Peace or Stress? Mindfulness Tips for the Holidays #6 – Don’t Stop, Just..Slow…Down

Speed Bump Ahead – Slow Down: For many of us, this is a great place to start.  My way of taking two steps at a time going up and down all day long becomes “one-step-at-a-time”.  I simply notice my feet when they hit the ground, trying to eliminate the elephant like sound of my feet on the floor and try to sound more like ninja when I walk.  Immediately my gait slows, I become more aware of where I am going and what I am doing. This means less of ….”I know I came in this room for a purpose, but what was it?” Another aid to lessening the clumsy, the things slipping from hand, the whoops kinda things that sometimes happen. Not only is this its own benefit, but helps with the rewiring of our brain as we referenced in Tip #5. We have included links to the articles below in case you missed the last post.

Slow Down – As our lives get busier, we tend to live them faster and faster. This practice tells you to consciously reduce the speed of things. Notice the rate at which you move, work and exist – then, deliberately slow down whatever you’re doing, even for just a minute. When you reduce the speed you allow yourself to arrive in the moment.  — Frederick Burggraf, The Mindfulness Wheel

The steps that Mr. Burggraf offers in his approach can be used with a different focus each day for living in the present moment. Practicing mindfulness through attending to tasks, we not only begin to pay attention to our actions,  but it also eliminate the clumsy, whoops dropped it, oh darn it type of events as we become more of what we are doing in the moment. How many times have we dropped, kicked, bumped, bit our tongue etc in those moments of non-attention?  Wouldn’t it be interesting if there were none of those moments …

Frederick Burggraf created a wonderful little tool called The Mindfulness Wheel (www.dayonepublishing.com). We will be sharing some of his quick and easy lessons along with other mindfulness  tips over the Holiday Season to help us all stay regulated, calmer, patient and more loving with our special children. Use them; let us know how they work and what you learn from them.

A recent article in the Huffington Post states, “One of the major reasons that corporate America is grabbing onto mindfulness is because the science is there that backs it up. We have evidence that intentionally paying attention with mindfulness is connected to areas of the brain responsible for attention, memory, learning, awareness, empathy and compassion. We’ve seen reduction in activities in areas of the brain associated with stress and fear.”   Wow! This is BIG news and dovetails perfectly with the teachings of the Stress Model developed by Bryan Post. So by practicing mindfulness, we become less fearful, more loving (means more Oxytocin) and can parent our very challenging attachment challenged children more effectively – what a great Christmas gift that is!

Choose to Slow Down.

— David Durovy
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Last Chance! It’s not too late to still get and read the short FREE download e-Book 
Holiday Peace: Turn Holiday Stress into Peaceful Family Time  by Bryan Post.  Help the Holidays Be Happy Times rather than Stressful Times with Bryan’s 4 Point Plan!“Classic” Bryan Post delivers tips, hints, wisdom and what not to do to help your family have a better holiday with his 4 Point Plan. Don’t let the holidays “just happen”. The Holidays should not come as a surprise. Plan ahead on how best to help your challenging child – and yourself, stayed regulated. Don’t let your anger and frustration or your children’s behaviors ruin your holidays. Use the Stress Model to bring Joy to the World, Peace on Earth and Goodwill toward All!

Make sure you stop by our Facebook page often as we are giving away books, DVDs, CDs and more each week for a full year. This is a chance to learn, play and interact with other committed parents and professionals and WIN! http://www.facebook.com/postinstitute
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For more of Bryan Post’s unique truly love based family centered approach for managing children with challenging behaviors, visit his websites:

• www.postinstitute.com – A Radical New Understanding of Difficult Children resource site. Lots of free stuff and training materials.
• www.reactiveattachmentdisorderparenting.com – A Parenting “Hands-On” Home Study Course for parents & professionals with RAD kids and many other challenging behaviors and diagnoses.
• www.oxytocincentral.com – Resource site for the latest info and research on Oxytocin, the hormone responsible for attachment and bonding.
• www.postinnercircle.com – Where Desperate Parents Come for Solutions and Support. You Are Not Alone. If there were a way to personally interact with Bryan Post on a regular basis, would you be interested? If there were a community of other parents and professionals who wanted peace and harmony in their families as much as you, and you could learn from them, would you be interested in joining them?Also free parenting videos by Bryan Post on YouTube, and up to date information, discounts, weekly contests Like our Facebook page.

On Giving by Bryan Post

The holiday season is full steam upon us and unfortunately what is to be the most joyous and celebratory season of the year is oftentimes the most stressful, painful and chaotic.  I had the divine pleasure of interviewing Myla Kabat-Zinn, co-author of Everyday Blessings: The Inner Work of Mindful Parenting back some time ago.  Every sentence she spoke, each phrase and response was full of loving mindfulness and intention. Myla gave openly what she has to all of us listening on the call in such a way that I believe it left us all wanting more. At least I know it did me. A simple gift of her time and effort, given with love, passion, and mindfulness, blessed me that evening. It cost nothing and was worth everything. This holiday (Holy-Day) season want to give you something. I want to give you permission that perhaps you have never been granted. These permissions are for your taking or leaving, give them thought and decide what you would like to do:

1. I give you permission to remember that it is not what is under the tree, but who is around the tree. And if no tree, then just plain who is more important than what.
2. I give you permission to love yourself. To take time for a walk, sit quietly, read a book, or call up an old friend to chat. Taking care of yourself first and foremost will give you the necessary emotional energy and space for caring for others.
3. I give you permission to love your child. To not be overwhelmed, scared and worried about their behaviors for fear of how they will turn out 3, 4, 5, or 10 years from now. Love them today, in this moment. Let tomorrow worry for itself. Our friend Kathy Whitham says it nicely – “Talk less, breathe more”.
4. I give you permission to move quickly but mindfully and always able to stop and breathe in the cool fresh air when the moment strikes you.
5. I give you permission not to buy anyone a single gift, but to rather gift them with your full, undivided, presence for one full hour, or day, whatever you can manage.
6. I give you permission not to feel guilty for not buying gifts for others. Your presence is the most value gift you truly have to offer because it is your time. Time is nothing we can replenish. Each passing moment is a moment lost. If you have a hard time remembering this…
7. Then I give you permission to give your time, thank God you have many moments left, to someone in a hospital or nursing home, who does not.
8. I give you permission to be light and happy, unburdened by the stress of bills and work. Whether you are able to pay, able to work or not, tomorrow is still gonna come and no amount of stress today is gonna make you any more or less capable of paying that bill or getting that work done.
9. I give you permission to set your fear aside, if even for only moments at a time, and let love guide you, fill you, and overwhelm you. Say, “I love you,” from the absolute depths of your heart.
10. I give you permission to right a wrong, even if you were not the one who caused the wrong. We all have the ability to be reactive or responsive. There is so much more light within the individual who seeks to take ultimate responsibility. Love wins.

From our POST family to yours, we wish you a peace and joy filled holiday season when giving your heart is the highest form of giving and loving.

Choose Love,

B.

Last Chance! It’s not too late to still get and read the short FREE download e-Book 
Holiday Peace: Turn Holiday Stress into Peaceful Family Time  by Bryan Post.  Help the Holidays Be Happy Times rather than Stressful Times with Bryan’s 4 Point Plan!

“Classic” Bryan Post delivers tips, hints, wisdom and what not to do to help your family have a better holiday with his 4 Point Plan. Don’t let the holidays “just happen”. The Holidays should not come as a surprise. Plan ahead on how best to help your challenging child – and yourself, stayed regulated. Don’t let your anger and frustration or your children’s behaviors ruin your holidays. Use the Stress Model to bring Joy to the World, Peace on Earth and Goodwill toward All!

Make sure you stop by our Facebook page often as we are giving away books, DVDs, CDs and more each week for a full year. This is a chance to learn, play and interact with other committed parents and professionals and WIN! http://www.facebook.com/postinstitute

About Bryan Post

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Parenting Attachment Challenged Children “Hands-On” Home Study Course
Want The Best for Your Family and Your Hurting Child? This Course offers the most value for the least price. Yet you will be amazed at the progress you will make once you start working with it. Includes the new 5 hour course on CD-Rom to accompany the workbook and 6 hours of video and much, much more. You will never know unless you try this, but you might always wonder.
To read more, just click here.
—————————————————————————————————————————
For more of Bryan Post’s unique truly love based family centered approach for managing children with challenging behaviors, visit his websites:

• www.postinstitute.com – A Radical New Understanding of Difficult Children resource site. Lots of free stuff and training materials.
• www.reactiveattachmentdisorderparenting.com – A Parenting “Hands-On” Home Study Course for parents & professionals with RAD kids and many other challenging behaviors and diagnoses.
• www.oxytocincentral.com – Resource site for the latest info and research on Oxytocin, the hormone responsible for attachment and bonding.
• www.postinnercircle.com – Where Desperate Parents Come for Solutions and Support. You Are Not Alone. If there were a way to personally interact with Bryan Post on a regular basis, would you be interested? If there were a community of other parents and professionals who wanted peace and harmony in their families as much as you, and you could learn from them, would you be interested in joining them?

On The Economy of Our Lives by Bryan Post

On the Economy of Our Lives

Dictionary.com offers several meanings of the word economy, two of which are: the disposition or regulation of the parts or functions of any organic whole; an organized system or method; and the efficient, sparing, or concise use of something: an economy of effort; an economy of movement.

The key to a more regulated and efficient society equally lies within the home, as the home also is reflected in society. When Gandhi said, “Be the change you want to see in the world”, he spoke a simple truth, one that empowers us to seek to be an efficient and sparing part of a greater whole no matter how inefficient and unsparing that whole might appear to be. We matter. You matter. From within your home you can make a difference in the world. The energy and peace you can create gets pushed forward into the greater universe affecting everyone else. When you are in conflict, your ability to be efficient, sparing and working towards regulation impacts the greater universal system.

If you have ever found yourself in a “I don’t care and I don’t care that I don’t care” (personal economy bankruptcy) state of mind, you know how difficult it is to love someone — especially a challenging child. Karyn Purvis of TCU found that in blood testing exhausted, angry and desperate foster parents, there was a great lack of hormonal chemistry available for self-regulation. And no amount of ” a good talking to” was going to help these parents, unless it was to say “take a week off of parenting, gets lots of rest and nutrition and be of good cheer”. For each time we struggle, we are challenged with an opportunity to grow, to learn, renew and move forward. If you find yourself thinking or saying “I don’t care” and believe it, you have missed a valuable opportunity for growth. If you think or say “I don’t care therefore I must need rest, relaxation, breathing and nutrition”, then you got the message loud and clear. Lesson learned.

Everyone is aware of the stress our economy is under at this time, more debt than income. The whole system is in a state of dysregulation. The parts are working against one another trying to survive. Cellular biologist Bruce Lipton states that in times of stress our cellular system constricts into survival. Yet the bodymind system only knows two states: thriving or surviving. In the past number of years our economic system has worked neither sparingly or efficient and now it has caught up with us.

This is the economy of our lives. The world we live in. We are challenged to be more efficient, more sparing, more concise in our contributions to the organic whole. Save your words during an argument, conserve your energy, move within and listen rather than expend. Save, accrue, and then spend wisely your words and actions of love. Utilize your energy efficiently and sparingly for a time will come that requires it and you will be ready to meet that challenge.

Always Choose Love,

B.

Have you read Bryan Post’s FREE e-Book How to End Lying Now: Why Kids Lie and What You Can Do to Stop It?

Post Contest Giveaways on Facebook! Make sure you stop by our Facebook page often as we are giving away books, DVDs, CDs and discounts. This is a place to learn, play and interact with other committed parents and professionals and WIN! http://www.facebook.com/postinstitute

About Bryan Post

————————————————Advertisement—————————————————
Holiday Peace: Turn Holiday Stress into Peaceful Family Time CD by Bryan Post – Help the Holidays Be Happy Times rather than Stressful Times with Bryan’s 4 Point Plan!

“Classic” Bryan Post delivers tips, hints, wisdom and what not to do to help your family have a better holiday with his 4 Point Plan. Don’t let the holidays “just happen”. The Holidays should not come as a surprise. Plan ahead on how best to help your challenging child – and yourself, stayed regulated. Don’t let your anger and frustration or your children’s behaviors ruin your holidays. Use the Stress Model to bring Joy to the World, Peace on Earth and Goodwill toward All!

Get a FREE download of the e-Book (pdf) as a bonus with this CD! — only $10.95 or just get the e-Book for FREE!
————————————————————————————————
For more of Bryan Post’s unique truly love based family centered approach for managing children with challenging behaviors, visit his websites:

• www.postinstitute.com – A Radical New Understanding of Difficult Children resource site. Lots of free stuff and training materials.
• www.reactiveattachmentdisorderparenting.com – A Parenting “Hands-On” Home Study Course for parents & professionals with RAD kids and many other challenging behaviors and diagnoses.
• www.oxytocincentral.com – Resource site for the latest info and research on Oxytocin, the hormone responsible for attachment and bonding.
• www.postinnercircle.com – Where Desperate Parents Come for Solutions and Support. You Are Not Alone. If there were a way to personally interact with Bryan Post on a regular basis, would you be interested? If there were a community of other parents and professionals who wanted peace and harmony in their families as much as you, and you could learn from them, would you be interested in joining them?

Parenting the Attachment Challenged Child part 6 of 6: How to Overcome Lying by Bryan Post

Click Here for Part 5

Parenting the Attachment Challenged Child part 6 of 6: How to Overcome Lying

Conducting a coaching call with a desperate parent one afternoon regarding her five-year old son’s chronic lying behavior, I attempted to explain to the mother The Three Step Lying Solution. Upon hearing that she must, “Ignore the Lie, But Don’t Ignore the Child”, she loudly exclaimed over the telephone, “Oh no I could never do that!” I responded by asking, “Who lied to you?” Without hesitation she replied, “My father used to lie to me all of the time when I was a little girl!”

When a child tells a lie the parent experiences fear. We fear that if our children lie to us they will grow up to tell lies. We may be reacting to past adult experiences such as a dishonest spouse or parent. And a very common feeling is that if our children lie to us then we are not being good parents.

When a child tells a lie the parent must first breathe. Breathing will help interrupt the initial stress reaction. Second, remember that all of the fears noted above could occur however, they are all projections about the future. Stress and fear do three things: Cause us to react from the past; obsess about the future, but takes us out of the present. Worrying about your child telling lies ten years from now will not help him stop telling lies today. In fact, it can make it even worse.

Using The Three Step Lying Solution will help you address the fear and stress your child is experiencing in the moment. Yelling at him will only increase this fear which will then only lead to more lying. You must respond calmly assuring your child that whatever thing it is that he feels the need to lie about is not nearly as important as his relationship with you. Help your child to understand that the only time he is dishonest is when he is stressed and scared. Not in a blaming way, but in an understanding way. This will help him to feel safer when faced with the threat of being honest.

Remember, in your child’s experience regarding lying, the worst thing that ever happened to him is threatening to happen again. Don’t increase his stress and fear by yelling or getting angry, instead practice The Three Step Lying Solution until you have gotten really good at it. By that time your child will be lying much less

Choose Love,

B.

Have you read Bryan Post’s FREE e-Book How to End Lying Now: Why Kids Lie and What You Can Do to Stop It?

Post Weekly Contest Giveaways on Facebook! Make sure you stop by our Facebook page often as we are giving away books, DVDs, CDs and more each week for a full year. This is a chance to learn, play and interact with other committed parents and professionals and WIN! http://www.facebook.com/postinstitute

About Bryan Post

————————————————Advertisement—————————————————
Holiday Peace: Turn Holiday Stress into Peaceful Family Time CD by Bryan Post – Help the Holidays Be Happy Times rather than Stressful Times with Bryan’s 4 Point Plan!

“Classic” Bryan Post delivers tips, hints, wisdom and what not to do to help your family have a better holiday with his 4 Point Plan. Don’t let the holidays “just happen”. The Holidays should not come as a surprise. Plan ahead on how best to help your challenging child – and yourself, stayed regulated. Don’t let your anger and frustration or your children’s behaviors ruin your holidays. Use the Stress Model to bring Joy to the World, Peace on Earth and Goodwill toward All!

Get a FREE download of the e-Book (pdf) as a bonus with this CD! — only $9.95 or just get the e-Book for FREE!
————————————————————————————————
For more of Bryan Post’s unique truly love based family centered approach for managing children with challenging behaviors, visit his websites:

• www.postinstitute.com – A Radical New Understanding of Difficult Children resource site. Lots of free stuff and training materials.
• www.reactiveattachmentdisorderparenting.com – A Parenting “Hands-On” Home Study Course for parents & professionals with RAD kids and many other challenging behaviors and diagnoses.
• www.oxytocincentral.com – Resource site for the latest info and research on Oxytocin, the hormone responsible for attachment and bonding.
• www.postinnercircle.com – Where Desperate Parents Come for Solutions and Support. You Are Not Alone. If there were a way to personally interact with Bryan Post on a regular basis, would you be interested? If there were a community of other parents and professionals who wanted peace and harmony in their families as much as you, and you could learn from them, would you be interested in joining them?

Parenting the Attachment Challenged Child part 5 of 6: How to Overcome Lying by Bryan Post

Click Here for Part 4

Parenting the Attachment Challenged Child part 5: How to Overcome Lying

Telling the truth is very difficult. If telling the truth was an easy thing there would be few incidences of lying. When an individual, unconsciously, is fearful of being rejected, abandoned, ridiculed, or shamed, the prospect of honesty becomes daunting.

To continue our story from the previous article, following two weeks I had not heard back from the parents. Finally after six weeks I received a phone call, it was from the mother. She exclaimed, “Hello Dr. Post its Sharon from California. I know it has been longer than two weeks, but you won’t believe it, my son has made a complete turnaround! In fact, he has even gotten a job at the local swimming pool. Hallelujah.”

The recommendations were not magical. What is magical is when parents are able to see things differently. Two of the recommendations alone: Spending 20 minutes uninterrupted with their son each evening and telling him he’s never going anywhere, could have made a significant difference by themselves. In the United States the average amount of quality parent-child time is 13 minutes! They almost doubled that. In addition, John Bowlby, the father of attachment theory, stated that the threat of loss is equal to loss itself. In other words, you should never threaten to send a child away because of their behavior. If so you are going to create more fear which will only trigger the rejection they’ve already experienced. This will lead to depression, anger, and the need to lie better.

Thousands of parents have utilized The Three Step Lying Solution effectively. More than a handful of parents have reported using it just one time and their children have not told a lie since. Though it is simple, simple does not mean easy. In the next article we will discuss both why it is difficult to put into place and why it can be effective once you finally use it.

Choose Love,

B.

Have you read Bryan Post’s FREE e-Book How to End Lying Now: Why Kids Lie and What You Can Do to Stop It?

Post Weekly Contest Giveaways on Facebook! Make sure you stop by our Facebook page often as we are giving away books, DVDs, CDs and more each week for a full year. This is a chance to learn, play and interact with other committed parents and professionals and WIN! http://www.facebook.com/postinstitute

About Bryan Post

————————————————Advertisement—————————————————
Holiday Peace: Turn Holiday Stress into Peaceful Family Time CD by Bryan Post – Help the Holidays Be Happy Times rather than Stressful Times with Bryan’s 4 Point Plan!

“Classic” Bryan Post delivers tips, hints, wisdom and what not to do to help your family have a better holiday with his 4 Point Plan. Don’t let the holidays “just happen”. The Holidays should not come as a surprise. Plan ahead on how best to help your challenging child – and yourself, stayed regulated. Don’t let your anger and frustration or your children’s behaviors ruin your holidays. Use the Stress Model to bring Joy to the World, Peace on Earth and Goodwill toward All!

Get a FREE download of the e-Book (pdf) as a bonus with this CD! — only $9.95
————————————————————————————————
For more of Bryan Post’s unique truly love based family centered approach for managing children with challenging behaviors, visit his websites:

• www.postinstitute.com – A Radical New Understanding of Difficult Children resource site. Lots of free stuff and training materials.
• www.reactiveattachmentdisorderparenting.com – A Parenting “Hands-On” Home Study Course for parents & professionals with RAD kids and many other challenging behaviors and diagnoses.
• www.oxytocincentral.com – Resource site for the latest info and research on Oxytocin, the hormone responsible for attachment and bonding.
• www.postinnercircle.com – Where Desperate Parents Come for Solutions and Support. You Are Not Alone. If there were a way to personally interact with Bryan Post on a regular basis, would you be interested? If there were a community of other parents and professionals who wanted peace and harmony in their families as much as you, and you could learn from them, would you be interested in joining them?

Parenting the Attachment Challenged Child part 4 of 6: How to Overcome Lying by Bryan Post

Click Here for Part 3

I once received a phone call from a distraught parent, “My fourteen-year old son lies non-stop about everything. It’s so bad that if he keeps this up we’ve threatened to send him to boot camp!” I thought, “That must be some serious lying!”

The teen had been adopted at the age of two, some early trauma was present. The father was a retired Vietnam veteran, which is typically an indicator at the very least, of exposure to a traumatic environment. Nothing significant stood out concerning the mother’s history.

As well as lying the child had been skipping class and wrestling practice, I gave the parent’s three suggestions to follow for the next two weeks:

1. Make sure that your son is attending all of his classes daily. Call the teachers, e-mail them, do whatever you must to ensure he is attending. If he is not, then we must focus on this issue first. Let him quit wrestling if wants to. Continuing to wrestle and being stressed out is not worth the positives that might be gained at this time. (This topic alone is fodder for an entire article!)
2. Spend 20 minutes of uninterrupted time with your son every evening, allowing him to talk about anything he would like. Turn off the television and put down the newspaper, just listen to what he’s talking about.
3. The main part of the Lying Solution: When he lies, take several deep breaths. Look at him with sorrow in your eyes because you now see the fear driving the lie. Ignore the Lie, but don’t ignore him and say, “Son I love you. You are not ever going anywhere, and everything is going to be alright. Do you understand?” Once he nods in agreement, turn and walk away. Never mention the lie. Wait one hour. Once you are calm, go back to him. Interrupt whatever he is doing. Take him by the hand, look him in the eyes and say, “Son, you know I love you right? I love you very much. When you tell me a lie it really scares me. It hurts me as well, because it tells me that you don’t trust me. Then I worry that I can’t keep you safe. I need you to know that you can trust me and everything is going to be okay. Do you understand?” Once the child nods his head in disbelief, you have officially completed the Three Step Lying Solution.

In the next article we will discuss the outcome of the 14 year-old and why The Three Step Lying Solution works so effectively. To be continued.

Choose Love,

 B.

Have you read Bryan Post’s FREE e-Book How to End Lying Now: Why Kids Lie and What You Can Do to Stop It?

Post Weekly Contest Giveaways on Facebook! Make sure you stop by our Facebook page often as we are giving away books, DVDs, CDs and more each week for a full year. This is a chance to learn, play and interact with other committed parents and professionals and WIN! http://www.facebook.com/postinstitute

About Bryan Post

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Teenage Nightmare? You can begin to see your teens in a completely different way and be the very best parent that you can be – and stay sane – while giving them what they need most!
Parenting Difficult Tween & Teens CD set by Bryan Post and Helene Timpone

•      Develop insights on how the teen brain processes information.
•      Learn about a chemical in the brain that will change how you see your adolescent
•      Overcome the pressures imposed by their peers
•      End the power struggles while knowing you are teaching them everything they need to live healthy productive lives

Within this program is what every parent or professional needs to know about raising and working with preteen and teen children.  To read more, just click here.

You’ll never believe how it simple it can be until you understand what really drives your kids.
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For more of Bryan Post’s unique truly love based family centered approach for managing children with challenging behaviors, visit his websites:

• www.postinstitute.com – A Radical New Understanding of Difficult Children resource site. Lots of free stuff and training materials.
• www.reactiveattachmentdisorderparenting.com – A Parenting “Hands-On” Home Study Course for parents & professionals with RAD kids and many other challenging behaviors and diagnoses.
• www.oxytocincentral.com – Resource site for the latest info and research on Oxytocin, the hormone responsible for attachment and bonding.
• www.postinnercircle.com – Where Desperate Parents Come for Solutions and Support. You Are Not Alone. If there were a way to personally interact with Bryan Post on a regular basis, would you be interested? If there were a community of other parents and professionals who wanted peace and harmony in their families as much as you, and you could learn from them, would you be interested in joining them?

Paradigm Shift by Bryan Post

A Paradigm Shift
“A paradigm shift is the way in which you see the world. The lens through which you view all people and things. It is greatly reinforced by the dominant society. In order to change your paradigm you must be willing to challenge your old beliefs. You must ask questions rather than taking for face value what has been said because many others have said it. You must question in order to challenge your belief system, in order to lead to a change in your thinking, and then in your behavior. When this occurs then you will be changing your paradigm.

Why is this so important? Because the way in which we parent stems from our paradigm. It is dominated by traditional thought at every level, engrained into our unconscious, our psyche, essentially defining who we are and how we relate. Go to a grocery store and ask your child to yell at you. Some of you may not have to ask! And then rather than smacking his face, shaming him, or yelling back, stop and breathe. Calm your inner self and observe those around you, feel their energy. You will be shocked by the negativity that is generated from the traditional paradigm. The people around you don’t know you yet they will judge you harshly. This intensity of negativity permeates our society and our relationships. There is no love here. As Gandhi said, “we must become the change we want to see”.

Choose Love,

B.

P.S.  Our Weekly Contest Giveaways are going on at our Facebook page for 52 weeks! We are in week 4 and our prizes are educational, training and even some entertainment love-based items from our web-store such as books DVDs, CDs and some exciting mystery prizes to come. Visit us often and interact with other committed parents and professionals.

About Bryan Post

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Want The Best for Your Family and Your Hurting Child? “My wife and I have adopted 4 kids out of the Foster Care system. We had 27 foster children. I can only say that I wish we would have known then what we know now. Bryan Post offers the only help for kids like these that offers hope, help and step-by-step guidance. Without Bryan Post we would never have come through.”  — David & Susan, VA.
This Course offers the most value for the least price. Yet you will be amazed at the progress you will make once you start working with it.

Parenting Attachment Challenged Children “Hands-On” Home Study Course by Bryan Post
is now available and includes the new 5 Hour Course on CD-Rom to accompany the workbook and 6 Hours of Video. This new program provides all the tools and understanding you need in order effectively parent your challenging kids. The home study course for parenting the child with challenging behaviors is life changing and is only meant for the serious parent or professional! This course with accompanying workbook and the 5 hours of course material on CD-Rom to follow along will make the concepts easy to work with. You will have step-by-step instructions on how to create a therapeutic healing environment for children with trauma histories. If nothing else works for your child, this may be the training program you have been praying for. You will never know unless you try it. This best-selling package will start you on the road to restoring peace in your family and give you a running start!

For the first time ever, the Post Institute has put together its most effective video, audio and interactive training program with ground breaking information by Bryan Post. The home study course comes with a newly released CD Rom five-hour workbook format that you can take at your own pace in the comfort of your own home. Includes our new five-hour training course, six hours of video training, downloadable audio recordings of the video presentation for playing on your iPod or MP3 player, a beautifully illustrated color workbook, a copy of the popular The Great Behavior Breakdown (an excellent manual for parenting any children—biological, adopted or foster care), an audio CD with Bryan Post offering his guidance on how best to make the necessary changes in your parenting approach to help your child move past the disturbing and frustrating behaviors, and a copy of Going Home Trouble Shooting Guide with summary points that can be easily read any time that you find yourself struggling.

By learning to calm the stress and diminishing the behavior, you will find peace, love and harmony where before there was only fighting and anger. You will never know unless you try this, but you might always wonder.
To read more, just click here.
————————————————————————————————
For more of Bryan Post’s unique truly love based family centered approach for managing children with challenging behaviors, visit his websites:

• www.postinstitute.com – A Radical New Understanding of Difficult Children resource site. Lots of free stuff and training materials.
• www.reactiveattachmentdisorderparenting.com – A Parenting “Hands-On” Home Study Course for parents & professionals with RAD kids and many other challenging behaviors and diagnoses.
• www.oxytocincentral.com – Resource site for the latest info and research on Oxytocin, the hormone responsible for attachment and bonding.
• www.postinnercircle.com – Where desperate parents come for solutions and support. You Are Not Alone. If there were a way to personally interact with Bryan Post on a regular basis, would you be interested? If there were a community of other parents and professionals who wanted peace and harmony in their families as much as you, and you could learn from them, would you be interested in joining them?

Parenting the Attachment Challenged Child part 3 of 6: How to Overcome Lying by Bryan Post

Click Here for Part 2

All day Mary had been looking for her bracelet, she knew for sure that she had placed it on the kitchen counter. “Maybe Peter took it? Surely not, what would he do with my bracelet?” Mary thought to herself. Wanting to believe that Peter would not have taken something from her again after just giving him several consequences the day before for taking things that didn’t belong to him, she reluctantly went into his room. There sat the bracelet in open daylight. When Peter came down for breakfast Mary politely asked, “Peter have you seen that little silver bracelet of mine?” Peter looked at his mother straight in the eye and said, “Nope haven’t seen the thing anywhere!”

Have you had this experience before? Sometimes your child seems to lie about things that are completely obvious? Other times it seems as though he’s just making up a story for no logical reason? Our typical reaction, “I can’t take this anymore. I can not take this constant lying any longer. You will be spending the next three days with no television. You must learn to start telling the truth. If you don’t start telling the truth no one is ever going to trust you.”

To help children overcome lying we must understand why they do it. The only time we tell a lie is when we are stressed and afraid. For a child with a trauma history, he will lie from a place of survival. During moments of asking a child to tell truth he fears that the worst thing that has ever happened to him is going to happen all over again. In that very moment, the child is further away from telling you the truth than you may realize. Literally, the child is afraid for the safety of his life.

A graphic example, imagine a sledge-hammer hanging over your head. You have been told if you tell the truth, the sledge-hammer is going to crash into your skull perhaps ending your life. In that moment someone asks you to tell the truth about the most ridiculous thing. You cannot do it. The fear is much too great and the only sure safety is to lie. In the life of the traumatized, attachment challenged child, his past trauma becomes his sledge-hammer, and insisting that he tell you the truth is only making it worse. To be continued.

Choose Love,
B.

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What works and what doesn’t work for your challenging child and lying?

About Bryan Post

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Want The Best for Your Family and Your Hurting Child? “My wife and I have adopted 4 kids out of the Foster Care system. We had 27 foster children. I can only say that I wish we would have known then what we know now. Bryan Post offers the only help for kids like these that offers hope, help and step-by-step guidance. Without Bryan Post we would never have come through.”  — David & Susan, VA.
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Parenting Attachment Challenged Children “Hands-On” Home Study Course by Bryan Post
is now available and includes the new 5 Hour Course on CD-Rom to accompany the workbook and 6 Hours of Video. This new program provides all the tools and understanding you need in order effectively parent your challenging kids. The home study course for parenting the child with challenging behaviors is life changing and is only meant for the serious parent or professional! This course with accompanying workbook and the 5 hours of course material on CD-Rom to follow along will make the concepts easy to work with. You will have step-by-step instructions on how to create a therapeutic healing environment for children with trauma histories. If nothing else works for your child, this may be the training program you have been praying for. You will never know unless you try it. This best-selling package will start you on the road to restoring peace in your family and give you a running start!

For the first time ever, the Post Institute has put together its most effective video, audio and interactive training program with ground breaking information by Bryan Post. The home study course comes with a newly released CD Rom five-hour workbook format that you can take at your own pace in the comfort of your own home. Includes our new five-hour training course, six hours of video training, downloadable audio recordings of the video presentation for playing on your iPod or MP3 player, a beautifully illustrated color workbook, a copy of the popular The Great Behavior Breakdown (an excellent manual for parenting any children—biological, adopted or foster care), an audio CD with Bryan Post offering his guidance on how best to make the necessary changes in your parenting approach to help your child move past the disturbing and frustrating behaviors, and a copy of Going Home Trouble Shooting Guide with summary points that can be easily read any time that you find yourself struggling.

By learning to calm the stress and diminishing the behavior, you will find peace, love and harmony where before there was only fighting and anger. You will never know unless you try this, but you might always wonder.
To read more, just click here.
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For more of Bryan Post’s unique truly love based family centered approach for managing children with challenging behaviors, visit his websites:

• www.postinstitute.com – A Radical New Understanding of Difficult Children resource site. Lots of free stuff and training materials.
• www.reactiveattachmentdisorderparenting.com – A Parenting “Hands-On” Home Study Course for parents & professionals with RAD kids and many other challenging behaviors and diagnoses.
• www.oxytocincentral.com – Resource site for the latest info and research on Oxytocin, the hormone responsible for attachment and bonding.
• www.postinnercircle.com – You Are Not Alone. If there were a way to personally interact with Bryan Post on a regular basis, would you be interested? If there were a community of other parents and professionals who wanted peace and harmony in their families as much as you, and you could learn from them, would you be interested in joining them?

Parenting the Attachment Challenged Child Part 2 of 6 by Bryan Post

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Stress plays a vital role in everything that we do. As an internal experience we rely on stress daily to stay alive, and engage the outside world. In addition, we rely on stress to fight illness, digest food, and recover from difficult times. Just to laugh is to experience a state of stress.

In considering parenting techniques for severe behavior we will be relying on a theory of human behavior called the The Stress Model. The Stress Model is a very simple theory of behavior that says, “All behavior arises from a state of stress and in between the behavior and the stress is the presence of one of two primary emotions: Love or Fear. It is through the expression, processing, and understanding of the emotion that we can calm the stress and diminish the behavior.

Very important point: There are only two primary emotions love and fear. Anger is not a primary emotion. It is a feeling that is secondary to the bodily experience of fear. A fear experience can occur through any of the sensory pathways. Through what you see, hear, touch, smell, taste, and even the temperature of your body. The experience of both stress and fear is cellular. It occurs unconsciously. You won’t always know what causes fear or stress. If you are seeing anger, rage, jealousy, and more it is arising from fear, rather than the anger.

Love is the space between two people. It is always present and surrounds us each day. The only thing that keeps us out of love is our fear. Since the presence of love is natural, it is up to us to put fear aside and step into the presence of love. You may have heard it said, “Perfect love cast out all fear,” or “Love and fear cannot co-exist.” What we have calmly come to perceive as love is only fear in disguise. Most often we do not see this because we fail to see our own fear the majority of the time.

When we begin talking about the specific severe behaviors it will be important to remember the fear and stress they create in the parent first. If you try to overcome fear by creating more fear, you only make fear greater. Action exercise: Try to see fear in actions between you and your child for one full week. You’ll be amazed.

Choose Love,

B.

Click Here for Part 3

Let us know what you think.  What did you learn? What Questions arise for you? What successes have you had with this information? What failures? Remember that failure is an important part of succeeding – always ask “what went wrong and what did I learn”. Without this we are bound to repeat and repeat and repeat and ….

About Bryan Post

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Severe Behaviors or Multiple Diagnoses? Strategies for Severe Behaviors in Adoptive & Foster Children Including RAD, OD, ADHD, Aspergers, Autism & Others – 4 DVD set

Bryan Post and Dr. Gizane Indart provide clear-cut understanding of the root of severe behaviors most frequently identified by parents and caregivers as troublesome and specific step by step strategies to eliminating these behaviors and creating healing and peace in your home. Learn why even adoption at birth is traumatic. Gain life changing insights to why your children act out, and what you can do to help them succeed. This program includes the How To End Lying Stealing and Defiance as seen in our YouTube videos 6 Minutes That Can Change Your Child’s Life (and Yours!) and 9 More Minutes That Could Change Your Child’s Life (Yours too). Approximate length 6 hours.

The answers to tough parenting  questions, though often simple, are not easy and require a uniquely different parenting approach. You will be amazed at the progress you can make once you begin to understand your child’s challenging behaviors.
To read more, just click here.
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For more of Bryan Post’s unique truly love based family centered approach for managing children with challenging behaviors, visit his websites:

• www.postinstitute.com – A Radical New Understanding of Difficult Children resource site. Lots of free stuff and training materials.
• www.reactiveattachmentdisorderparenting.com – A Parenting “Hands-On” Home Study Course for parents & professionals with RAD kids.
• www.oxytocincentral.com – Resource site for the latest info and research on Oxytocin, the hormone responsible for attachment and bonding.
• www.postinnercircle.com – You Are Not Alone. If there were a way to personally interact with Bryan Post on a regular basis, would you be interested? If there were a community of other parents and professionals who wanted peace and harmony in their families as much as you, and you could learn from them, would you be interested in joining them?

How to Get 4 Hours of Bryan Post’s Solution Sessions for 5 Bucks

We found a bunch of  copies of Susan Kutchinska’s wonderful book on Oxytocin, the Chemistry of Connection, in our warehouse (we thought we had sold out) and decided to offer it AND for the first 13 people who buy they can get Bryan Post’s 4 CD set entitled The Solution Sessions for only $5 more. So for $21.95 you get the book and 4 hours of Bryan in this rarely offered CD set for helping children and parents heal. Paul Zak, the love Doctor said about Chemistry of Connection, “A marvelous book. It brings the science of oxytocin into the service of love in an engaging and practical way. Anyone who wants to understand and improve his or her relationships should read it.” Check it out at http://postinstitute.com/store/books.html.