“Get The Belt” Parents Don’t Read This!

A truly love based parenting paradigm does not make sense to old paradigm, traditional fear-based parents (authority/dominance vs love/influence). In fact, it looks almost insane. As in, “you have got to be out of your mind Post”! But if we look at the world, we can hardly say that old paradigm, traditional, conventional, typical parenting approaches do much for building a peaceful world. Some say, “when I was a kid, I got a good whipping when I did wrong and I turned out alright”. When I listen to the media, I wonder how alright alright really is? In addition, you who turned out alright weren’t abandoned at 2 years old by a drug addicted mother, no father to speak of, and missed the most critical first 3 years of bonding and attachment with your parent. If you had a dad to whip you, you at least had a dad. Besides, once you have been punched in the eye by your 17 year old adopted son, you get the sense that this is not your ordinary child raising.

Typical kids roll their eyes, whine, complain and eventually do what they are told. Traumatized kids may punch you or worse. And you are lucky if they ever do what they are asked at times, at least without a world war. Even if you win you loose. I’d rather switch than fight. Here is a more typical traumatized situation, and some very non-typical guidance. It may give you something to think about. Remember, if you loose the relationship, you have no influence. If you’ve lost that— you’ve lost everything.

Dear Bryan—  Our 17 year old son is failing in school partially because he refuses to go part of the time and partially because he refuses to work.  The school has been very accommodating, but he has refused any alternate ideas offered.  I try to spend ten minutes with him each morning, waking him and being as pleasant as I can.  At night, he lays in his room and plays Game Boy or reads as late as he can.

Friday night, because we won’t buy him a class ring until he passes three semesters, he left the house at 6:30 p.m. with one girl and came back after ten and announced he was spending the weekend out of town with another girl.  He ignored our requests to not go.  He returned Sunday night as if he had just been out for a walk.  He acts like we owe him service, video game, and TV time.

Our 15 year old daughter complains because we “let” him do what he wants.  Tonight she is not home yet; it is 11:15 and she has a curfew for her probation at 9:00.  She is also back hanging out with a friend who she said is a bad influence.  She was just starting to work hard, so her grades were moving toward F.  Again, the school is accommodating and trying to help her.

It is going to take a lot more than breathing to get through this one.  I feel like there is no way to set limits.  I have considered telling my son he needs to pay rent if he is going to refuse to follow rules.  He doesn’t seem to have the ability to work, was taken off the schedule for his last job because he “lacked ambition.”  —Mom and Dad

Hello, Mom and Dad—  Here’s the hard part about the task you have taken on raising your children: You have to stop taking personally their life process and many of the decisions they shall make. The two of you have done a wonderful job by these children, but you often forget where they came from, what their earliest working blueprints are, and what their unconscious motivations might be.

Secondly, when one is acting out and another threatens to do the same, your anxiety rises even higher. Rather than getting upset with your daughter, remind her that she is very capable of making the same choices as her brother, and not only will the two of you be hurt, but she will most likely not be happy with where she ends up. Encourage her to do the right thing, but give her the option to do otherwise. Remember, she is going to do what she wants anyway; don’t create a dynamic where you are fueling her emotional state. Influence rather than control, maintain the relationship, and trust the process.

As for your son, it’s much the same; charging him to pay rent will only cause him to move out. The two of you have come so far with this kid, but remember 17 is still only 17 and there are still many years left for you to influence his life! You are in a scary place now, but is it that much more scary than where you have been in the past? So far you have kept these kids in school, and though they are failing, at least they make the effort to attend. They are not serious alcoholics, drug addicts, or depressives. Look at their history; it’s all there if that is the path they take, but I believe your influence will be greater. Don’t allow your fear to push them away. Work with what you have in the moment, today. And Always keep the door open. Always. —B.

“Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.”
— Master Yoda- Star Wars Episode I

Have a Calm and Peaceful Day.

David

Have you read Bryan Post’s FREE e-Book How to End Lying Now: Why Kids Lie and What You Can Do to Stop It? Post offers a radical new understanding of difficult children – adopted, foster, diagnosed, biological, or grandchild. The Post Institute has helped families and professionals move from fear to love in their struggles with challenging behaviors such as defiance, disrespect, self-mutilation, cutting, hoarding or gorging food, stealing lying and more! This free book can get you started – see your child’s behaviors in an entirely different light and learn how to apply this approach. A truly love based family-centered model for many behaviors and diagnoses.

Post Daily Parenting Inspiration and more on Facebook! Make sure you stop by our Facebook page often for Daily Dose of Parenting Oxytocin, Special Discounts, Offers, Videos, News and whatever else we can pass along to our committed parents and professionals. This is a place to learn, play and interact with other committed parents and professionals and WIN prizes!

                  

Parenting Attachment Challenged Children “Hands-On” Home Study Course
Want Serious Help — Seriously? This may be the answer you have been praying for. There really can be peace in the family with your child. Bryan Post‘s Powerful new program is now available and includes the new 5 Hour Course on CD-Rom to accompany the workbook and 6 Hours of Video. This new program provides all the tools and understanding you need in order effectively parent your challenging kids. The home study course for parenting the child with challenging behaviors is life changing and is only meant for the serious parent or professional This course with accompanying workbook and the 5 hours of course material on CD-Rom to follow along will make the concepts easy to work with. You will have step-by-step instructions on how to create a therapeutic healing environment for children with trauma histories. If nothing else works for your child, this may be the training program you have been praying for. This best-selling package will start you on the road to restoring peace in your family and give you a running start! You will never know unless you try this, but you might always wonder.

For more of Bryan Post’s unique truly love based family centered approach for managing children with challenging behaviors, visit his websites:

• www.postinstitute.com – A Radical New Understanding of Difficult Children resource site. Lots of free stuff and training materials.
• www.reactiveattachmentdisorderparenting.com – The Parenting Course for parents & professionals with RAD kids and many other challenging behaviors and diagnoses.
• www.oxytocincentral.com – Resource site for the latest info and research on Oxytocin, the hormone responsible for attachment and bonding.
• www.postinnercircle.com – Where Desperate Parents Come for Solutions and Support. You Are Not Alone. If there were a way to personally interact with Bryan Post on a regular basis, would you be interested? If there were a community of other parents and professionals who wanted peace and harmony in their families as much as you, and you could learn from them, would you be interested in joining them?

If you’d like to receive a FREE copy of our Post Parenting Toolbox each week, sign up on our home page. Click on the image here to see a sample of a Parenting Toolbox.

Learn to Say Yes.

“Let Me Think About It. I Will Let You Know” – Bryan Post

I see this again and again in my life and the parents we meet. “NO”. When our children ask us for something, we parents are so caught up in our own fears that an almost instinctive (almost but not really) response to a child’s request is NO. Then begins the struggle, especially from our highly reactive kids, to justify, authoritize, dominate, overpower, and eventually say something like….”Now, because you have been so argumentative, ugly, mean, disrespectful and child-like, not only are you not going to get what you asked for, but I will now take away x,y and z, AND you won’t see the light of day till you are at least 35 years old!”

We expect our RAD kids who have little ability to reason things out – age not withstanding – yet we have no problem reacting out of our own fear/stress in an unreasonable way, without apologizing to our children just because we are the parents and if we do not consistently stand by our word (mo matter how unfair, reactive, over-reactive, unreasonable, il-logical) we will do our children an injustice and lead them to think that they can then manipulate us since NO may not mean no in the end – if they fight hard enough or are clever enough to get around us.

Bryan has suggested as a response (not a reaction) to a request is simply to say, “let me think about it. I will let you know”. Whew. Now, I actually get to “think” about it rather than “react” to it. This is so big that it could possibly change the future of the world. Really. And in that “thinking” about it, we can:

• Mindfully consider our own fear vs. the reality of what is being presented;
• Mindfully consider the request outside of the “do they DESERVE this privilege” and perhaps realize that DESERVING is just another conventional behavior modification, reward and punishment control/dominate approach. Many of our special kids will mostly NEVER deserve privileges when seen in the conventional way. They often just do not have the neural or psychological development used to judge such deservingness. So why hold them to an unreasonable standard. If you have any doubt, consider their past behaviors. Enough said.
• Mindfully consider our child’s needs vs. our own needs (since I don’t want to have to worry about you, I won’t let you go…or I don’t want you to fail)
• Mindfully consider that this may be not an “opportunity for a child to earn trust or prove themselves by not messing up” – but simply a learning experience that can occur whether they fail or succeed. Either way, they win. Both ways we win.
• Mindfully consider what your spouse would think – and then talk it out with them rather than be afraid that they might not like it if we said yes – so choosing the easy path of no.
• Mindfully consider a whole host of new variable, thoughts, feelings and emotional baggage that we have been carrying for years and heretofore have been unconscious of and allowed them to control us.
• Mindfully consider that many of our children just simply do not, may not ever or at least for a long while have what it takes to not disappoint us regularly.

The philosopher Aldous Huxley said that experience is not what happens to us, it is what we do with what happens to us. We parents cannot really control what happens to our children. We can however, influence what they do what with what happens to them with our love, our compassion, our wisdom and often just by our presence. These may turn out to be the greatest things we can give our children – and the world. And it may come more often if we learn to just say YES.

An article I read recently about Mindfulness training for incarcerated youths quoted one of the instructors, Vinny Ferraro, teacher-training director of the program who said “If you’re coming in there to teach them something, then forget it. But if you’re coming in there to be with them, to sit in the space with them and be with them in an authentic way, where you’re actually modeling what you’re asking them to do, then the sky’s the limit.”

To read article mentioned here, go to http://khyentsefoundation.com/2012/03/mba-projects-mindfulness-training-for-incarcerated-youth-yields-effective-results/

“Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.”
— Master Yoda- Star Wars Episode I

Have a Calm and Peaceful Day.

David
Have you read Bryan Post’s FREE e-Book How to End Lying Now: Why Kids Lie and What You Can Do to Stop It? Post offers a radical new understanding of difficult children – adopted, foster, diagnosed, biological, or grandchild. The Post Institute has helped families and professionals move from fear to love in their struggles with challenging behaviors such as defiance, disrespect, self-mutilation, cutting, hoarding or gorging food, stealing lying and more! This free book can get you started – see your child’s behaviors in an entirely different light and learn how to apply this approach. A truly love based family-centered model for many behaviors and diagnoses.

Post Daily Parenting Inspiration and more on Facebook! Make sure you stop by our Facebook page often for Daily Dose of Parenting Oxytocin, Special Discounts, Offers, Videos, News and whatever else we can pass along to our committed parents and professionals. This is a place to learn, play and interact with other committed parents and professionals and WIN prizes!

                  

Parenting Attachment Challenged Children “Hands-On” Home Study Course
Want Serious Help — Seriously? This may be the answer you have been praying for. There really can be peace in the family with your child. Bryan Post‘s Powerful new program is now available and includes the new 5 Hour Course on CD-Rom to accompany the workbook and 6 Hours of Video. This new program provides all the tools and understanding you need in order effectively parent your challenging kids. The home study course for parenting the child with challenging behaviors is life changing and is only meant for the serious parent or professional This course with accompanying workbook and the 5 hours of course material on CD-Rom to follow along will make the concepts easy to work with. You will have step-by-step instructions on how to create a therapeutic healing environment for children with trauma histories. If nothing else works for your child, this may be the training program you have been praying for. This best-selling package will start you on the road to restoring peace in your family and give you a running start! You will never know unless you try this, but you might always wonder.

For more of Bryan Post’s unique truly love based family centered approach for managing children with challenging behaviors, visit his websites:

• www.postinstitute.com – A Radical New Understanding of Difficult Children resource site. Lots of free stuff and training materials.
• www.reactiveattachmentdisorderparenting.com – The Parenting Course for parents & professionals with RAD kids and many other challenging behaviors and diagnoses.
• www.oxytocincentral.com – Resource site for the latest info and research on Oxytocin, the hormone responsible for attachment and bonding.
• www.postinnercircle.com – Where Desperate Parents Come for Solutions and Support. You Are Not Alone. If there were a way to personally interact with Bryan Post on a regular basis, would you be interested? If there were a community of other parents and professionals who wanted peace and harmony in their families as much as you, and you could learn from them, would you be interested in joining them?

If you’d like to receive a FREE copy of our Post Parenting Toolbox each week, sign up on our home page. Click on the image here to see the latest Parenting Toolbox.

The Great Parenting Show 2012

Parenting Experts Share Their Wisdom: Your Success!
FREE FREE FREE
Interactive – Submit Questions Online.
Replay Recordings Available for Limited Time!

Have you ever wondered:

How to discipline your children without ruining their
self-esteem?
How to put deal with your picky eaters?
How to protect your child from being bullied at school or online?
How to overcome your own parenting issues so as not to raise
children with hang-ups?
How to raise your children financially aware?

I know how hard parenting is, and that’s why I am excited
to tell you about a great show I’m taking part in. It’s
called the Great Parenting Show, the #1 Online Resource for
Parents and it promises to answer all of these questions
and some you haven’t even thought of!

This breakthrough 3- month series begins on Tuesday, March 13th at 10am PT, 11am MT, 12pm CT and 1pm ET  so register right now to get more information: ==>  http://greatparentingshow.com/cmd.php?af=1435900

Not only are the interviews available online, but they are free to you AND you can ask your top parenting question of me, and the other 23+ great parenting experts!

I will be speaking on Tuesday, March 20, 2012. My topic
will be Parenting a Child with Extreme Behaviors –Lying, Stealing, Defiance, Aggression – so don’t miss the chance to ask me your questions live over the web!  Register here: ==>  http://greatparentingshow.com/cmd.php?af=1435900

Here are just a few of the other very well-known speakers included on the Great Parenting Show:

** Dr. Jane Nelsen, is the prolific author of Positive Discipline and other parenting books, past Oprah guest and major influence on other educators,

** Neale Donald Walsh, best-selling author of Conversations with God, will talk about how to make spirituality accessible to your children,

** Sharon Lechter, coauthor of Rich Dad, Poor Dad, and creator of the Thrive Teen Game, will talk about raising financially literate children,

** Dr. Joe Rubino is an internationally acclaimed expert, success coach and best-selling author, talking about raising kids with high self-esteem,

**Shelly Lefkoe, author and parenting educator talking about making parenting easier and more fun, WITHOUT sabotaging your children’s future,

** Amy McCready,  is a popular parenting educator who will share her proven tips to  get your kids to behave without nagging, , reminding or yelling.

** Dr. Deborah Rozman, is a psychologist who has co-authored over a dozen books, as well as co-founded the HeartMath Institute, And so many more!

Check out the full line up here and register to get more information: ==>  http://greatparentingshow.com/cmd.php?af=1435900

Again, this three month weekly training is completely free to you! We’ll be sharing the best of the best strategies, tactics and processes we know to help you with your parenting issues and make the journey happier, and much more successful!

I hope you take advantage of this unique chance to have get answers to virtually all parenting issues!

Calls are free, so space is limited. Reserve your spot by clicking on this link now: ==>  http://greatparentingshow.com/cmd.php?af=1435900

After you register, keep an eye out for Jacqueline’s email with your details for listening in on the calls.

I look forward to interacting with you.

Choose Love,

B

P. S. By the way, if you can’t make the LIVE CALLS Every Tuesday & Thursday, don’t worry … they’ve got you covered! The interviews will be recorded and will be available after each show for a limited time so you won’t miss a thing. Make sure you sign up now to get these replay recordings. ==>  http://greatparentingshow.com/cmd.php?af=1435900

Have you read Bryan Post’s FREE e-Book How to End Lying Now: Why Kids Lie and What You Can Do to Stop It? Post offers a radical new understanding of difficult children – adopted, foster, diagnosed, biological, or grandchild. The Post Institute has helped families and professionals move from fear to love in their struggles with challenging behaviors such as defiance, disrespect, self-mutilation, cutting, hoarding or gorging food, stealing lying and more! This free book can get you started – see your child’s behaviors in an entirely different light and learn how to apply this approach. A truly love based family-centered model for many behaviors and diagnoses.

Post Daily Parenting Inspiration and more on Facebook! Make sure you stop by our Facebook page often for Daily Dose of Parenting Oxytocin, Special Discounts, Offers, Videos, News and whatever else we can pass along to our committed parents and professionals. This is a place to learn, play and interact with other committed parents and professionals and WIN prizes!

                  

Parenting Attachment Challenged Children “Hands-On” Home Study Course
Want Serious Help — Seriously? This may be the answer you have been praying for. There really can be peace in the family with your child. Bryan Post‘s Powerful new program is now available and includes the new 5 Hour Course on CD-Rom to accompany the workbook and 6 Hours of Video. This new program provides all the tools and understanding you need in order effectively parent your challenging kids. The home study course for parenting the child with challenging behaviors is life changing and is only meant for the serious parent or professional This course with accompanying workbook and the 5 hours of course material on CD-Rom to follow along will make the concepts easy to work with. You will have step-by-step instructions on how to create a therapeutic healing environment for children with trauma histories. If nothing else works for your child, this may be the training program you have been praying for. This best-selling package will start you on the road to restoring peace in your family and give you a running start! You will never know unless you try this, but you might always wonder.

For more of Bryan Post’s unique truly love based family centered approach for managing children with challenging behaviors, visit his websites:

• www.postinstitute.com – A Radical New Understanding of Difficult Children resource site. Lots of free stuff and training materials.
• www.reactiveattachmentdisorderparenting.com – The Parenting Course for parents & professionals with RAD kids and many other challenging behaviors and diagnoses.
• www.oxytocincentral.com – Resource site for the latest info and research on Oxytocin, the hormone responsible for attachment and bonding.
• www.postinnercircle.com – Where Desperate Parents Come for Solutions and Support. You Are Not Alone. If there were a way to personally interact with Bryan Post on a regular basis, would you be interested? If there were a community of other parents and professionals who wanted peace and harmony in their families as much as you, and you could learn from them, would you be interested in joining them?

If you’d like to receive a FREE copy of our Post Parenting Toolbox each week, sign up on our home page. Click on the image here to see the latest Parenting Toolbox.

Why Do We Get Angry With Our Kids?

Why Do We Get Angry With Our Kids?

Our 18-year old son has an almost imperceptibly small window of tolerance. It is tiny. Anything and everything seems to push him into anger. We are sick and tired of his angry responses. Give us a break, oh Lord!

To be honest, son only has 3 difficult times during the day: waking up, going to bed and everything in between. But it is the anger that makes us angry. So I begin to wonder, “Why do we get angry with son when we know he is going to respond with anger, and 9 out of 10 times NOT do what we ask –  and even when he does it takes many requests from us?

Is anger the most powerful tool we have in our parenting toolbox? Is it the only tool we have? Is it just the last straw that we run to when all diplomacy fails and we don’t want to start a physical war? What would happen if we did NOT get angry? And why on earth is our anger ok and son’s is not? It’s not like anger sneaks up on us unannounced. Sure, we all have our moments when some trigger throws us unknowingly into a raging maniac (well, at least I have) and we stand by speechless wondering where did that came from? Most times we see the progression, which starts somewhere in our stomach or our toes curl or fingers clench, with flat to irritated tonality, volume increases (if it doesn’t work, do it louder), followed by repeated instructions, then onto shame, blame and threats. Finally if no action by child, then punishment, get physical touch, grab, shove or worse.

I have my reasons and excuses about being sick and tired of being sick and tired, and after 13 years you’d think son would finally get it that mom and dad loves him, etc. But what is, is as they say. I with my small parental brain cannot seem to learn or figure out that a storm may be brewing, so I get angry and voila—the storm happens.

Darn that kid, can’t he control his anger any better than I can?

So I wonder, why do we parents get angry? Why do you yell at your kids even when you know that it doesn’t help or heal. Why? If we smart, experienced, reasonable adults can’t control ourselves, how can we expect our traumatized kids with faulty wiring to do any better? What are we teaching our children with our anger? Most importantly, isn’t there a better way, like love for instance? And if we choose to parent from love, how would things look different? I wonder, what if…?

I have  my suspicions about all this, but I’d like to hear from you. Go to our Facebook page (www.facebook.com/postinstitute) and let us know why you get angry with your kids?

“Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.”
— Master Yoda- Star Wars Episode I

Have a Calm and Peaceful Day.

David

Have you read Bryan Post’s FREE e-Book How to End Lying Now: Why Kids Lie and What You Can Do to Stop It? Post offers a radical new understanding of difficult children – adopted, foster, diagnosed, biological, or grandchild. The Post Institute has helped families and professionals move from fear to love in their struggles with challenging behaviors such as defiance, disrespect, self-mutilation, cutting, hoarding or gorging food, stealing lying and more! This free book can get you started – see your child’s behaviors in an entirely different light and learn how to apply this approach. A truly love based family-centered model for many behaviors and diagnoses.

Post Daily Parenting Inspiration and more on Facebook! Make sure you stop by our Facebook page often for Daily Dose of Parenting Oxytocin, Special Discounts, Offers, Videos, News and whatever else we can pass along to our committed parents and professionals. This is a place to learn, play and interact with other committed parents and professionals and WIN prizes!

                  

Parenting Attachment Challenged Children “Hands-On” Home Study Course
Want Serious Help — Seriously? This may be the answer you have been praying for. There really can be peace in the family with your child. Bryan Post‘s Powerful new program is now available and includes the new 5 Hour Course on CD-Rom to accompany the workbook and 6 Hours of Video. This new program provides all the tools and understanding you need in order effectively parent your challenging kids. The home study course for parenting the child with challenging behaviors is life changing and is only meant for the serious parent or professional This course with accompanying workbook and the 5 hours of course material on CD-Rom to follow along will make the concepts easy to work with. You will have step-by-step instructions on how to create a therapeutic healing environment for children with trauma histories. If nothing else works for your child, this may be the training program you have been praying for. This best-selling package will start you on the road to restoring peace in your family and give you a running start! You will never know unless you try this, but you might always wonder.

For more of Bryan Post’s unique truly love based family centered approach for managing children with challenging behaviors, visit his websites:

• www.postinstitute.com – A Radical New Understanding of Difficult Children resource site. Lots of free stuff and training materials.
• www.reactiveattachmentdisorderparenting.com – The Parenting Course for parents & professionals with RAD kids and many other challenging behaviors and diagnoses.
• www.oxytocincentral.com – Resource site for the latest info and research on Oxytocin, the hormone responsible for attachment and bonding.
• www.postinnercircle.com – Where Desperate Parents Come for Solutions and Support. You Are Not Alone. If there were a way to personally interact with Bryan Post on a regular basis, would you be interested? If there were a community of other parents and professionals who wanted peace and harmony in their families as much as you, and you could learn from them, would you be interested in joining them?

If you’d like to receive a FREE copy of our Post Parenting Toolbox each week, sign up on our home page. Click on the image here to see the latest Parenting Toolbox.

Scared – Who Me? by Kristi Saul-Post

Scared?  Scared?  I just don’t see it.  I’m trying here, but I don’t.  This is the third time I have asked my daughter to get a shower.  And she sits.  And I wait.  And she sits.

I know what’s going to happen next.  If I say it again, she’ll blow up.  “I KNOW, I KNOW!!”  But then she’ll still sit.  And when it finally gets to the point where I have to help her to the shower or raise my voice, the entire morning will go downhill.  She will be hostile – stomp around the house, slam things, stare at me with those coal-black eyes.  I will be irritated, impatient, and praying for the moment I can drop her off to school for someone else to manage for a while.

My amygdala is running wild.  How dare she defy me three times in a row!  Who does she think she is?  I am clearly an overindulgent parent if my daughter refuses to get up after THREE PROMPTS!  WE HAVE TO GO!!  IT”S TIME TO GO!!

Okay, okay, I need to breathe. What am I learning here with the stress model?  Oh yeah, first to calm down, regulate, get myself back together.  Clearly, I’m upset, and probably not looking at things in the best light.  I walk over to the desk and organize my papers.  Sometimes, just doing something cognitive can help me shift….. a little.  Then, I begin to take a look at my own actions, reflecting on the happenings of the incident.  Where could I have done a better job at connecting with her?  Did the fact that I felt so panicked when I realized what time it was cause her to feel scared?  Did I do that thing I hate the most?  Attempting to cover up the stress and anxiety with pseudo-niceness?  “Come on, honey, let’s get in the shower.”  Underlying meaning:  “OH MY GOSH, IT”S ALREADY 8:00AM.  RRUUNNNNNNN!!!!”   Who’s fault is it that we’re late?  That one last smack to the snooze button was awesome, but was it worth this?

I check in with my body, and can feel the tension creeping up from my shoulders to the back of my head.  My stomach is tight, my jaws are clenched.  I roll my neck, hold my stomach compassionately, and stretch my jaw, all the while taking deep, cleansing breaths. (Mindfulness check-in here – the 3 R’s: Reflect, Relate, Regulate)

I walk back to the bed.  I sit beside her.  I pick up her hand and massage her tiny little fingers.  I can feel her relaxing.  She begins to move a little closer, and I rub her head and forehead.  She throws her arm around me, falling into my lap  We sit there together, breathing, relating, feeling the love.

After a few minutes, I tell her we have about two more minutes to snuggle.  She smiles.  At the end of the two minutes, I kiss her forehead and start to get up.  She pulls me back a little.  Okay, don’t panic, it’s okay.  She hugs me, kisses my cheek, and slowly edges to the side of the bed.  In the shower she goes.  I relax.

As I drop her off at school that morning, she looks back and gives me the signal “I love you.”  I signal back, and drive off.  It feels like it’s going to be a great day.

Always Choose Love.

Mrs B.

Have you read Bryan Post’s FREE e-Book How to End Lying Now: Why Kids Lie and What You Can Do to Stop It? Post offers a radical new understanding of difficult children – adopted, foster, diagnosed, biological, or grandchild. The Post Institute has helped families and professionals move from fear to love in their struggles with challenging behaviors such as defiance, disrespect, self-mutilation, cutting, hoarding or gorging food, stealing lying and more! This free book can get you started – see your child’s behaviors in an entirely different light and learn how to apply this approach. A truly love based family-centered model for many behaviors and diagnoses.

Post Daily Parenting Inspiration and more on Facebook! Make sure you stop by our Facebook page often for Daily Dose of Parenting Oxytocin, Special Discounts, Offers, Videos, News and whatever else we can pass along to our committed parents and professionals. This is a place to learn, play and interact with other committed parents and professionals and WIN prizes!

                  

Parenting Attachment Challenged Children “Hands-On” Home Study Course
Want Serious Help — Seriously? This may be the answer you have been praying for. There really can be peace in the family with your child. Bryan Post‘s Powerful new program is now available and includes the new 5 Hour Course on CD-Rom to accompany the workbook and 6 Hours of Video. This new program provides all the tools and understanding you need in order effectively parent your challenging kids. The home study course for parenting the child with challenging behaviors is life changing and is only meant for the serious parent or professional This course with accompanying workbook and the 5 hours of course material on CD-Rom to follow along will make the concepts easy to work with. You will have step-by-step instructions on how to create a therapeutic healing environment for children with trauma histories. If nothing else works for your child, this may be the training program you have been praying for. This best-selling package will start you on the road to restoring peace in your family and give you a running start! You will never know unless you try this, but you might always wonder.

For more of Bryan Post’s unique truly love based family centered approach for managing children with challenging behaviors, visit his websites:

• www.postinstitute.com – A Radical New Understanding of Difficult Children resource site. Lots of free stuff and training materials.
• www.reactiveattachmentdisorderparenting.com – The Parenting Course for parents & professionals with RAD kids and many other challenging behaviors and diagnoses.
• www.oxytocincentral.com – Resource site for the latest info and research on Oxytocin, the hormone responsible for attachment and bonding.
• www.postinnercircle.com – Where Desperate Parents Come for Solutions and Support. You Are Not Alone. If there were a way to personally interact with Bryan Post on a regular basis, would you be interested? If there were a community of other parents and professionals who wanted peace and harmony in their families as much as you, and you could learn from them, would you be interested in joining them?

The Stress Model by Bryan Post

The Stress Model: Understanding the Dynamics of Love and Fear

The Stress Model is a theoretical model that explains the root cause of problematic behavior. In fact, if you are able to fully grasp the Stress Model, and the wide-ranging implications for its applicability, it will enable you to begin creating a healing dynamic for your family within the next moment!

The Stress Model says, “All behavior arises from a state of stress. In between the state of stress (albeit good stress or bad stress) and the behavior, is the presence of an emotion. It is through the expression, processing, and understanding of the emotion that we can calm the stress (reducing the bodymind’s overwhelming stress reaction) and diminish the behavior.

Critical Points:
We only have two primary emotions: Love and Fear. That which does not look, feel, and can be perceived as loving, stems from a primary root of fear. Fear is the only viable opposite to Love. Yet, as it stands alone, love truly has no opposite. That which is not love is only fear. Examples, anger, jealousy, defiance, attachment disorder, anxiety, and depression, just to name a few. These various feelings and behaviors stem from a primary root of fear. For expansion of this idea concerning the two primary emotions visit: ReactiveAttachmentDisorderParenting.com.

The expression of emotion triggers fear reactions in others. When this occurs we are only able to see a threat. For instance, a child saying “no” to a parent creates an immediate stress reaction for the parent. This reaction will lead to a cascade of fear emotions on behalf of the parent. When this occurs the parent is unable to see clearly the essence of their child’s behavior. Remember, when you feel threatened or afraid, you cannot see another person’s fear because you are in a self-protect mode. For expansion on this idea concerning lying visit: The Great Behavior Breakdown.

According to Dr. Bruce Perry, M.D. we all respond to stress in one of two different ways, by becoming either hyper-aroused or hypo-aroused. These two states are referred to as states of affect dysregulation. Our ultimate drive is to live in a state of regulation (love) this state is referred to as the optimal state of functioning and development. Remember, some degree of stress is pertinent to our healthy growth and development, but too much stress leaves us trapped in a state of fear. If your child is chronically acting out or misbehaving, he or she is attempting to communicate to you that he or she is in a state of fear (not manipulating as many say) and overwhelming stress that cannot be interrupted without parental assistance.

Always Choose Love.

B.

Have you read Bryan Post’s FREE e-Book How to End Lying Now: Why Kids Lie and What You Can Do to Stop It? Post offers a radical new understanding of difficult children – adopted, foster, diagnosed, biological, or grandchild. The Post Institute has helped families and professionals move from fear to love in their struggles with challenging behaviors such as defiance, disrespect, self-mutilation, cutting, hoarding or gorging food, stealing lying and more! This free book can get you started – see your child’s behaviors in an entirely different light and learn how to apply this approach. A truly love based family-centered model for many behaviors and diagnoses.

Post Daily Parenting Inspiration and more on Facebook! Make sure you stop by our Facebook page often for Daily Dose of Parenting Oxytocin, Special Discounts, Offers, Videos, News and whatever else we can pass along to our committed parents and professionals. This is a place to learn, play and interact with other committed parents and professionals and WIN prizes!

                  

Parenting Attachment Challenged Children “Hands-On” Home Study Course
Want Serious Help — Seriously? This may be the answer you have been praying for. There really can be peace in the family with your child. Bryan Post‘s Powerful new program is now available and includes the new 5 Hour Course on CD-Rom to accompany the workbook and 6 Hours of Video. This new program provides all the tools and understanding you need in order effectively parent your challenging kids. The home study course for parenting the child with challenging behaviors is life changing and is only meant for the serious parent or professional This course with accompanying workbook and the 5 hours of course material on CD-Rom to follow along will make the concepts easy to work with. You will have step-by-step instructions on how to create a therapeutic healing environment for children with trauma histories. If nothing else works for your child, this may be the training program you have been praying for. This best-selling package will start you on the road to restoring peace in your family and give you a running start! You will never know unless you try this, but you might always wonder.

For more of Bryan Post’s unique truly love based family centered approach for managing children with challenging behaviors, visit his websites:

• www.postinstitute.com – A Radical New Understanding of Difficult Children resource site. Lots of free stuff and training materials.
• www.reactiveattachmentdisorderparenting.com – The Parenting Course for parents & professionals with RAD kids and many other challenging behaviors and diagnoses.
• www.oxytocincentral.com – Resource site for the latest info and research on Oxytocin, the hormone responsible for attachment and bonding.
• www.postinnercircle.com – Where Desperate Parents Come for Solutions and Support. You Are Not Alone. If there were a way to personally interact with Bryan Post on a regular basis, would you be interested? If there were a community of other parents and professionals who wanted peace and harmony in their families as much as you, and you could learn from them, would you be interested in joining them?

Mindfulness, Connecting and Pain by Kristi Saul-Post

Bryan teaches breathing and the 3 R’s, Reflect, Relate, Regulate, every day.  This is a direct path to mindfulness. By breathing, and searching inside, the path to finding your true self in any given moment unfolds.  Sometimes when I use these two key actions I can feel the effort of becoming aware, but there have been times when the process just happened, and,  I have experienced the magic of being fully present and connected in a way that miracles of growth have occurred.

During the days of the Post Therapeutic homes, I would help care for the children so the house parents could have a break.  One evening our daughter Marley, who was 3 at the time, and I were at the house with one of the girls.  Other Post trained staff were at the home preparing for the return home of the other four girls who were on an outing.  The young lady who was home, had a tragic history of neglect and abuse, some of which related to food, and resulted in her having juvenile diabetes which was a challenge to manage.  When she saw the dinner arriving to the table, she was immediately triggered.  She began to scream and cry, and tear around the house, throwing things, running to the large window in the living room pounding her fists.  I was afraid for her safety and could see that she was terrified.  I went to the living room and attempted to stop her by placing my hands on her.  This further escalated the situation.

She ran into the kitchen and continued to cry and scream and bang her head on the wall.  I was immediately struck by her terror.  I was mindful of every muscle in my body, every cell of my being could feel the terror that she was experiencing, and that we, the very people who were trying to help her feel safe, were the trigger to this terror.  I crumbled to the floor at her feet, and wept.

She looked down at me, and I up at her.  She had a question on her face, asking “why are you crying?”  I replied through tears, “I am so sorry you feel so scared. We don’t want to hurt you. We want to help you feel safe, and we just don’t know what to do.”  Her tears of terror shifted to tears of sadness, and in a few short seconds, she gave us instructions on how we could help her feel better.  The other staff, with whom she was more familiar with and more comfortable with, made her a special plate, and found a quiet place where the two of them shared their meal.

You might be wondering, where was Marley during all of this.  She was sitting at the table watching it all.  As the young lady and I righted ourselves from the floor, one of the other staff asked Marley how she was doing, she simply said, “mommy is feeling sad.”

During dinner I asked the Post staff how they were feeling.  They responded with feeling “amazed”.  They shared the story of the previous month when a similar situation had occurred with this young lady that resulted in her being placed for emergency care in an inpatient center for observation.  They shared how scared they had been and how all their previous training had given them only the tools to feel afraid and to try to control, the result of which was a broken chair, a broken window, and several broken dishes, and a trip to the hospital.  We talked about the difference between traditional thinking about kids versus the Post Stress Model perspective.

Most of the time when I think of mindfulness, an image of myself being in the present, seeing the beauty of a child’s smile, or the beauty of nature, appears in my mind,  but I have found that some of the most profound and life changing experiences of mindfulness have occurred when connecting with the pain of another.  As I write these words I realize that as much as connecting with the pain of another, these moments are marked with connecting to my own pain and feelings of helplessness. And somehow, that feels really good.

Kristi Saul-Post is the wife of Bryan Post and a great mom. She holds a Master’s degree in Community Counseling from Central State University in Edmond, OK and brings to the Post Institute 20 years of experience as a home based family therapist.

If you move into pure awareness in the midst of pain, even for the tiniest moment, your relationship with your pain is going to shift right in that very moment. It is impossible for it not to change because the gesture of holding it in awareness, even if sustained for only a second or two, already reveals its larger dimensionality. And that shift in your relationship with the experience gives you more degrees of freedom in your attitude and in your actions in a given situation, whatever it is… Even if you don’t know what to do. Awareness may not diminish the enormity of our pain in all circumstances. It does provide a bigger basket for tenderly holding and intimately knowing our suffering in any and all circumstances, and that, it turns out, is transformative— and healing.”  — Jon Kabat-Zinn, Arriving At Your Own Door

Always Choose Love,

Mrs B.

Have you read Bryan Post’s FREE e-Book How to End Lying Now: Why Kids Lie and What You Can Do to Stop It?

Post Daily Parenting Inspiration and more on Facebook! Make sure you stop by our Facebook page often for Daily Dose of Parenting Oxytocin, Special Discounts, Offers, Videos, News and whatever else we can pass along to our committed parents and professionals. This is a place to learn, play and interact with other committed parents and professionals and WIN prizes! http://www.facebook.com/postinstitute.

                  

————————————————Advertisement—————————————————
Parenting Attachment Challenged Children “Hands-On” Home Study Course
Can there really be peace in the family with my child? Bryan Post‘s Powerful Parenting Attachment Challenged Children “Hands-on” Home Study Course is now available and includes the new 5 Hour Course on CD-Rom to accompany the workbook and 6 Hours of Video. This new program provides all the tools and understanding you need in order effectively parent your challenging kids. The home study course for parenting the child with challenging behaviors is life changing and is only meant for the serious parent or professional This course with accompanying workbook and the 5 hours of course material on CD-Rom to follow along will make the concepts easy to work with. You will have step-by-step instructions on how to create a therapeutic healing environment for children with trauma histories. If nothing else works for your child, this may be the training program you have been praying for. This best-selling package will start you on the road to restoring peace in your family and give you a running start! You will never know unless you try this, but you might always wonder.
—————————————————————————————————————————
For more of Bryan Post’s unique truly love based family centered approach for managing children with challenging behaviors, visit his websites:

• www.postinstitute.com – A Radical New Understanding of Difficult Children resource site. Lots of free stuff and training materials.
• www.reactiveattachmentdisorderparenting.com – A Parenting “Hands-On” Home Study Course for parents & professionals with RAD kids and many other challenging behaviors and diagnoses.
• www.oxytocincentral.com – Resource site for the latest info and research on Oxytocin, the hormone responsible for attachment and bonding.
• www.postinnercircle.com – Where Desperate Parents Come for Solutions and Support. You Are Not Alone. If there were a way to personally interact with Bryan Post on a regular basis, would you be interested? If there were a community of other parents and professionals who wanted peace and harmony in their families as much as you, and you could learn from them, would you be interested in joining them?

Biggest Barrier to Parental Commitment by Bryan Post

Never give up. Never quit and never admit defeat. — Winston Churchill

She called me on my cell phone and asked “Bryan,  will you come and get me. I don’t want to be here anymore.” I replied, “Is something wrong? Has something happened to make you feel uncertain or afraid?” She replied that nothing had happened, she just didn’t want to be in this particular treatment home any longer.  In fact, she stated that she would rather be taken to the department of social services so that she could sign herself out. She was after all, eighteen years old. This was going to be her third placement in as many weeks. Typically upon becoming triggered in some form or fashion this young lady would immediately desire to call her social worker and be removed from our program and from care. Occasionally, if neither of those requests seemed to illicit the response desired, she would methodically begin destroying the house.

A fifteen year old young man has been with us for nearly six months. During this six months he has broken expensive windows, assaulted staff and residents, ran away from both home and school countless times, verbally abused school staff, stolen, lied, smoked cigarettes, cut holes in furniture, sprayed graffiti on the school and surrounding buildings, compulsively broken another residents eye glasses on several occasions, thrown food, denied everything, and finally this past week after being denied an ear piercing by his mother on the phone, he hung up and feigned hatred stating he never wanted to speak to them again – and so far has not.

Why am I sharing both of these very challenging situations with you? Because they both, at varying times, have left me feeling helpless, frustrated, ignorant, uncaring, uncompassionate, and lacking commitment. Let’s look at one core dynamic. What element do you think creates the biggest barrier to being full out 100% committed to children that behave like this?

Fear. Plain and simple fear. Sometimes I feel terrified that I am not going to be able to help these children. Both of these children have spent countless years in the system. Both children have spent more than half their lives in residential treatment centers or therapeutic foster homes. Both entered the system at about the same time in life, around age six. Both came from neglectful circumstances. During the times that these children have been in my care, the care of Post Treatment Homes, there have been occasions of fear so great that I wanted nothing more than to give up. When fear strikes, we become rigid, inflexible, we lack creativity and passion and want to not be bothered with any additional stressors. However, I say, I scream, “We will not give up. I will not give up. I must do better, and must be more flexible, more passionate, more creative! When fear is present, we must muster the courage to love more.” Love always wins – but it has to be true love, that is unconditional love.

In the process, I slow down. We do not give up. I do not give up. I say to the eighteen year old, “You are mine now. I am your social worker. If you need something you call me. I determine where you go and you are not going back to residential treatment and you are not going to sign yourself out of care. I want you. You deserve a home, you deserve to feel safe,” as I take her firmly by both shoulders, “You might not like it very much and we will have to go through some really tough times, but we are going to make it. We are not giving up.”

I look sternly at the young man, request that he look at me, and I tell him, “I have hope for you. I believe that you are here for something special. I believe in you. I know that you get scared and all crazy in the head, but I know you can make it. I want that to happen for you and I won’t give up on you. Do you understand?” He nods yes and replies with all honesty, “Really?” I affirm with a strong, “Yes. Of course.”

So now here I am left with my fear, mustering courage, to continuing forward, waging this war in loves name, for loves sake for God’s sake. There are not many in this world that want these children any longer. To this date, my girl is still in the same home for a record amount of time and my boy is getting better by the month  – not the day or the minute— but month by month he is reaching for his future.

If we caregivers, parents, teachers and therapists give up, we loose all opportunity for saving our kids. If we give up, we loose the relationship. If there is no relationship, nothing else matters. If we have lost that, we have lost everything. Relationship builds influence. Influence leads to learning.

Dr. Jerry Jampolsky’s book states it clear – Love is letting go of fear. Courage is the ability to choose love in the midst of fear. It is not easy. It is however worth it.

Always Choose Love,

B.

Have you read Bryan Post’s FREE e-Book How to End Lying Now: Why Kids Lie and What You Can Do to Stop It?

Post Daily Parenting Inspiration and more on Facebook! Make sure you stop by our Facebook page often for special discounts, offers, videos, news and whatever else we can pass along to our committed parents and professionals. This is a place to learn, play and interact with other committed parents and professionals and WIN prizes! http://www.facebook.com/postinstitute.

                  

————————————————Advertisement—————————————————
Parenting Attachment Challenged Children “Hands-On” Home Study Course
Can there really be peace in the family with my child? Bryan Post‘s Powerful Parenting Attachment Challenged Children “Hands-on” Home Study Course is now available and includes the new 5 Hour Course on CD-Rom to accompany the workbook and 6 Hours of Video. This new program provides all the tools and understanding you need in order effectively parent your challenging kids. The home study course for parenting the child with challenging behaviors is life changing and is only meant for the serious parent or professional This course with accompanying workbook and the 5 hours of course material on CD-Rom to follow along will make the concepts easy to work with. You will have step-by-step instructions on how to create a therapeutic healing environment for children with trauma histories. If nothing else works for your child, this may be the training program you have been praying for. This best selling package will start you on the road to restoring peace in your family and give you a running start! You will never know unless you try this, but you might always wonder.
—————————————————————————————————————————
For more of Bryan Post’s unique truly love based family centered approach for managing children with challenging behaviors, visit his websites:

• www.postinstitute.com – A Radical New Understanding of Difficult Children resource site. Lots of free stuff and training materials.
• www.reactiveattachmentdisorderparenting.com – A Parenting “Hands-On” Home Study Course for parents & professionals with RAD kids and many other challenging behaviors and diagnoses.
• www.oxytocincentral.com – Resource site for the latest info and research on Oxytocin, the hormone responsible for attachment and bonding.
• www.postinnercircle.com – Where Desperate Parents Come for Solutions and Support. You Are Not Alone. If there were a way to personally interact with Bryan Post on a regular basis, would you be interested? If there were a community of other parents and professionals who wanted peace and harmony in their families as much as you, and you could learn from them, would you be interested in joining them?

On Mindfulness by Bryan Post

The Real Meditation Is How You Live Your Life — Jon Kabat-Zinn

The other day while out in the wilderness attending training for some of our new in-home counselors, it began to rain. For some time I paid little attention to the rain itself and just sort of observed the greater scene, but after a while I began to focus on the rain, not on it raining, and it was a spectacularly peaceful experience.

What’s the difference? When focusing on it raining, one merely pays attention to the picture, and the picture typically becomes the background scenery to the other thoughts flooding the mind at any one time. However, bringing one’s focus onto the rain itself changes everything. To watch a single rain drop falling from a one hundred foot tree, and, looking upwards to watch that same one hundred foot tree swaying rhythmically in the passing wind, is experiencing the now.

Paying attention is the essence of mindfulness. Paying pay attention to one’s thoughts and actions, sometimes bringing that awareness to one’s very breath and movement, is the practice of mindfulness. In this state we are able to listen, interpret, predict, and act in a manner that is most congruent with love. The opposite of course, is being mindless —  hurried, not listening, interrupting, not paying attention. This person is operating from a program of fear. A survival state that propels the individual into action with little thought for anything other than the most immediate need. Generally this state leads to frenetic feelings, a buzzing sensation, challenges in clear thinking, etc.

How does mindfulness apply to parenting? In some ways it is the variable that makes parenting the most challenging, yet rewarding at the same time. Some years ago I lived in Vancouver, Canada for nearly six months. During this time I was the clinical consultant for a children’s residential treatment center. Much like our treatment homes today, the center was composed of several homes that provided clinical care for children. Due to the need of the organization at the time, I also agreed to act as the caregiver in one of the homes. This particular home had five children, all with multiple diagnoses. I can still recall the initial strain of caring for the children; for awhile the demand seemed as though it might be more than I could handle.

But then one day something happened. I gave in to the children. Rather than continue to allow the pressures of my own self-imposed expectations to create energy disruptions in the home and the homes process, I gave in to the energy and pace of the home. Rather than waking up demanding that the home run according to my parental agenda, I woke everyday with the intent of allowing the day to unfold as it was supposed to with my merely supporting the process. In no time at all, I began to watch as the children awoke each morning as they were supposed to, they came and ate breakfast, would get dressed, and be off to school with minimal negative energy disruptions. The morning would become quiet for awhile as I would go off to various meetings which would undoubtedly lead into the afternoon, and then I’d return home in time to walk with at least one of the boys up to meet our one girl in the house as she was getting out of school.

The days were busy. There was not much time for lying around in the grass, but then again there is always some time for lying in the grass; we just have to give up the false belief that there is no time. I recall walking back from the grocery store one early evening with all of the children in tow, and for a moment we stopped and sat on a grassy knoll. One or two sat with me while the others jumped and bounced around here and there, but mostly I remember the experience being one filled with peace. From that knoll I could see very large snow-capped mountains and I thought, “I could stay here and do this forever.” In those days I had discovered something; I had discovered the art of mindfulness. That practice has remained a very strong part of both my own parenting and my therapy to this day. Sometimes I’m not always as good at the practice while in the midst of some chaos regarding business, but in the flow of interacting with my family, or the various other children that I work with I’ve got it down pat.

When we give in to the madness we can come to hear a different sound than the one we thought was playing. What was seemingly without rhythm slowly becomes very melodic, but we first must slow down our own inner demand so that we can find that place where all of the energies converge and interact with one another.

Here’s to being Full of Mind!

Always Choose Love,

B.

Have you read Bryan Post’s FREE e-Book How to End Lying Now: Why Kids Lie and What You Can Do to Stop It?

Post Contest Giveaways on Facebook! Make sure you stop by our Facebook page often as we are giving away books, DVDs, CDs and discounts. This is a place to learn, play and interact with other committed parents and professionals and WIN! http://www.facebook.com/postinstitute

About Bryan Post

————————————————Advertisement—————————————————
Parenting Attachment Challenged Children “Hands-On” Home Study Course
Can there really be peace in the family with my child? This is the best of our parent training materials all rolled up into one exciting, do it at your own speed course for dealing with children with Attachment Issues. You will be amazed at the progress you will make once you start working with this program. Includes the new 5 hour course on DVD-Rom to accompany the workbook and 6 hours of video and much, much more. You will never know unless you try this, but you might always wonder.
To read more, just click here.
—————————————————————————————————————————
For more of Bryan Post’s unique truly love based family centered approach for managing children with challenging behaviors, visit his websites:

• www.postinstitute.com – A Radical New Understanding of Difficult Children resource site. Lots of free stuff and training materials.
• www.reactiveattachmentdisorderparenting.com – A Parenting “Hands-On” Home Study Course for parents & professionals with RAD kids and many other challenging behaviors and diagnoses.
• www.oxytocincentral.com – Resource site for the latest info and research on Oxytocin, the hormone responsible for attachment and bonding.
• www.postinnercircle.com – Where Desperate Parents Come for Solutions and Support. You Are Not Alone. If there were a way to personally interact with Bryan Post on a regular basis, would you be interested? If there were a community of other parents and professionals who wanted peace and harmony in their families as much as you, and you could learn from them, would you be interested in joining them?

Do Children Manipulate Parents? by Bryan Post

Children Do Not Manipulate Us

Simple Parenting Wisdom By Bryan Post

•  All negative behavior occurs from an unconscious state. (no conscious manipulation-see Stress Model for greater clarity)
• We first respond from our unconscious at the body level, BEFORE it is processed in our mind.
•  This fear reaction then influences our ability to be responsive….Fear sees problems and Love sees solutions.
• Children who are misbehaving are communicating their stress and seeking external regulation. Fear and survival are most important – manipulation is a concept used by those of us who don’t understand this and don’t want to take the time to find out what is really going on or needed by the child.
• When parents are stressed, they are constricted and unable to open up to their child’s emotional state.
• Breathe, pause, love will enter, peace will follow.

Have you read Bryan Post’s FREE e-Book How to End Lying Now: Why Kids Lie and What You Can Do to Stop It?

Daily Parenting tips, discounts, techniques, inspiration and contest giveaways on Facebook! Make sure you stop by our Facebook page often for contests, discounts, daily parenting tips, wisdom and inspiration. We will also be posting free audio recordings from our archives. Fill out our surveys and polls and let us know what you think and what you need. This is a place to learn, play and interact with other committed parents and professionals and WIN prizes! http://www.facebook.com/postinstitute

About Bryan Post

————————————————Advertisement—————————————————
Parenting Attachment Challenged Children “Hands-On” Home Study Course
Can there really be peace in the family with my child? This is the best of our parent training materials all rolled up into one exciting, do it at your own speed course for dealing with children with Attachment Issues. You will be amazed at the progress you will make once you start working with this program. Includes the new 5 hour course on DVD-Rom to accompany the workbook and 6 hours of video and much, much more.  You will never know unless you try this, but you might always wonder. To read more, just click here.

———————————————————————

For more of Bryan Post’s unique truly love based family centered approach for managing children with challenging behaviors, visit his websites:

• www.postinstitute.com – A Radical New Understanding of Difficult Children resource site. Lots of free stuff and training materials.
• www.reactiveattachmentdisorderparenting.com – A Parenting “Hands-On” Home Study Course for parents & professionals with RAD kids and many other challenging behaviors and diagnoses.
• www.oxytocincentral.com – Resource site for the latest info and research on Oxytocin, the hormone responsible for attachment and bonding.
• www.postinnercircle.com – Where Desperate Parents Come for Solutions and Support. You Are Not Alone. If there were a way to personally interact with Bryan Post on a regular basis, would you be interested? If there were a community of other parents and professionals who wanted peace and harmony in their families as much as you, and you could learn from them, would you be interested in joining them