replenish. Each passing moment is a moment lost. If you have a hard time remembering this…
7. Then I give you permission to give your time, thank God you have many moments left, to someone in a hospital or nursing home, who does not.
8. I give you permission to be light and happy, unburdened by the stress of bills and work. Whether you are able to pay, able to work or not, tomorrow is still gonna come and no amount of stress today is gonna make you any more or less capable of paying that bill or getting that work done.
9. I give you permission to set your fear aside, if even for only moments at a time, and let love guide you, fill you, and overwhelm you. Say, “I love you,” from the absolute depths of your heart.
10. I give you permission to right a wrong, even if you were not the one who caused the wrong. We all have the ability to be reactive or responsive. There is so much more light within the individual who seeks to take ultimate responsibility. Love wins.

From our POST family to yours, we wish you a peace and joy filled holiday season when giving your heart is the highest form of giving and loving.

Choose Love,

B.

Last Chance! It’s not too late to still get and read the short FREE download e-Book 
Holiday Peace: Turn Holiday Stress into Peaceful Family Time  by Bryan Post.  Help the Holidays Be Happy Times rather than Stressful Times with Bryan’s 4 Point Plan!

“Classic” Bryan Post delivers tips, hints, wisdom and what not to do to help your family have a better holiday with his 4 Point Plan. Don’t let the holidays “just happen”. The Holidays should not come as a surprise. Plan ahead on how best to help your challenging child – and yourself, stayed regulated. Don’t let your anger and frustration or your children’s behaviors ruin your holidays. Use the Stress Model to bring Joy to the World, Peace on Earth and Goodwill toward All!

Make sure you stop by our Facebook page often as we are giving away books, DVDs, CDs and more each week for a full year. This is a chance to learn, play and interact with other committed parents and professionals and WIN! http://www.facebook.com/postinstitute

About Bryan Post

————————————————Advertisement—————————————————
Parenting Attachment Challenged Children “Hands-On” Home Study Course
Want The Best for Your Family and Your Hurting Child? This Course offers the most value for the least price. Yet you will be amazed at the progress you will make once you start working with it. Includes the new 5 hour course on CD-Rom to accompany the workbook and 6 hours of video and much, much more. You will never know unless you try this, but you might always wonder.
To read more, just click here.
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For more of Bryan Post’s unique truly love based family centered approach for managing children with challenging behaviors, visit his websites:

• www.postinstitute.com – A Radical New Understanding of Difficult Children resource site. Lots of free stuff and training materials.
• www.reactiveattachmentdisorderparenting.com – A Parenting “Hands-On” Home Study Course for parents & professionals with RAD kids and many other challenging behaviors and diagnoses.
• www.oxytocincentral.com – Resource site for the latest info and research on Oxytocin, the hormone responsible for attachment and bonding.
• www.postinnercircle.com – Where Desperate Parents Come for Solutions and Support. You Are Not Alone. If there were a way to personally interact with Bryan Post on a regular basis, would you be interested? If there were a community of other parents and professionals who wanted peace and harmony in their families as much as you, and you could learn from them, would you be interested in joining them?

On The Economy of Our Lives by Bryan Post

On the Economy of Our Lives

Dictionary.com offers several meanings of the word economy, two of which are: the disposition or regulation of the parts or functions of any organic whole; an organized system or method; and the efficient, sparing, or concise use of something: an economy of effort; an economy of movement.

The key to a more regulated and efficient society equally lies within the home, as the home also is reflected in society. When Gandhi said, “Be the change you want to see in the world”, he spoke a simple truth, one that empowers us to seek to be an efficient and sparing part of a greater whole no matter how inefficient and unsparing that whole might appear to be. We matter. You matter. From within your home you can make a difference in the world. The energy and peace you can create gets pushed forward into the greater universe affecting everyone else. When you are in conflict, your ability to be efficient, sparing and working towards regulation impacts the greater universal system.

If you have ever found yourself in a “I don’t care and I don’t care that I don’t care” (personal economy bankruptcy) state of mind, you know how difficult it is to love someone — especially a challenging child. Karyn Purvis of TCU found that in blood testing exhausted, angry and desperate foster parents, there was a great lack of hormonal chemistry available for self-regulation. And no amount of ” a good talking to” was going to help these parents, unless it was to say “take a week off of parenting, gets lots of rest and nutrition and be of good cheer”. For each time we struggle, we are challenged with an opportunity to grow, to learn, renew and move forward. If you find yourself thinking or saying “I don’t care” and believe it, you have missed a valuable opportunity for growth. If you think or say “I don’t care therefore I must need rest, relaxation, breathing and nutrition”, then you got the message loud and clear. Lesson learned.

Everyone is aware of the stress our economy is under at this time, more debt than income. The whole system is in a state of dysregulation. The parts are working against one another trying to survive. Cellular biologist Bruce Lipton states that in times of stress our cellular system constricts into survival. Yet the bodymind system only knows two states: thriving or surviving. In the past number of years our economic system has worked neither sparingly or efficient and now it has caught up with us.

This is the economy of our lives. The world we live in. We are challenged to be more efficient, more sparing, more concise in our contributions to the organic whole. Save your words during an argument, conserve your energy, move within and listen rather than expend. Save, accrue, and then spend wisely your words and actions of love. Utilize your energy efficiently and sparingly for a time will come that requires it and you will be ready to meet that challenge.

Always Choose Love,

B.

Have you read Bryan Post’s FREE e-Book How to End Lying Now: Why Kids Lie and What You Can Do to Stop It?

Post Contest Giveaways on Facebook! Make sure you stop by our Facebook page often as we are giving away books, DVDs, CDs and discounts. This is a place to learn, play and interact with other committed parents and professionals and WIN! http://www.facebook.com/postinstitute

About Bryan Post

————————————————Advertisement—————————————————
Holiday Peace: Turn Holiday Stress into Peaceful Family Time CD by Bryan Post – Help the Holidays Be Happy Times rather than Stressful Times with Bryan’s 4 Point Plan!

“Classic” Bryan Post delivers tips, hints, wisdom and what not to do to help your family have a better holiday with his 4 Point Plan. Don’t let the holidays “just happen”. The Holidays should not come as a surprise. Plan ahead on how best to help your challenging child – and yourself, stayed regulated. Don’t let your anger and frustration or your children’s behaviors ruin your holidays. Use the Stress Model to bring Joy to the World, Peace on Earth and Goodwill toward All!

Get a FREE download of the e-Book (pdf) as a bonus with this CD! — only $10.95 or just get the e-Book for FREE!
————————————————————————————————
For more of Bryan Post’s unique truly love based family centered approach for managing children with challenging behaviors, visit his websites:

• www.postinstitute.com – A Radical New Understanding of Difficult Children resource site. Lots of free stuff and training materials.
• www.reactiveattachmentdisorderparenting.com – A Parenting “Hands-On” Home Study Course for parents & professionals with RAD kids and many other challenging behaviors and diagnoses.
• www.oxytocincentral.com – Resource site for the latest info and research on Oxytocin, the hormone responsible for attachment and bonding.
• www.postinnercircle.com – Where Desperate Parents Come for Solutions and Support. You Are Not Alone. If there were a way to personally interact with Bryan Post on a regular basis, would you be interested? If there were a community of other parents and professionals who wanted peace and harmony in their families as much as you, and you could learn from them, would you be interested in joining them?

Parenting the Attachment Challenged Child part 6 of 6: How to Overcome Lying by Bryan Post

Click Here for Part 5

Parenting the Attachment Challenged Child part 6 of 6: How to Overcome Lying

Conducting a coaching call with a desperate parent one afternoon regarding her five-year old son’s chronic lying behavior, I attempted to explain to the mother The Three Step Lying Solution. Upon hearing that she must, “Ignore the Lie, But Don’t Ignore the Child”, she loudly exclaimed over the telephone, “Oh no I could never do that!” I responded by asking, “Who lied to you?” Without hesitation she replied, “My father used to lie to me all of the time when I was a little girl!”

When a child tells a lie the parent experiences fear. We fear that if our children lie to us they will grow up to tell lies. We may be reacting to past adult experiences such as a dishonest spouse or parent. And a very common feeling is that if our children lie to us then we are not being good parents.

When a child tells a lie the parent must first breathe. Breathing will help interrupt the initial stress reaction. Second, remember that all of the fears noted above could occur however, they are all projections about the future. Stress and fear do three things: Cause us to react from the past; obsess about the future, but takes us out of the present. Worrying about your child telling lies ten years from now will not help him stop telling lies today. In fact, it can make it even worse.

Using The Three Step Lying Solution will help you address the fear and stress your child is experiencing in the moment. Yelling at him will only increase this fear which will then only lead to more lying. You must respond calmly assuring your child that whatever thing it is that he feels the need to lie about is not nearly as important as his relationship with you. Help your child to understand that the only time he is dishonest is when he is stressed and scared. Not in a blaming way, but in an understanding way. This will help him to feel safer when faced with the threat of being honest.

Remember, in your child’s experience regarding lying, the worst thing that ever happened to him is threatening to happen again. Don’t increase his stress and fear by yelling or getting angry, instead practice The Three Step Lying Solution until you have gotten really good at it. By that time your child will be lying much less

Choose Love,

B.

Have you read Bryan Post’s FREE e-Book How to End Lying Now: Why Kids Lie and What You Can Do to Stop It?

Post Weekly Contest Giveaways on Facebook! Make sure you stop by our Facebook page often as we are giving away books, DVDs, CDs and more each week for a full year. This is a chance to learn, play and interact with other committed parents and professionals and WIN! http://www.facebook.com/postinstitute

About Bryan Post

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Holiday Peace: Turn Holiday Stress into Peaceful Family Time CD by Bryan Post – Help the Holidays Be Happy Times rather than Stressful Times with Bryan’s 4 Point Plan!

“Classic” Bryan Post delivers tips, hints, wisdom and what not to do to help your family have a better holiday with his 4 Point Plan. Don’t let the holidays “just happen”. The Holidays should not come as a surprise. Plan ahead on how best to help your challenging child – and yourself, stayed regulated. Don’t let your anger and frustration or your children’s behaviors ruin your holidays. Use the Stress Model to bring Joy to the World, Peace on Earth and Goodwill toward All!

Get a FREE download of the e-Book (pdf) as a bonus with this CD! — only $9.95 or just get the e-Book for FREE!
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For more of Bryan Post’s unique truly love based family centered approach for managing children with challenging behaviors, visit his websites:

• www.postinstitute.com – A Radical New Understanding of Difficult Children resource site. Lots of free stuff and training materials.
• www.reactiveattachmentdisorderparenting.com – A Parenting “Hands-On” Home Study Course for parents & professionals with RAD kids and many other challenging behaviors and diagnoses.
• www.oxytocincentral.com – Resource site for the latest info and research on Oxytocin, the hormone responsible for attachment and bonding.
• www.postinnercircle.com – Where Desperate Parents Come for Solutions and Support. You Are Not Alone. If there were a way to personally interact with Bryan Post on a regular basis, would you be interested? If there were a community of other parents and professionals who wanted peace and harmony in their families as much as you, and you could learn from them, would you be interested in joining them?

Peace or Stress? Mindfulness Tips for the Holidays #4 – Do You Hear What I hear?

Do You Hear What I Hear? Tom Keith died recently. Most of us never heard his name, but if you ever listened to Prairie Home Companion on NPR, you heard the myriad of sound effects that this man came up using just his own voice. A friend of mine told me that Mr. Keith once said, “I don’t know why anyone would want to listen to earphones with so many sounds in the world to hear”. The moment Dorothy told me that quote, a whole world of sound appeared before my very ears, of which moments ago I was oblivious to. I said to my wife, “all of a sudden I hear all these sounds…”. She echoed the same feelings and said, “suddenly I heard those people laughing and singing whereas I didn’t even know they were there a minute ago”.

Listen – there are always sounds around you no matter where you are, but most of the time you filter them out. Pause and tune in. Hear all the sounds of your world. Listen closely for the background hum that is the ground of everything..” — Frederick Burggraf, The Mindfulness Wheel

The steps that Mr. Burggraf offers in his approach can be used daily with a different focus for living in the present moment. Practicing mindfulness through listening, we not only begin to hear what is around us and intended for us, but it also puts us in touch with those “unheard” messages that we often miss. These could be anything from our own “inner voice”, our intuition or even Divine counsel.  Even being mindful of no-sounds can reveal things previously invisible to us. We may begin to not only hear our children’s voice, but maybe even their real needs and desires unfiltered by our own thinking, desires and projections. Wouldn’t that be interesting…

Frederick Burggraf created a wonderful little tool called The Mindfulness Wheel (www.dayonepublishing.com). We will be sharing some of his quick and easy lessons along with other mindfulness  tips over the Holiday Season to help us all stay regulated, calmer, patient and more loving with our special children. Use them; let us know how they work and what you learn from them.

Choose to Listen.

— David Durovy
————————————————Advertisement—————————————————
Holiday Peace: Turn Holiday Stress into Peaceful Family Time CD by Bryan Post – Help the Holidays Be Happy Times rather than Stressful Times with Bryan’s 4 Point Plan!

“Classic” Bryan Post delivers tips, hints, wisdom and what not to do to help your family have a better holiday with his 4 Point Plan. Don’t let the holidays “just happen”. The Holidays should not come as a surprise. Plan ahead on how best to help your challenging child – and yourself, stayed regulated. Don’t let your anger and frustration or your children’s behaviors ruin your holidays. Use the Stress Model to bring Joy to the World, Peace on Earth and Goodwill toward All!

Get a FREE download of the e-Book (pdf) as a bonus with this CD! — only $9.95
————————————————————————————————
For more of Bryan Post’s unique truly love based family centered approach for managing children with challenging behaviors, visit his websites:

• www.postinstitute.com – A Radical New Understanding of Difficult Children resource site. Lots of free stuff and training materials.
• www.reactiveattachmentdisorderparenting.com – A Parenting “Hands-On” Home Study Course for parents & professionals with RAD kids and many other challenging behaviors and diagnoses.
• www.oxytocincentral.com – Resource site for the latest info and research on Oxytocin, the hormone responsible for attachment and bonding.
• www.postinnercircle.com – Where Desperate Parents Come for Solutions and Support. You Are Not Alone. If there were a way to personally interact with Bryan Post on a regular basis, would you be interested? If there were a community of other parents and professionals who wanted peace and harmony in their families as much as you, and you could learn from them, would you be interested in joining them?Also free parenting videos by Bryan Post on YouTube, and up to date information, discounts, weekly contests Like our Facebook page.