“Get The Belt” Parents Don’t Read This!

A truly love based parenting paradigm does not make sense to old paradigm, traditional fear-based parents (authority/dominance vs love/influence). In fact, it looks almost insane. As in, “you have got to be out of your mind Post”! But if we look at the world, we can hardly say that old paradigm, traditional, conventional, typical parenting approaches do much for building a peaceful world. Some say, “when I was a kid, I got a good whipping when I did wrong and I turned out alright”. When I listen to the media, I wonder how alright alright really is? In addition, you who turned out alright weren’t abandoned at 2 years old by a drug addicted mother, no father to speak of, and missed the most critical first 3 years of bonding and attachment with your parent. If you had a dad to whip you, you at least had a dad. Besides, once you have been punched in the eye by your 17 year old adopted son, you get the sense that this is not your ordinary child raising.

Typical kids roll their eyes, whine, complain and eventually do what they are told. Traumatized kids may punch you or worse. And you are lucky if they ever do what they are asked at times, at least without a world war. Even if you win you loose. I’d rather switch than fight. Here is a more typical traumatized situation, and some very non-typical guidance. It may give you something to think about. Remember, if you loose the relationship, you have no influence. If you’ve lost that— you’ve lost everything.

Dear Bryan—  Our 17 year old son is failing in school partially because he refuses to go part of the time and partially because he refuses to work.  The school has been very accommodating, but he has refused any alternate ideas offered.  I try to spend ten minutes with him each morning, waking him and being as pleasant as I can.  At night, he lays in his room and plays Game Boy or reads as late as he can.

Friday night, because we won’t buy him a class ring until he passes three semesters, he left the house at 6:30 p.m. with one girl and came back after ten and announced he was spending the weekend out of town with another girl.  He ignored our requests to not go.  He returned Sunday night as if he had just been out for a walk.  He acts like we owe him service, video game, and TV time.

Our 15 year old daughter complains because we “let” him do what he wants.  Tonight she is not home yet; it is 11:15 and she has a curfew for her probation at 9:00.  She is also back hanging out with a friend who she said is a bad influence.  She was just starting to work hard, so her grades were moving toward F.  Again, the school is accommodating and trying to help her.

It is going to take a lot more than breathing to get through this one.  I feel like there is no way to set limits.  I have considered telling my son he needs to pay rent if he is going to refuse to follow rules.  He doesn’t seem to have the ability to work, was taken off the schedule for his last job because he “lacked ambition.”  —Mom and Dad

Hello, Mom and Dad—  Here’s the hard part about the task you have taken on raising your children: You have to stop taking personally their life process and many of the decisions they shall make. The two of you have done a wonderful job by these children, but you often forget where they came from, what their earliest working blueprints are, and what their unconscious motivations might be.

Secondly, when one is acting out and another threatens to do the same, your anxiety rises even higher. Rather than getting upset with your daughter, remind her that she is very capable of making the same choices as her brother, and not only will the two of you be hurt, but she will most likely not be happy with where she ends up. Encourage her to do the right thing, but give her the option to do otherwise. Remember, she is going to do what she wants anyway; don’t create a dynamic where you are fueling her emotional state. Influence rather than control, maintain the relationship, and trust the process.

As for your son, it’s much the same; charging him to pay rent will only cause him to move out. The two of you have come so far with this kid, but remember 17 is still only 17 and there are still many years left for you to influence his life! You are in a scary place now, but is it that much more scary than where you have been in the past? So far you have kept these kids in school, and though they are failing, at least they make the effort to attend. They are not serious alcoholics, drug addicts, or depressives. Look at their history; it’s all there if that is the path they take, but I believe your influence will be greater. Don’t allow your fear to push them away. Work with what you have in the moment, today. And Always keep the door open. Always. —B.

“Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.”
— Master Yoda- Star Wars Episode I

Have a Calm and Peaceful Day.

David

Have you read Bryan Post’s FREE e-Book How to End Lying Now: Why Kids Lie and What You Can Do to Stop It? Post offers a radical new understanding of difficult children – adopted, foster, diagnosed, biological, or grandchild. The Post Institute has helped families and professionals move from fear to love in their struggles with challenging behaviors such as defiance, disrespect, self-mutilation, cutting, hoarding or gorging food, stealing lying and more! This free book can get you started – see your child’s behaviors in an entirely different light and learn how to apply this approach. A truly love based family-centered model for many behaviors and diagnoses.

Post Daily Parenting Inspiration and more on Facebook! Make sure you stop by our Facebook page often for Daily Dose of Parenting Oxytocin, Special Discounts, Offers, Videos, News and whatever else we can pass along to our committed parents and professionals. This is a place to learn, play and interact with other committed parents and professionals and WIN prizes!

                  

Parenting Attachment Challenged Children “Hands-On” Home Study Course
Want Serious Help — Seriously? This may be the answer you have been praying for. There really can be peace in the family with your child. Bryan Post‘s Powerful new program is now available and includes the new 5 Hour Course on CD-Rom to accompany the workbook and 6 Hours of Video. This new program provides all the tools and understanding you need in order effectively parent your challenging kids. The home study course for parenting the child with challenging behaviors is life changing and is only meant for the serious parent or professional This course with accompanying workbook and the 5 hours of course material on CD-Rom to follow along will make the concepts easy to work with. You will have step-by-step instructions on how to create a therapeutic healing environment for children with trauma histories. If nothing else works for your child, this may be the training program you have been praying for. This best-selling package will start you on the road to restoring peace in your family and give you a running start! You will never know unless you try this, but you might always wonder.

For more of Bryan Post’s unique truly love based family centered approach for managing children with challenging behaviors, visit his websites:

• www.postinstitute.com – A Radical New Understanding of Difficult Children resource site. Lots of free stuff and training materials.
• www.reactiveattachmentdisorderparenting.com – The Parenting Course for parents & professionals with RAD kids and many other challenging behaviors and diagnoses.
• www.oxytocincentral.com – Resource site for the latest info and research on Oxytocin, the hormone responsible for attachment and bonding.
• www.postinnercircle.com – Where Desperate Parents Come for Solutions and Support. You Are Not Alone. If there were a way to personally interact with Bryan Post on a regular basis, would you be interested? If there were a community of other parents and professionals who wanted peace and harmony in their families as much as you, and you could learn from them, would you be interested in joining them?

If you’d like to receive a FREE copy of our Post Parenting Toolbox each week, sign up on our home page. Click on the image here to see a sample of a Parenting Toolbox.

Learn to Say Yes.

“Let Me Think About It. I Will Let You Know” – Bryan Post

I see this again and again in my life and the parents we meet. “NO”. When our children ask us for something, we parents are so caught up in our own fears that an almost instinctive (almost but not really) response to a child’s request is NO. Then begins the struggle, especially from our highly reactive kids, to justify, authoritize, dominate, overpower, and eventually say something like….”Now, because you have been so argumentative, ugly, mean, disrespectful and child-like, not only are you not going to get what you asked for, but I will now take away x,y and z, AND you won’t see the light of day till you are at least 35 years old!”

We expect our RAD kids who have little ability to reason things out – age not withstanding – yet we have no problem reacting out of our own fear/stress in an unreasonable way, without apologizing to our children just because we are the parents and if we do not consistently stand by our word (mo matter how unfair, reactive, over-reactive, unreasonable, il-logical) we will do our children an injustice and lead them to think that they can then manipulate us since NO may not mean no in the end – if they fight hard enough or are clever enough to get around us.

Bryan has suggested as a response (not a reaction) to a request is simply to say, “let me think about it. I will let you know”. Whew. Now, I actually get to “think” about it rather than “react” to it. This is so big that it could possibly change the future of the world. Really. And in that “thinking” about it, we can:

• Mindfully consider our own fear vs. the reality of what is being presented;
• Mindfully consider the request outside of the “do they DESERVE this privilege” and perhaps realize that DESERVING is just another conventional behavior modification, reward and punishment control/dominate approach. Many of our special kids will mostly NEVER deserve privileges when seen in the conventional way. They often just do not have the neural or psychological development used to judge such deservingness. So why hold them to an unreasonable standard. If you have any doubt, consider their past behaviors. Enough said.
• Mindfully consider our child’s needs vs. our own needs (since I don’t want to have to worry about you, I won’t let you go…or I don’t want you to fail)
• Mindfully consider that this may be not an “opportunity for a child to earn trust or prove themselves by not messing up” – but simply a learning experience that can occur whether they fail or succeed. Either way, they win. Both ways we win.
• Mindfully consider what your spouse would think – and then talk it out with them rather than be afraid that they might not like it if we said yes – so choosing the easy path of no.
• Mindfully consider a whole host of new variable, thoughts, feelings and emotional baggage that we have been carrying for years and heretofore have been unconscious of and allowed them to control us.
• Mindfully consider that many of our children just simply do not, may not ever or at least for a long while have what it takes to not disappoint us regularly.

The philosopher Aldous Huxley said that experience is not what happens to us, it is what we do with what happens to us. We parents cannot really control what happens to our children. We can however, influence what they do what with what happens to them with our love, our compassion, our wisdom and often just by our presence. These may turn out to be the greatest things we can give our children – and the world. And it may come more often if we learn to just say YES.

An article I read recently about Mindfulness training for incarcerated youths quoted one of the instructors, Vinny Ferraro, teacher-training director of the program who said “If you’re coming in there to teach them something, then forget it. But if you’re coming in there to be with them, to sit in the space with them and be with them in an authentic way, where you’re actually modeling what you’re asking them to do, then the sky’s the limit.”

To read article mentioned here, go to http://khyentsefoundation.com/2012/03/mba-projects-mindfulness-training-for-incarcerated-youth-yields-effective-results/

“Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.”
— Master Yoda- Star Wars Episode I

Have a Calm and Peaceful Day.

David
Have you read Bryan Post’s FREE e-Book How to End Lying Now: Why Kids Lie and What You Can Do to Stop It? Post offers a radical new understanding of difficult children – adopted, foster, diagnosed, biological, or grandchild. The Post Institute has helped families and professionals move from fear to love in their struggles with challenging behaviors such as defiance, disrespect, self-mutilation, cutting, hoarding or gorging food, stealing lying and more! This free book can get you started – see your child’s behaviors in an entirely different light and learn how to apply this approach. A truly love based family-centered model for many behaviors and diagnoses.

Post Daily Parenting Inspiration and more on Facebook! Make sure you stop by our Facebook page often for Daily Dose of Parenting Oxytocin, Special Discounts, Offers, Videos, News and whatever else we can pass along to our committed parents and professionals. This is a place to learn, play and interact with other committed parents and professionals and WIN prizes!

                  

Parenting Attachment Challenged Children “Hands-On” Home Study Course
Want Serious Help — Seriously? This may be the answer you have been praying for. There really can be peace in the family with your child. Bryan Post‘s Powerful new program is now available and includes the new 5 Hour Course on CD-Rom to accompany the workbook and 6 Hours of Video. This new program provides all the tools and understanding you need in order effectively parent your challenging kids. The home study course for parenting the child with challenging behaviors is life changing and is only meant for the serious parent or professional This course with accompanying workbook and the 5 hours of course material on CD-Rom to follow along will make the concepts easy to work with. You will have step-by-step instructions on how to create a therapeutic healing environment for children with trauma histories. If nothing else works for your child, this may be the training program you have been praying for. This best-selling package will start you on the road to restoring peace in your family and give you a running start! You will never know unless you try this, but you might always wonder.

For more of Bryan Post’s unique truly love based family centered approach for managing children with challenging behaviors, visit his websites:

• www.postinstitute.com – A Radical New Understanding of Difficult Children resource site. Lots of free stuff and training materials.
• www.reactiveattachmentdisorderparenting.com – The Parenting Course for parents & professionals with RAD kids and many other challenging behaviors and diagnoses.
• www.oxytocincentral.com – Resource site for the latest info and research on Oxytocin, the hormone responsible for attachment and bonding.
• www.postinnercircle.com – Where Desperate Parents Come for Solutions and Support. You Are Not Alone. If there were a way to personally interact with Bryan Post on a regular basis, would you be interested? If there were a community of other parents and professionals who wanted peace and harmony in their families as much as you, and you could learn from them, would you be interested in joining them?

If you’d like to receive a FREE copy of our Post Parenting Toolbox each week, sign up on our home page. Click on the image here to see the latest Parenting Toolbox.

The Great Parenting Show 2012

Parenting Experts Share Their Wisdom: Your Success!
FREE FREE FREE
Interactive – Submit Questions Online.
Replay Recordings Available for Limited Time!

Have you ever wondered:

How to discipline your children without ruining their
self-esteem?
How to put deal with your picky eaters?
How to protect your child from being bullied at school or online?
How to overcome your own parenting issues so as not to raise
children with hang-ups?
How to raise your children financially aware?

I know how hard parenting is, and that’s why I am excited
to tell you about a great show I’m taking part in. It’s
called the Great Parenting Show, the #1 Online Resource for
Parents and it promises to answer all of these questions
and some you haven’t even thought of!

This breakthrough 3- month series begins on Tuesday, March 13th at 10am PT, 11am MT, 12pm CT and 1pm ET  so register right now to get more information: ==>  http://greatparentingshow.com/cmd.php?af=1435900

Not only are the interviews available online, but they are free to you AND you can ask your top parenting question of me, and the other 23+ great parenting experts!

I will be speaking on Tuesday, March 20, 2012. My topic
will be Parenting a Child with Extreme Behaviors –Lying, Stealing, Defiance, Aggression – so don’t miss the chance to ask me your questions live over the web!  Register here: ==>  http://greatparentingshow.com/cmd.php?af=1435900

Here are just a few of the other very well-known speakers included on the Great Parenting Show:

** Dr. Jane Nelsen, is the prolific author of Positive Discipline and other parenting books, past Oprah guest and major influence on other educators,

** Neale Donald Walsh, best-selling author of Conversations with God, will talk about how to make spirituality accessible to your children,

** Sharon Lechter, coauthor of Rich Dad, Poor Dad, and creator of the Thrive Teen Game, will talk about raising financially literate children,

** Dr. Joe Rubino is an internationally acclaimed expert, success coach and best-selling author, talking about raising kids with high self-esteem,

**Shelly Lefkoe, author and parenting educator talking about making parenting easier and more fun, WITHOUT sabotaging your children’s future,

** Amy McCready,  is a popular parenting educator who will share her proven tips to  get your kids to behave without nagging, , reminding or yelling.

** Dr. Deborah Rozman, is a psychologist who has co-authored over a dozen books, as well as co-founded the HeartMath Institute, And so many more!

Check out the full line up here and register to get more information: ==>  http://greatparentingshow.com/cmd.php?af=1435900

Again, this three month weekly training is completely free to you! We’ll be sharing the best of the best strategies, tactics and processes we know to help you with your parenting issues and make the journey happier, and much more successful!

I hope you take advantage of this unique chance to have get answers to virtually all parenting issues!

Calls are free, so space is limited. Reserve your spot by clicking on this link now: ==>  http://greatparentingshow.com/cmd.php?af=1435900

After you register, keep an eye out for Jacqueline’s email with your details for listening in on the calls.

I look forward to interacting with you.

Choose Love,

B

P. S. By the way, if you can’t make the LIVE CALLS Every Tuesday & Thursday, don’t worry … they’ve got you covered! The interviews will be recorded and will be available after each show for a limited time so you won’t miss a thing. Make sure you sign up now to get these replay recordings. ==>  http://greatparentingshow.com/cmd.php?af=1435900

Have you read Bryan Post’s FREE e-Book How to End Lying Now: Why Kids Lie and What You Can Do to Stop It? Post offers a radical new understanding of difficult children – adopted, foster, diagnosed, biological, or grandchild. The Post Institute has helped families and professionals move from fear to love in their struggles with challenging behaviors such as defiance, disrespect, self-mutilation, cutting, hoarding or gorging food, stealing lying and more! This free book can get you started – see your child’s behaviors in an entirely different light and learn how to apply this approach. A truly love based family-centered model for many behaviors and diagnoses.

Post Daily Parenting Inspiration and more on Facebook! Make sure you stop by our Facebook page often for Daily Dose of Parenting Oxytocin, Special Discounts, Offers, Videos, News and whatever else we can pass along to our committed parents and professionals. This is a place to learn, play and interact with other committed parents and professionals and WIN prizes!

                  

Parenting Attachment Challenged Children “Hands-On” Home Study Course
Want Serious Help — Seriously? This may be the answer you have been praying for. There really can be peace in the family with your child. Bryan Post‘s Powerful new program is now available and includes the new 5 Hour Course on CD-Rom to accompany the workbook and 6 Hours of Video. This new program provides all the tools and understanding you need in order effectively parent your challenging kids. The home study course for parenting the child with challenging behaviors is life changing and is only meant for the serious parent or professional This course with accompanying workbook and the 5 hours of course material on CD-Rom to follow along will make the concepts easy to work with. You will have step-by-step instructions on how to create a therapeutic healing environment for children with trauma histories. If nothing else works for your child, this may be the training program you have been praying for. This best-selling package will start you on the road to restoring peace in your family and give you a running start! You will never know unless you try this, but you might always wonder.

For more of Bryan Post’s unique truly love based family centered approach for managing children with challenging behaviors, visit his websites:

• www.postinstitute.com – A Radical New Understanding of Difficult Children resource site. Lots of free stuff and training materials.
• www.reactiveattachmentdisorderparenting.com – The Parenting Course for parents & professionals with RAD kids and many other challenging behaviors and diagnoses.
• www.oxytocincentral.com – Resource site for the latest info and research on Oxytocin, the hormone responsible for attachment and bonding.
• www.postinnercircle.com – Where Desperate Parents Come for Solutions and Support. You Are Not Alone. If there were a way to personally interact with Bryan Post on a regular basis, would you be interested? If there were a community of other parents and professionals who wanted peace and harmony in their families as much as you, and you could learn from them, would you be interested in joining them?

If you’d like to receive a FREE copy of our Post Parenting Toolbox each week, sign up on our home page. Click on the image here to see the latest Parenting Toolbox.

The Stress Model by Bryan Post

The Stress Model: Understanding the Dynamics of Love and Fear

The Stress Model is a theoretical model that explains the root cause of problematic behavior. In fact, if you are able to fully grasp the Stress Model, and the wide-ranging implications for its applicability, it will enable you to begin creating a healing dynamic for your family within the next moment!

The Stress Model says, “All behavior arises from a state of stress. In between the state of stress (albeit good stress or bad stress) and the behavior, is the presence of an emotion. It is through the expression, processing, and understanding of the emotion that we can calm the stress (reducing the bodymind’s overwhelming stress reaction) and diminish the behavior.

Critical Points:
We only have two primary emotions: Love and Fear. That which does not look, feel, and can be perceived as loving, stems from a primary root of fear. Fear is the only viable opposite to Love. Yet, as it stands alone, love truly has no opposite. That which is not love is only fear. Examples, anger, jealousy, defiance, attachment disorder, anxiety, and depression, just to name a few. These various feelings and behaviors stem from a primary root of fear. For expansion of this idea concerning the two primary emotions visit: ReactiveAttachmentDisorderParenting.com.

The expression of emotion triggers fear reactions in others. When this occurs we are only able to see a threat. For instance, a child saying “no” to a parent creates an immediate stress reaction for the parent. This reaction will lead to a cascade of fear emotions on behalf of the parent. When this occurs the parent is unable to see clearly the essence of their child’s behavior. Remember, when you feel threatened or afraid, you cannot see another person’s fear because you are in a self-protect mode. For expansion on this idea concerning lying visit: The Great Behavior Breakdown.

According to Dr. Bruce Perry, M.D. we all respond to stress in one of two different ways, by becoming either hyper-aroused or hypo-aroused. These two states are referred to as states of affect dysregulation. Our ultimate drive is to live in a state of regulation (love) this state is referred to as the optimal state of functioning and development. Remember, some degree of stress is pertinent to our healthy growth and development, but too much stress leaves us trapped in a state of fear. If your child is chronically acting out or misbehaving, he or she is attempting to communicate to you that he or she is in a state of fear (not manipulating as many say) and overwhelming stress that cannot be interrupted without parental assistance.

Always Choose Love.

B.

Have you read Bryan Post’s FREE e-Book How to End Lying Now: Why Kids Lie and What You Can Do to Stop It? Post offers a radical new understanding of difficult children – adopted, foster, diagnosed, biological, or grandchild. The Post Institute has helped families and professionals move from fear to love in their struggles with challenging behaviors such as defiance, disrespect, self-mutilation, cutting, hoarding or gorging food, stealing lying and more! This free book can get you started – see your child’s behaviors in an entirely different light and learn how to apply this approach. A truly love based family-centered model for many behaviors and diagnoses.

Post Daily Parenting Inspiration and more on Facebook! Make sure you stop by our Facebook page often for Daily Dose of Parenting Oxytocin, Special Discounts, Offers, Videos, News and whatever else we can pass along to our committed parents and professionals. This is a place to learn, play and interact with other committed parents and professionals and WIN prizes!

                  

Parenting Attachment Challenged Children “Hands-On” Home Study Course
Want Serious Help — Seriously? This may be the answer you have been praying for. There really can be peace in the family with your child. Bryan Post‘s Powerful new program is now available and includes the new 5 Hour Course on CD-Rom to accompany the workbook and 6 Hours of Video. This new program provides all the tools and understanding you need in order effectively parent your challenging kids. The home study course for parenting the child with challenging behaviors is life changing and is only meant for the serious parent or professional This course with accompanying workbook and the 5 hours of course material on CD-Rom to follow along will make the concepts easy to work with. You will have step-by-step instructions on how to create a therapeutic healing environment for children with trauma histories. If nothing else works for your child, this may be the training program you have been praying for. This best-selling package will start you on the road to restoring peace in your family and give you a running start! You will never know unless you try this, but you might always wonder.

For more of Bryan Post’s unique truly love based family centered approach for managing children with challenging behaviors, visit his websites:

• www.postinstitute.com – A Radical New Understanding of Difficult Children resource site. Lots of free stuff and training materials.
• www.reactiveattachmentdisorderparenting.com – The Parenting Course for parents & professionals with RAD kids and many other challenging behaviors and diagnoses.
• www.oxytocincentral.com – Resource site for the latest info and research on Oxytocin, the hormone responsible for attachment and bonding.
• www.postinnercircle.com – Where Desperate Parents Come for Solutions and Support. You Are Not Alone. If there were a way to personally interact with Bryan Post on a regular basis, would you be interested? If there were a community of other parents and professionals who wanted peace and harmony in their families as much as you, and you could learn from them, would you be interested in joining them?

On Child Abuse: From Darkness To Light

On Child Abuse: From Darkness To Light
As a society the majority of our fellow members of mankind live in darkness. By darkness I mean unconscious. That level of our being which from moment to moment is outside of our conscious awareness. Unconscious meaning, the years of imprints, experiences, and generational stories, which from a core level, direct our behavior in most waking moments. As long as we live in darkness there will be child abuse. Our society as a whole is marred with traumatic experiences from slavery, to the Great Depression, throughout Civil Rights, Wars, and so forth. Thus, violence and fear live within our very cells. Pulsating, communicating, and waiting until our stress escalates to the point beyond clear and coherent thinking.

Child abuse does not just occur with the poor, nor is it exclusive to the wealthy. Child abuse supersedes all socioeconomic levels and classes, it  penetrates into communities, churches, and bureaucracy. Darkness prevails. It is simple, easy, relatively painless, and requires only that we move around within it, not questioning. As long as there is darkness there will be child abuse. Until we seek light we will not be free of child abuse. The only way to alleviate darkness is through the permission of light. Light is consciousness. To live a life of light we must seek a deeper understanding of ourselves, our history, and the current state of affairs. We must walk mindfully into each day recognizing the imprints of violence and fear from our past and challenge it at every turn so that we will not perpetuate the cycle. We must seek understanding of others, but only after we have sought it for ourselves. Until you can see something within yourself it is impossible to see it within others. At any given moment we must understand that someone is doing the best they can whether it is right or wrong, beautiful or tragic, it is a reflection of their own unconscious and the making of such has taken years and generations.

By seeking to understand then we can see, relate, listen, and comprehend the pain that might be directing another’s behaviors. This requires a surpassing of judgment based on our own beliefs and values. This is yet another challenge to living in light. Non-judgment. Jesus said “Judge ye not, lest ye be judged.” Suspending judgment is not easy. If we can suspend judgment and truly meet another where they are then we can formulate the actions to help them alleviate their own darkness, thus bringing light, thus reducing the possibility for child abuse.

We must fanatically seek education. If what we have is not working it only makes sense that we must evaluate, revise, revolutionize, and advance towards a new knowledge which in and of itself brings light. Seeking education is a painful and challenging journey. To question the generations, perhaps not in every matter, but in the matters of our hearts and minds is difficult. For not only is the seeking and attainment of education pertinent, the challenge only intensifies with each step afterwards. For once you have attained a deeper understanding, a dynamic new education, and a bright enlightening, then you must face the masses. The masses can be harsh, violent, unrelenting, and dogmatic in their dark beliefs. To this point understanding and education are not enough. Not even close. Stephen Covey says, “To know and not to do is to not know.” True knowing brings about action. Action without understanding only leads us back to darkness. Next time you hear another, or even yourself make the common statement, “I know,” question whether or not you really do know. For if you know you will naturally do differently.

Therefore, understanding and education must lead us to action. Not necessarily action that will be accepted or approved, both of which you should not expect, but action that will bring you into light. A light of love over fear. The path of light is fraught with hardship, for love is not easy. Loving ourselves, truly, and others is not easy. Love is not easy. Within love there is hope, faith, trust, perseverance, commitment, and the list goes on and on. These actions are not easy. Fear and darkness are easy.

Let us question our understanding, our education, and our actions. Do they continue to be burdened by darkness, or are they steadfastly moving towards light. Do we as a society truly have the courage to prevent child abuse? The quintessential question becomes do we have the courage to end our own violence, fear, and darkness? When we can answer that question with a resounding and honest yes, then we are truly ready for a Love Revolution. Then we will begin preventing and ending child abuse.

Always Choose Love.

B.

Have you read Bryan Post’s FREE e-Book How to End Lying Now: Why Kids Lie and What You Can Do to Stop It?

Post Daily Parenting Inspiration and more on Facebook! Make sure you stop by our Facebook page often for Daily Dose of Parenting Oxytocin, Special Discounts, Offers, Videos, News and whatever else we can pass along to our committed parents and professionals. This is a place to learn, play and interact with other committed parents and professionals and WIN prizes! http://www.facebook.com/postinstitute.

                  

————————————————Advertisement—————————————————
Parenting Attachment Challenged Children “Hands-On” Home Study Course
Want Serious Help — Seriously? This may be the answer you have been praying for. There really can be peace in the family with your child. Bryan Post‘s Powerful new program is now available and includes the new 5 Hour Course on CD-Rom to accompany the workbook and 6 Hours of Video. This new program provides all the tools and understanding you need in order effectively parent your challenging kids. The home study course for parenting the child with challenging behaviors is life changing and is only meant for the serious parent or professional This course with accompanying workbook and the 5 hours of course material on CD-Rom to follow along will make the concepts easy to work with. You will have step-by-step instructions on how to create a therapeutic healing environment for children with trauma histories. If nothing else works for your child, this may be the training program you have been praying for. This best-selling package will start you on the road to restoring peace in your family and give you a running start! You will never know unless you try this, but you might always wonder.
—————————————————————————————————————————
For more of Bryan Post’s unique truly love based family centered approach for managing children with challenging behaviors, visit his websites:

• www.postinstitute.com – A Radical New Understanding of Difficult Children resource site. Lots of free stuff and training materials.
• www.reactiveattachmentdisorderparenting.com – The Parenting Course for parents & professionals with RAD kids and many other challenging behaviors and diagnoses.
• www.oxytocincentral.com – Resource site for the latest info and research on Oxytocin, the hormone responsible for attachment and bonding.
• www.postinnercircle.com – Where Desperate Parents Come for Solutions and Support. You Are Not Alone. If there were a way to personally interact with Bryan Post on a regular basis, would you be interested? If there were a community of other parents and professionals who wanted peace and harmony in their families as much as you, and you could learn from them, would you be interested in joining them?

Biggest Barrier to Parental Commitment by Bryan Post

Never give up. Never quit and never admit defeat. — Winston Churchill

She called me on my cell phone and asked “Bryan,  will you come and get me. I don’t want to be here anymore.” I replied, “Is something wrong? Has something happened to make you feel uncertain or afraid?” She replied that nothing had happened, she just didn’t want to be in this particular treatment home any longer.  In fact, she stated that she would rather be taken to the department of social services so that she could sign herself out. She was after all, eighteen years old. This was going to be her third placement in as many weeks. Typically upon becoming triggered in some form or fashion this young lady would immediately desire to call her social worker and be removed from our program and from care. Occasionally, if neither of those requests seemed to illicit the response desired, she would methodically begin destroying the house.

A fifteen year old young man has been with us for nearly six months. During this six months he has broken expensive windows, assaulted staff and residents, ran away from both home and school countless times, verbally abused school staff, stolen, lied, smoked cigarettes, cut holes in furniture, sprayed graffiti on the school and surrounding buildings, compulsively broken another residents eye glasses on several occasions, thrown food, denied everything, and finally this past week after being denied an ear piercing by his mother on the phone, he hung up and feigned hatred stating he never wanted to speak to them again – and so far has not.

Why am I sharing both of these very challenging situations with you? Because they both, at varying times, have left me feeling helpless, frustrated, ignorant, uncaring, uncompassionate, and lacking commitment. Let’s look at one core dynamic. What element do you think creates the biggest barrier to being full out 100% committed to children that behave like this?

Fear. Plain and simple fear. Sometimes I feel terrified that I am not going to be able to help these children. Both of these children have spent countless years in the system. Both children have spent more than half their lives in residential treatment centers or therapeutic foster homes. Both entered the system at about the same time in life, around age six. Both came from neglectful circumstances. During the times that these children have been in my care, the care of Post Treatment Homes, there have been occasions of fear so great that I wanted nothing more than to give up. When fear strikes, we become rigid, inflexible, we lack creativity and passion and want to not be bothered with any additional stressors. However, I say, I scream, “We will not give up. I will not give up. I must do better, and must be more flexible, more passionate, more creative! When fear is present, we must muster the courage to love more.” Love always wins – but it has to be true love, that is unconditional love.

In the process, I slow down. We do not give up. I do not give up. I say to the eighteen year old, “You are mine now. I am your social worker. If you need something you call me. I determine where you go and you are not going back to residential treatment and you are not going to sign yourself out of care. I want you. You deserve a home, you deserve to feel safe,” as I take her firmly by both shoulders, “You might not like it very much and we will have to go through some really tough times, but we are going to make it. We are not giving up.”

I look sternly at the young man, request that he look at me, and I tell him, “I have hope for you. I believe that you are here for something special. I believe in you. I know that you get scared and all crazy in the head, but I know you can make it. I want that to happen for you and I won’t give up on you. Do you understand?” He nods yes and replies with all honesty, “Really?” I affirm with a strong, “Yes. Of course.”

So now here I am left with my fear, mustering courage, to continuing forward, waging this war in loves name, for loves sake for God’s sake. There are not many in this world that want these children any longer. To this date, my girl is still in the same home for a record amount of time and my boy is getting better by the month  – not the day or the minute— but month by month he is reaching for his future.

If we caregivers, parents, teachers and therapists give up, we loose all opportunity for saving our kids. If we give up, we loose the relationship. If there is no relationship, nothing else matters. If we have lost that, we have lost everything. Relationship builds influence. Influence leads to learning.

Dr. Jerry Jampolsky’s book states it clear – Love is letting go of fear. Courage is the ability to choose love in the midst of fear. It is not easy. It is however worth it.

Always Choose Love,

B.

Have you read Bryan Post’s FREE e-Book How to End Lying Now: Why Kids Lie and What You Can Do to Stop It?

Post Daily Parenting Inspiration and more on Facebook! Make sure you stop by our Facebook page often for special discounts, offers, videos, news and whatever else we can pass along to our committed parents and professionals. This is a place to learn, play and interact with other committed parents and professionals and WIN prizes! http://www.facebook.com/postinstitute.

                  

————————————————Advertisement—————————————————
Parenting Attachment Challenged Children “Hands-On” Home Study Course
Can there really be peace in the family with my child? Bryan Post‘s Powerful Parenting Attachment Challenged Children “Hands-on” Home Study Course is now available and includes the new 5 Hour Course on CD-Rom to accompany the workbook and 6 Hours of Video. This new program provides all the tools and understanding you need in order effectively parent your challenging kids. The home study course for parenting the child with challenging behaviors is life changing and is only meant for the serious parent or professional This course with accompanying workbook and the 5 hours of course material on CD-Rom to follow along will make the concepts easy to work with. You will have step-by-step instructions on how to create a therapeutic healing environment for children with trauma histories. If nothing else works for your child, this may be the training program you have been praying for. This best selling package will start you on the road to restoring peace in your family and give you a running start! You will never know unless you try this, but you might always wonder.
—————————————————————————————————————————
For more of Bryan Post’s unique truly love based family centered approach for managing children with challenging behaviors, visit his websites:

• www.postinstitute.com – A Radical New Understanding of Difficult Children resource site. Lots of free stuff and training materials.
• www.reactiveattachmentdisorderparenting.com – A Parenting “Hands-On” Home Study Course for parents & professionals with RAD kids and many other challenging behaviors and diagnoses.
• www.oxytocincentral.com – Resource site for the latest info and research on Oxytocin, the hormone responsible for attachment and bonding.
• www.postinnercircle.com – Where Desperate Parents Come for Solutions and Support. You Are Not Alone. If there were a way to personally interact with Bryan Post on a regular basis, would you be interested? If there were a community of other parents and professionals who wanted peace and harmony in their families as much as you, and you could learn from them, would you be interested in joining them?

More funding for child welfare

I recently ran across this news article and thought it was worth posting here.  Bryan Post

Moments ago, the House of Representatives gave final approval to HR 1586, which will provide much needed Medicaid and Title IV-E funding assistance to States. The bill, which passed the Senate last week, includes over $16 billion in aid to the states. The additional resources will help states stave off unwarranted cuts to health and child welfare services and will help them avoid laying off the providers of these services. The legislation provides a much needed 3.2% increase in federal support for the first quarter of FY 2011, and 1.2% increase for the second quarter.

 Background:

The House began their six-week August recess late last week but after the Senate passed the measure, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi announced that she would bring the Members back to take a vote on this legislation. Although Congress is rarely called back into session once they have adjourned for a recess, this aid to states was seen as too critical a matter to put off until Congress resumes in September.

Next Steps:

The bill now has to go to the President for his signature, which is expected shortly. If your Senators and/or Representative voted yes for this important legislation, please take a moment to call and thank them for their diligence in seeing that vulnerable children and families are protected.

On Healing

I recall as a teen being injured during basketball practice, actually knocked unconscious, and lying in bed when my mother got home from work. When she asked me what had happened I explained the best I could through my tears. My mom listened, turned my light off and then walked back out. Honestly I can’t recall if I was that injured or not, but when that happened it injured me worse. I moaned and cried out loud, begged and pleaded to go to the doctor, finally out of frustration she relented. I left the hospital in a neck brace and on crutches. I had sprained my neck, had a concussion, and torn ligaments in my knee.

Trauma is defined as any stressful event which is prolonged, overwhelming, or unpredictable. That means any stressful event, and stress can occur in more situations than we can possibly imagine. From pre-birth trauma to medical trauma, adoption, automobile accidents, witnessing a crime or murder, living in a stressful environment and everything else before, in between, and beyond, trauma can rear its very silent yet devastating impact.

In his seminal text, Affect Dysregulation and the Repair of the Self, author Allan Schore cites the findings of a meta-analysis of societal trauma: 50% of men in our society have experienced severe trauma and 60% of women. If you consider trauma as occurring on a spectrum of mild, moderate, severe, then essentially every member of our society has experienced some degree of trauma at some point during their lifetime. It is also important in understanding that when traumatic events continue on unexpressed, unprocessed, and misunderstood, it has the potential to impact the person for the rest of their lives.

There are so many levels from which we are impacted by trauma. Yet, it is in our immediate past and present day experiences that we most often look at trauma. I am convinced that this is merely the tip of the iceberg especially when it comes to parents and children who have been impacted by traumatic experiences. First of all, most parents are unaware, in denial, and flat out resistant to considering the impact of highly stressful past events on their current life circumstances. We tend to want to take a very puritanical approach to our pain, thus not surprisingly this carries over to our child-rearing.

Did my mother approach me this way because she was uncaring? Absolutely not, my mother is one of the most caring people that I know. However, when it comes to us and our family it is very easy to rely on past imprinting of just “tough it out”. As much as the trauma we may have directly experienced in our past or present is the impact of the generational trauma that has impacted all most all of us. I always encourage the parents and therapists that come to my camps to think not current generation pain, but go back a generation, two generations and see what you find. In the 1960’s the pioneering psychologist Bowen coined the term “generational transmission of stress” implying that stress and trauma are actually transmitted from one generation to the next. Forty years later science has confirmed this beyond a shadow of a doubt.
A passionate and concerned mother asked me the other day, “How long will it take for our family to find peace in our home. For our children to be more normal and just have the day to day challenges of normal children?” She didn’t like my answer, “Find peace now, today. This is when you will find peace. Not in the next moment or year, but today. Accept that your children are who they are and love them as they are, this will bring peace. If you are waiting for some magical moment when peace and normalcy will arrive, or come knocking at your door, then you have an expectation for the way things should be as opposed to an acceptance of the way things are. The problem with this line of thinking is that when peace and normalcy finally arrive, because we are too busy waiting for what we expect to show up, we don’t welcome what does. When this happens then peace and normalcy leaves our home as unwelcomed guest because we were too busy waiting for what we thought was going to show up.”

Healing is a process. It is a journey through repairing damage that has been done long ago. When a child has been mistreated, abused, deprived, or neglected during their most critical brain stages, then their brain has been shaped differently. In many ways he becomes a stranger in a strange world of expectations and demands, like a foreigner speaking a foreign language when everyone else speaks in the native tongue.

Additionally, what of the imprints we carry from a generational perspective? To have been witness to an adult treating a child in a manner of abuse, neglect, or maltreatment, is a reflection of how that adult was inevitably treated at some point in their own life. Not only is the child therefore victim to the adult, but also to the generations of mistreatment, abuse, deprivation, and neglect that came many generations before. Healing is therefore not merely about bringing one child or family into a sense of peace and normalcy, it is about changing the very fabric and imprinting of life. It is about what will be passed down through the DNA to the next generation of children. Healing trauma is a very big deal.

Let us not forget that life and love in and of themselves have the potential to heal. How many of us who have come from traumatic environments, circumstances, and relationships have been able to rebound and move forward? Maybe not finding perfect peace and harmony, who ever truly does, but able to experience the joys and wonders of the world, along with the sadness and grief that it offers, without ending up in jail, broken down, and alone. Many more have attained this than not. And what of the ones who have not? My personal belief is that as long as there is breath there is hope and everyone has a purpose and the value of that purpose cannot always be determined as it relates to the fabric of our lives.

Choose Love,
B.

Visit us at http://www.postinstitute.com