Paradigm Shift by Bryan Post

A Paradigm Shift
“A paradigm shift is the way in which you see the world. The lens through which you view all people and things. It is greatly reinforced by the dominant society. In order to change your paradigm you must be willing to challenge your old beliefs. You must ask questions rather than taking for face value what has been said because many others have said it. You must question in order to challenge your belief system, in order to lead to a change in your thinking, and then in your behavior. When this occurs then you will be changing your paradigm.

Why is this so important? Because the way in which we parent stems from our paradigm. It is dominated by traditional thought at every level, engrained into our unconscious, our psyche, essentially defining who we are and how we relate. Go to a grocery store and ask your child to yell at you. Some of you may not have to ask! And then rather than smacking his face, shaming him, or yelling back, stop and breathe. Calm your inner self and observe those around you, feel their energy. You will be shocked by the negativity that is generated from the traditional paradigm. The people around you don’t know you yet they will judge you harshly. This intensity of negativity permeates our society and our relationships. There is no love here. As Gandhi said, “we must become the change we want to see”.

Choose Love,

B.

P.S.  Our Weekly Contest Giveaways are going on at our Facebook page for 52 weeks! We are in week 4 and our prizes are educational, training and even some entertainment love-based items from our web-store such as books DVDs, CDs and some exciting mystery prizes to come. Visit us often and interact with other committed parents and professionals.

About Bryan Post

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Want The Best for Your Family and Your Hurting Child? “My wife and I have adopted 4 kids out of the Foster Care system. We had 27 foster children. I can only say that I wish we would have known then what we know now. Bryan Post offers the only help for kids like these that offers hope, help and step-by-step guidance. Without Bryan Post we would never have come through.”  — David & Susan, VA.
This Course offers the most value for the least price. Yet you will be amazed at the progress you will make once you start working with it.

Parenting Attachment Challenged Children “Hands-On” Home Study Course by Bryan Post
is now available and includes the new 5 Hour Course on CD-Rom to accompany the workbook and 6 Hours of Video. This new program provides all the tools and understanding you need in order effectively parent your challenging kids. The home study course for parenting the child with challenging behaviors is life changing and is only meant for the serious parent or professional! This course with accompanying workbook and the 5 hours of course material on CD-Rom to follow along will make the concepts easy to work with. You will have step-by-step instructions on how to create a therapeutic healing environment for children with trauma histories. If nothing else works for your child, this may be the training program you have been praying for. You will never know unless you try it. This best-selling package will start you on the road to restoring peace in your family and give you a running start!

For the first time ever, the Post Institute has put together its most effective video, audio and interactive training program with ground breaking information by Bryan Post. The home study course comes with a newly released CD Rom five-hour workbook format that you can take at your own pace in the comfort of your own home. Includes our new five-hour training course, six hours of video training, downloadable audio recordings of the video presentation for playing on your iPod or MP3 player, a beautifully illustrated color workbook, a copy of the popular The Great Behavior Breakdown (an excellent manual for parenting any children—biological, adopted or foster care), an audio CD with Bryan Post offering his guidance on how best to make the necessary changes in your parenting approach to help your child move past the disturbing and frustrating behaviors, and a copy of Going Home Trouble Shooting Guide with summary points that can be easily read any time that you find yourself struggling.

By learning to calm the stress and diminishing the behavior, you will find peace, love and harmony where before there was only fighting and anger. You will never know unless you try this, but you might always wonder.
To read more, just click here.
————————————————————————————————
For more of Bryan Post’s unique truly love based family centered approach for managing children with challenging behaviors, visit his websites:

• www.postinstitute.com – A Radical New Understanding of Difficult Children resource site. Lots of free stuff and training materials.
• www.reactiveattachmentdisorderparenting.com – A Parenting “Hands-On” Home Study Course for parents & professionals with RAD kids and many other challenging behaviors and diagnoses.
• www.oxytocincentral.com – Resource site for the latest info and research on Oxytocin, the hormone responsible for attachment and bonding.
• www.postinnercircle.com – Where desperate parents come for solutions and support. You Are Not Alone. If there were a way to personally interact with Bryan Post on a regular basis, would you be interested? If there were a community of other parents and professionals who wanted peace and harmony in their families as much as you, and you could learn from them, would you be interested in joining them?

Parenting the Attachment Challenged Child part 3 of 6: How to Overcome Lying by Bryan Post

Click Here for Part 2

All day Mary had been looking for her bracelet, she knew for sure that she had placed it on the kitchen counter. “Maybe Peter took it? Surely not, what would he do with my bracelet?” Mary thought to herself. Wanting to believe that Peter would not have taken something from her again after just giving him several consequences the day before for taking things that didn’t belong to him, she reluctantly went into his room. There sat the bracelet in open daylight. When Peter came down for breakfast Mary politely asked, “Peter have you seen that little silver bracelet of mine?” Peter looked at his mother straight in the eye and said, “Nope haven’t seen the thing anywhere!”

Have you had this experience before? Sometimes your child seems to lie about things that are completely obvious? Other times it seems as though he’s just making up a story for no logical reason? Our typical reaction, “I can’t take this anymore. I can not take this constant lying any longer. You will be spending the next three days with no television. You must learn to start telling the truth. If you don’t start telling the truth no one is ever going to trust you.”

To help children overcome lying we must understand why they do it. The only time we tell a lie is when we are stressed and afraid. For a child with a trauma history, he will lie from a place of survival. During moments of asking a child to tell truth he fears that the worst thing that has ever happened to him is going to happen all over again. In that very moment, the child is further away from telling you the truth than you may realize. Literally, the child is afraid for the safety of his life.

A graphic example, imagine a sledge-hammer hanging over your head. You have been told if you tell the truth, the sledge-hammer is going to crash into your skull perhaps ending your life. In that moment someone asks you to tell the truth about the most ridiculous thing. You cannot do it. The fear is much too great and the only sure safety is to lie. In the life of the traumatized, attachment challenged child, his past trauma becomes his sledge-hammer, and insisting that he tell you the truth is only making it worse. To be continued.

Choose Love,
B.

Click Here for Part 4

What works and what doesn’t work for your challenging child and lying?

About Bryan Post

————————————————Advertisement—————————————————
Want The Best for Your Family and Your Hurting Child? “My wife and I have adopted 4 kids out of the Foster Care system. We had 27 foster children. I can only say that I wish we would have known then what we know now. Bryan Post offers the only help for kids like these that offers hope, help and step-by-step guidance. Without Bryan Post we would never have come through.”  — David & Susan, VA.
This Course offers the most value for the least price. Yet you will be amazed at the progress you will make once you start working with it.

Parenting Attachment Challenged Children “Hands-On” Home Study Course by Bryan Post
is now available and includes the new 5 Hour Course on CD-Rom to accompany the workbook and 6 Hours of Video. This new program provides all the tools and understanding you need in order effectively parent your challenging kids. The home study course for parenting the child with challenging behaviors is life changing and is only meant for the serious parent or professional! This course with accompanying workbook and the 5 hours of course material on CD-Rom to follow along will make the concepts easy to work with. You will have step-by-step instructions on how to create a therapeutic healing environment for children with trauma histories. If nothing else works for your child, this may be the training program you have been praying for. You will never know unless you try it. This best-selling package will start you on the road to restoring peace in your family and give you a running start!

For the first time ever, the Post Institute has put together its most effective video, audio and interactive training program with ground breaking information by Bryan Post. The home study course comes with a newly released CD Rom five-hour workbook format that you can take at your own pace in the comfort of your own home. Includes our new five-hour training course, six hours of video training, downloadable audio recordings of the video presentation for playing on your iPod or MP3 player, a beautifully illustrated color workbook, a copy of the popular The Great Behavior Breakdown (an excellent manual for parenting any children—biological, adopted or foster care), an audio CD with Bryan Post offering his guidance on how best to make the necessary changes in your parenting approach to help your child move past the disturbing and frustrating behaviors, and a copy of Going Home Trouble Shooting Guide with summary points that can be easily read any time that you find yourself struggling.

By learning to calm the stress and diminishing the behavior, you will find peace, love and harmony where before there was only fighting and anger. You will never know unless you try this, but you might always wonder.
To read more, just click here.
————————————————————————————————
For more of Bryan Post’s unique truly love based family centered approach for managing children with challenging behaviors, visit his websites:

• www.postinstitute.com – A Radical New Understanding of Difficult Children resource site. Lots of free stuff and training materials.
• www.reactiveattachmentdisorderparenting.com – A Parenting “Hands-On” Home Study Course for parents & professionals with RAD kids and many other challenging behaviors and diagnoses.
• www.oxytocincentral.com – Resource site for the latest info and research on Oxytocin, the hormone responsible for attachment and bonding.
• www.postinnercircle.com – You Are Not Alone. If there were a way to personally interact with Bryan Post on a regular basis, would you be interested? If there were a community of other parents and professionals who wanted peace and harmony in their families as much as you, and you could learn from them, would you be interested in joining them?

Parenting the Attachment Challenged Child Part 2 of 6 by Bryan Post

Click Here for Part 1
Stress plays a vital role in everything that we do. As an internal experience we rely on stress daily to stay alive, and engage the outside world. In addition, we rely on stress to fight illness, digest food, and recover from difficult times. Just to laugh is to experience a state of stress.

In considering parenting techniques for severe behavior we will be relying on a theory of human behavior called the The Stress Model. The Stress Model is a very simple theory of behavior that says, “All behavior arises from a state of stress and in between the behavior and the stress is the presence of one of two primary emotions: Love or Fear. It is through the expression, processing, and understanding of the emotion that we can calm the stress and diminish the behavior.

Very important point: There are only two primary emotions love and fear. Anger is not a primary emotion. It is a feeling that is secondary to the bodily experience of fear. A fear experience can occur through any of the sensory pathways. Through what you see, hear, touch, smell, taste, and even the temperature of your body. The experience of both stress and fear is cellular. It occurs unconsciously. You won’t always know what causes fear or stress. If you are seeing anger, rage, jealousy, and more it is arising from fear, rather than the anger.

Love is the space between two people. It is always present and surrounds us each day. The only thing that keeps us out of love is our fear. Since the presence of love is natural, it is up to us to put fear aside and step into the presence of love. You may have heard it said, “Perfect love cast out all fear,” or “Love and fear cannot co-exist.” What we have calmly come to perceive as love is only fear in disguise. Most often we do not see this because we fail to see our own fear the majority of the time.

When we begin talking about the specific severe behaviors it will be important to remember the fear and stress they create in the parent first. If you try to overcome fear by creating more fear, you only make fear greater. Action exercise: Try to see fear in actions between you and your child for one full week. You’ll be amazed.

Choose Love,

B.

Click Here for Part 3

Let us know what you think.  What did you learn? What Questions arise for you? What successes have you had with this information? What failures? Remember that failure is an important part of succeeding – always ask “what went wrong and what did I learn”. Without this we are bound to repeat and repeat and repeat and ….

About Bryan Post

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Severe Behaviors or Multiple Diagnoses? Strategies for Severe Behaviors in Adoptive & Foster Children Including RAD, OD, ADHD, Aspergers, Autism & Others – 4 DVD set

Bryan Post and Dr. Gizane Indart provide clear-cut understanding of the root of severe behaviors most frequently identified by parents and caregivers as troublesome and specific step by step strategies to eliminating these behaviors and creating healing and peace in your home. Learn why even adoption at birth is traumatic. Gain life changing insights to why your children act out, and what you can do to help them succeed. This program includes the How To End Lying Stealing and Defiance as seen in our YouTube videos 6 Minutes That Can Change Your Child’s Life (and Yours!) and 9 More Minutes That Could Change Your Child’s Life (Yours too). Approximate length 6 hours.

The answers to tough parenting  questions, though often simple, are not easy and require a uniquely different parenting approach. You will be amazed at the progress you can make once you begin to understand your child’s challenging behaviors.
To read more, just click here.
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For more of Bryan Post’s unique truly love based family centered approach for managing children with challenging behaviors, visit his websites:

• www.postinstitute.com – A Radical New Understanding of Difficult Children resource site. Lots of free stuff and training materials.
• www.reactiveattachmentdisorderparenting.com – A Parenting “Hands-On” Home Study Course for parents & professionals with RAD kids.
• www.oxytocincentral.com – Resource site for the latest info and research on Oxytocin, the hormone responsible for attachment and bonding.
• www.postinnercircle.com – You Are Not Alone. If there were a way to personally interact with Bryan Post on a regular basis, would you be interested? If there were a community of other parents and professionals who wanted peace and harmony in their families as much as you, and you could learn from them, would you be interested in joining them?

Parenting the Attachment Challenged Child Part 1 of 6 by Bryan Post

There is much literature on how to parent challenging children these days. Unfortunately much of that literature does not typically address the child with special parenting needs and a special parenting understanding. A child that has been diagnosed with reactive attachment disorder, oppositional defiant disorder, or even depression, requires an understanding not of the behavior itself, but rather of the underlying dynamics driving the behavior.

Take for example the analogy of an iceberg. Typically when we refer to an iceberg we are referring to what we see above the surface. However, 90% of every iceberg is invisible, lying under the surface. What you consider to be an iceberg is really only the tip. It’s an overwhelming thought when considering how enormous an iceberg is above the surface. Imagine the other 90% lurking underneath.

Negative behaviors demonstrated by children are much the same. Whereas we may attempt to remove an iceberg by hacking away from the top down, we will only be spending endless time and energy focusing on the smallest aspect of the iceberg. When we encourage parents to only focus on alleviating behavior through simple behavior modification charts, boot camp tactics, or logical consequences, we are actually missing the most important part of the behavior. Typically a focus just on the behavior may eliminate the behavior for a while to only see it return another day with greater intensity.

The next series of articles will detail specific parenting steps that can be taken to effectively help reduce problem behaviors in a rapid period of time with a specific approach to end the frustrating habit of lying. The steps will not be easy to implement, however with a firm resolve to stay the course the effectiveness of each approach is guaranteed to be effective.

Do you have a child with challenging behaviors? What is your greatest challenge?

Choose Love,

B
Click Here for Part 2
Click Here for Part 3

—————————Book Advertisement—————————
Buried Treasure? You will begin to think so once you start reading From Fear to Love: Parenting Difficult Children by Bryan Post

“A Parenting Must-Have for Adopted, Foster or Biological Children – Honestly, it’s the best parenting handbook I’ve seen for someone with a child that has difficult behaviors… Even if you aren’t into reading, this book is a must have. If you are thinking of adopting a child, please read this book. If you have adopted a child, please read this book. If you yourself have been adopted, please read this book. If you’re a parent and have nothing to do with adoption in any manner, please read this book.” — Book Review By Literary Litter

You’ll never believe how it simple it can be until you understand what really drives your kids.
To read more, just click here.

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For more of Bryan Post’s unique truly love based family centered approach for managing children with challenging behaviors, visit his websites:

• www.postinstitute.com – A Radical New Understanding of Difficult Children resource site. Lots of free stuff and training materials.
• www.reactiveattachmentdisorderparenting.com – A Parenting “Hands-On” Home Study Course for parents & professionals with RAD kids.
• www.oxytocincentral.com – Resource site for the latest info and research on Oxytocin, the hormone responsible for attachment and bonding.
• www.postinnercircle.com – You Are Not Alone. If there were a way to personally interact with Bryan Post on a regular basis, would you be interested? If there were a community of other parents and professionals who wanted peace and harmony in their families as much as you, and you could learn from them, would you be interested in joining them?

The Root of Attachment Challenges…Trauma, Trauma, Trauma! by Bryan Post

Many children with severe behaviors such as chronic lying, stealing, aggressiveness, defiance, setting fires, bed wetting, poor parental relationships, etc. are increasingly being diagnosed as having an attachment disorder. Though having a label may initially give parents some relief in being able to identify the condition their child is struggling with, typically it only creates a scenario for frustration, guilt, blame and resentment.

Unfortunately a diagnosis in the mental health profession is rarely a positive thing. No parent wants a child with a diagnosis because it implies some inherent defect of the child. To have your child labeled as having Reactive Attachment Disorder, will typically not bring a parent any heightened sense of relief.

We must begin to understand the children demonstrating such serious behaviors as the ones listed, among many others, have all typically experienced some degree of trauma. Historically, our understanding of trauma has been limited to the horrible experiences depicted in the media, however, trauma occurs in many more situations that we are not even remotely aware of. Especially as it regards small children, trauma can occur through the adoption process, foster care, loss of a parent, frequent moves or caregivers, prolonged illness, divorce, parental depression, automobile accidents, and the list goes on and on. We must understand that trauma is any stressful event that is prolonged, overwhelming, or unpredictable. When we have not had an opportunity to cry, talk, scream, grieve, and mourn a traumatic event, sometimes repetitively, that experience has the ability to impact us throughout the rest of our lives.

When a traumatic event has occurred early in a child’s life it can have an impact on the system responsible for helping him to handle stress, respond appropriately to fear, and form lasting attachments with others. This system is referred to as the regulatory system. When this system is impaired it leaves the child stuck in a pervasive state of fear and easily overwhelmed by the seemingly mundane task of daily life. Rather than being disordered in attachment relationships, the child is extremely challenged in the presence of stress within any relationship.

Choose Love,

B.

———- Adult Attachment Disorder Advertisement———-
Help for Adults with Attachment Disorder
Creating Healing for the Attachment Challenged Adult DVD Program by Bryan Post – includes live demonstrations.

Do you know adults who experience marital, financial, or parental stress? Do they have problems with social relationships or compulsive or addictive behaviors related to work, drugs and alcohol, food or sex? Do you know adults who report depression, or uncontrollable anger?

Did you know that the latest research from the field of neuroscience shows that for at last 93% of the people experiencing these symptoms there is a direct link to attachment issues? Adult attachment issues are rarely given the level of consideration needed to pro-mote true healing for adult. If you are working with adults experiencing behavioral health issues, you must have an understanding of how attachment issues impact us, even into adult hood…INCLUDES LIVE DEMONSTRATIONS!

To read more, just click here.
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For more of Bryan Post’s unique truly love based family centered approach for managing children with challenging behaviors, visit his websites:

• www.postinstitute.com – A Radical New Understanding of Difficult Children resource site. Lots of free stuff and training materials.
• www.reactiveattachmentdisorderparenting.com – A Parenting “Hands-On” Home Study Course for parents & professionals with RAD kids.
• www.oxytocincentral.com – Resource site for the latest info and research on Oxytocin, the hormone responsible for attachment and bonding.
• www.postinnercircle.com – You Are Not Alone. If there were a way to personally interact with Bryan Post on a regular basis, would you be interested? If there were a community of other parents and professionals who wanted peace and harmony in their families as much as you, and you could learn from them, would you be interested in joining them?

Attachment Trauma: A Personal Reflection Part 4 “the end” by Bryan Post

Click here for Part 1
Click here for Part 2
Click here for Part 3

The years passed. Stress continued to increase. One child grew older and excelled in school, sports, and socially. Internally he struggled to live in a world he viewed as overwhelming. To compensate he lied, stole, cheated, manipulated, set fires, killed animals, and occasionally bullied other children. Because he was intelligent many of the adults never had a clue. Living out his fear he made it through year after year.

The other child, well, she struggled both internally and externally. Externally she failed in school, sports, and socially. There were frequent fights at home brought about by parental blueprints for what discipline should be, influenced by a fear of personal responsibility for having a withdrawn and immature child who preferred playing with children far younger than herself. Internally, she just tried to make it through each day. Now obviously, while ridden with anxiety and depression. Unable to focus because every relationship was imprinted to be negative and certainly every relationship did not prove otherwise.

The two parents with hopes of having a family they’d dreamed of, hoping to love, nurture, and influence their two children, ended up feeling insecure, hopeless, overwhelmed, and let down by the task at hand. These children were difficult. At least one of them was anyway and the other had his moments but so much less frequent.

And the family lived for years, each day struggling to be a family. Each day struggling to live in peace, but continually influenced by their early attachment imprints. One child continued to struggle, continued to live out those early blueprints and recurring negative relationships until she died in a tragic automobile accident. The other continues to struggle yet has been able to put life into perspective, not by any personal remarkable efforts, but by having more positive relationships than negative ones. Thereby, he is sharing this article with you.

Choose Love,

B.

———-Advertisement———-
How to Deal with Severe Behaviors or Multiple Diagnoses?  At a loss as to how to manage a child with all this going on? The answers to these questions and more, though simple, are not easy and require a uniquely different parenting approach.
You will be amazed at the progress you can make once you begin to understand.

Strategies for Severe Behaviors in Adoptive & Foster Children Including RAD, OD, ADHD, Aspergers, Autism & Others – 4 DVD set.
Bryan Post and Dr. Gizane Indart provide clear-cut understanding of the root of severe behaviors most frequently identified by parents and caregivers as troublesome and specific step by step strategies to eliminating these behaviors and creating healing and peace in your home. Learn why even adoption at birth is traumatic. Gain life changing insights to why your children act out, and what you can do to help them succeed. DVD. Approx. length 6 hours.

You’ll never believe how it simple it can be until you understand what really drives your kids.
To read more, just click here.
———————————
For more of Bryan Post’s unique truly love based family centered approach for managing children with challenging behaviors, visit his other sites:

• www.postinstitute.com – A Radical New Understanding of Difficult Children resource site. Lots of free stuff and training materials.
• www.reactiveattachmentdisorderparenting.com – A Parenting “Hands-On” Home Study Course for parents & professionals with RAD kids.
• www.oxytocincentral.com – Resource site for the latest info and research on Oxytocin, the hormone responsible for attachment and bonding.
• www.postinnercircle.com – You Are Not Alone. If there were a way to personally interact with Bryan Post on a regular basis, would you be interested? If there were a community of other parents and professionals who wanted peace and harmony in their families as much as you, and you could learn from them, would you be interested in joining them?

10 Reasons To Have Sex Tonight

Well, to get all the actual science you will have to go to a 2008 CBS News HealthWatch article to get all the facts that offer many reasons for most of us parents to make “date night” a regular event – not just for Valentines Day or our Anniversary.  Since it is not my article, I will just list the 10 reasons and with a few quotes that dovetail with our oxytocin thinking.

1. Sex Relieves Stress – Need I say anymore here? Once you read the science, parents of our special kids may want date night 7 nights a week! “Lower blood pressure and overall stress reduction. Other research found a link between partner hugs and lower blood pressure in women.” A simple hug could work wonders. Amazing yes?

2. Sex Boosts Immunity “Good sexual health may mean better physical health”. Who wants less health?

3. Sex Burns Calories “Thirty minutes of sex burns 85 calories or more.” Do I see the Biggest Looser changing its training venue?

4. Sex Improves Cardiovascular Health “Researchers found that having sex twice or more a week reduced the risk of fatal heart attack by half for the men”. Gee, wonder what that is worth in health care savings?

5. Sex Boosts Self-Esteem

6. Sex Improves Intimacy “Having sex and orgasms increases levels of the hormone oxytocin, the so-called love hormone, which helps us bond and build trust. They found that the more contact, the higher the oxytocin levels. Oxytocin allows us to feel the urge to nurture and to bond”. Oxytocin allow us to feel the urge to nurture. People sometimes ask, “how to love my child again?” Or, how can I feel more loving when I am so angry?” Maybe we should tell them to have more sex…

7. Sex Reduces Pain “As the hormone oxytocin surges, endorphins increase, and pain declines. In a study published in the Bulletin of Experimental Biology and Medicine, 48 volunteers who inhaled oxytocin vapor and then had their fingers pricked lowered their pain threshold by more than half.” I have felt the pain of raising my RAD kid more than once. And I have seen it in many others. Karyn Purvis, the renown researcher and author of The Connected Child (we highly recommend this) says that they found reduced hormonal levels in the parents they work with who have children who come from “hard places”, foster and adoption homes.

8. Sex Reduces Prostate Cancer Risk Again, healthcare savings plus a fun cure?

9. Sex Strengthens Pelvic Floor Muscles

10. Sex Helps You Sleep Better “The oxytocin released during orgasm also promotes sleep”. Warning: do not have sex in the morning or at work.

If you are not a fan of Oxytocin yet, this may help you better understand and appreciate this free, easily accessible and powerful natural chemical in the body. And if you are not a fan of sex yet either, this may help you better understand and appreciate this wonderful God-given experience in a whole new way.

— David Durovy

Susan Kutchinskas’ The Chemistry of Connection. Want to learn more about Oxytocin, visit our store and purchase this ground breaking book – (and get a bonus offer of 4 hours of Bryan Post’s excellent CD program The Solution Sessions for just $5 more!) This is the Oxytocin Book that Bryan Post fell in love with!
Full of fascinating information about the biology of attachment, it uses the newest data from psychology, neuroscience and molecular biology to explain how we love, why we sometimes can’t, and how to develop this deep human capacity by understanding oxytocin. It shows how to nurture lasting love between ourselves, our mates and our children. Kuchinskas gives reader essential information about connection and bonding and helps readers understand the brain chemistry behind who we are. Anyone who wants to understand and improve their relationships should read it.

For current information and research on Oxytocin, visit www.oxytocincentral.com

Attachment Trauma: A Personal Reflection Part 2 by Bryan Post

There are no two relationships ever the same. Every interaction that we have with another individual is influenced by our own personal past experiences. John Bowlby, M.D, the father of modern-day attachment theory, referred to these past experiences as our blueprints. Bowlby espoused that the first three years of our lives establish the blueprints for all of our future relationships. At a physiologic level, upon reflecting at the differences between my sister’s earliest relationship blueprints and my own, it is not difficult to determine that at even such an early age she was already imprinted to view human relationships as not safe.

When we consider trauma in the lives of children it is important to realize the far majority of traumatic experiences occurring in their lives typically involve some aspect of human relationship. If a child has been abused, battered, or neglected by the individual that is supposed to love her most then what would make subsequent relationships appear any safer?

From the earliest point in time throughout their relationship with one another, my sister and my parents struggled to be attached. The legendary attachment pediatricians Marshall Klaus and John Kennel inform us that attachment is the behavior of the child to the parent and bonding is the behavior of the parent to the child. In the mental health profession we have fostered an imbalance of influence. A child cannot develop attachment with a parent struggling to bond. Thus, unwittingly, an almost impossible task was set in motion.

Regardless of the trauma issues that my sister carried into the family, my own parents equally brought their own. As you can imagine, the family experience, the experience I refer to as the ‘secret life of the family,’ was not very attractive. To be continued.

Choose Love,

B.

If you have children – adopted, biological or foster – with attachment issues and would like to learn how to help heal early trauma, consider this excellent parenting manual for challenging children – visit From Fear to Love: Parenting Difficult Adopted Children by Bryan Post.

A Parenting Must-Have for Adopted, Foster or Biological Children…
“Honestly, it’s the best parenting handbook I’ve seen for someone with a child that has difficult behaviors… Even if you aren’t into reading, this book is a must have. If you are thinking of adopting a child, please read this book. If you have adopted a child, please read this book. If you yourself have been adopted, please read this book. If you’re a parent and have nothing to do with adoption in any manner, please read this book.” — Book Review By Literary Litter

There are also FREE resources, videos and articles available for helping families with children with trauma, RAD, Reactive Attachment Disorder, Attachment Disorders, ASD, Autism Spectrum Disorder and more at www.postinstitute.com, www.reactiveattachmentdisorderparenting.com, www.postinnercircle.com and oxytocincentral.com.

There is hope. There is help.

A thoughtful and skeptical review of Bryan Post’s book

“The Difference Between Happiness and Despair”

This reviewer, both an attorney and adopted mom, gave an insightful, critical and skeptical review of her experience with Bryan Post’s first popular book co-authored with H. Forbes. Here is a taste of her final conclusion:  …”So I gave it try. With our own adopted child, we have seen a night-and-day difference in his behavior which I believe directly reflects the efficacy of the book’s general recommendations. I would recommend reading the book in light of your own experience with your children and trying out some of the scenarios. If it works for you, it’s time well spent. For our child, it was the difference between despair and happiness. My child’s unselfconscious smile and laughter are the proof I need that the practicum works”.   Read the full review here –  Beyond Consequences, Logic, and Control…bookscritics.com.

For more of Bryan Post’s groundbreaking radical new understanding of difficult children, read The Great Behavior Breakdown and From Fear to Love: Parenting Difficult Adopted Children and visit www.postinstitute.com,  and www.postinnercircle.com.

Test Drive Our Newest Parenting Course! Take our new Parenting Attachment Challenged Children “Hands-On” Home Study Course by Bryan Post for a test drive and see for yourself if there is a better way to parent your special kids www.reactiveattachmentdisorderparenting.com

Home Study Course

3 sec ago

Attachment Trauma: A Personal Reflection Part 1 by Bryan Post

The purpose of this column is to educate and offer solutions to parents, teachers, and professionals struggling to care for children that have been diagnosed with reactive attachment disorder.

Having been an attachment challenged child myself, spending time in foster care and then being adopted into a loving home that soon became an angry home, I have first hand experience on how difficult understanding and parenting your child can be.

Before I go into what you can do to help your child, allow me to tell you a little about my story growing up as such a child:

•  I only spent in three months in foster care. However, anytime in foster care is too much time due to the traumatic break which occurs between the infant and biologic mother at birth. For decades the impact of this early attachment break has been discounted.

• It is impossible for me to tell my story without also including my sister’s story because it creates the framework for my life’s work. Let me explain.

Though both adopted before we were four months old, my sister’s life has been the polar opposite to mine from day one. I was carried to term and moved quickly into a foster home, she was premature and had to spend her first three months in an incubator. My mother tells the story that when she and my father first saw me I was smiling. On the other hand, upon seeing my sister for the first time she was crying. Because we now know so much about neuroscience and physiologic patterns, I believe these first interactions established the framework for the relationship my sister and parents had from that point forward. To be continued.

Choose Love,

B.

If you have children – adopted, biological or foster – and would like to learn how to help heal early truama or attachment issues, visit From Fear to Love: Parenting Difficult Adopted Children by Bryan Post.

A Parenting Must-Have for Adopted, Foster or Biological Children…
“Honestly, it’s the best parenting handbook I’ve seen for someone with a child that has difficult behaviors… Even if you aren’t into reading, this book is a must have. If you are thinking of adopting a child, please read this book. If you have adopted a child, please read this book. If you yourself have been adopted, please read this book. If you’re a parent and have nothing to do with adoption in any manner, please read this book.” — Book Review By Literary Litter

There are FREE resources, videos and articles available for helping families with children with trauma, RAD, Reactive Attachment Disorder, Attachment Disorders, ASD, Autism Spectrum Disorder and more at www.postinstitute.com, www.reactiveattachmentdisorderparenting.com, www.postinnercircle.com and oxytocincentral.com.

There is hope. There is help.